LordNorwood
This Too Shall Pass
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2019
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tl;dr Beta Blockers work and if you have performance anxiety you should try them. They are easy to get, cheap, non-habit forming, safe, and brutally effective. Full success story below for those interested.
So as I said I would post an update thread after my speaking engagement Sunday night. Here's a brief account of what went down, put the tl;dr in the title - simply put, beta blockers work and work very well, all the stories I heard about these meds were true.
So the situation is this - another person and I were tasked with co-leading group discussion under the supervision of the usual group discussion leader. This might seem like cake to some here, might seem scary to others, I was in the latter category. Other thread goes over the exact nature of my problems here.
Anyway, we were supposed to show up on location at 5:30 and speaking engagement started roughly at 7:00 and lasts about an hour. In the meantime you basically hang out and talk.
I had decided beforehand to take 50 mg total. I put 5 10 mg pills in a small plastic baggie in my pocket and subtly took 2 at 5:30, 1 at 6:00, and 2 more at 6:30. My logic was to spread the medication over the range of effective time I had heard just to be safe. Most stories I read had people taking less than this but I figured I would rather overdose than underdose in this case.
When the speaking started I felt a brief moment of panic as I was introduced as a leader for the night and I felt as though the meds didn't work, I was finished, time to rope etc. etc. but then I felt no physical symptoms. I only had the mental nervousness, which without the feedback loop from my bodily reactions was insanely easy to control (is that being a normal person feels like? JFL so easy) I started speaking and it was easy, my voice never even hinted at quavering, I was able to speak in a deep even tone and allow my voice to resonate. So I focused more on what I was saying.
Afterwards the leader pulled me aside and said "look, you carried tonight. you killed it out there man, you were made for this" I never in a million years thought I would hear words like those.
When I was coming home I stopped by a gas station. I walked inside and the clerk asked me "how was your night" and I said "good, it was a really good night" and I realized that I actually meant it. For the first time in months and months, I considered a day to be an unambigous win. I chalked up a W and it feels good.
Feeling hopeful.
So as I said I would post an update thread after my speaking engagement Sunday night. Here's a brief account of what went down, put the tl;dr in the title - simply put, beta blockers work and work very well, all the stories I heard about these meds were true.
So the situation is this - another person and I were tasked with co-leading group discussion under the supervision of the usual group discussion leader. This might seem like cake to some here, might seem scary to others, I was in the latter category. Other thread goes over the exact nature of my problems here.
Anyway, we were supposed to show up on location at 5:30 and speaking engagement started roughly at 7:00 and lasts about an hour. In the meantime you basically hang out and talk.
I had decided beforehand to take 50 mg total. I put 5 10 mg pills in a small plastic baggie in my pocket and subtly took 2 at 5:30, 1 at 6:00, and 2 more at 6:30. My logic was to spread the medication over the range of effective time I had heard just to be safe. Most stories I read had people taking less than this but I figured I would rather overdose than underdose in this case.
When the speaking started I felt a brief moment of panic as I was introduced as a leader for the night and I felt as though the meds didn't work, I was finished, time to rope etc. etc. but then I felt no physical symptoms. I only had the mental nervousness, which without the feedback loop from my bodily reactions was insanely easy to control (is that being a normal person feels like? JFL so easy) I started speaking and it was easy, my voice never even hinted at quavering, I was able to speak in a deep even tone and allow my voice to resonate. So I focused more on what I was saying.
Afterwards the leader pulled me aside and said "look, you carried tonight. you killed it out there man, you were made for this" I never in a million years thought I would hear words like those.
When I was coming home I stopped by a gas station. I walked inside and the clerk asked me "how was your night" and I said "good, it was a really good night" and I realized that I actually meant it. For the first time in months and months, I considered a day to be an unambigous win. I chalked up a W and it feels good.
Feeling hopeful.
.
