How to make friends (End of loneliness) (GTFIH for life gains)

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Fair warning: What follows is a metric ton of “Walls of Text”.
Tldr1

So go make some coffee, maybe make a snack, and enjoy my "too long; didn't read" post.


A few days ago, a looksmaxer wrote a thread discussing his feelings of being “lost”, that making new friends was difficult, and was concerned that his best days were behind him. It struck a chord with me as I had similar experiences when I was his age (am now 35 – inb4 "lol oldcel/boomer"). I shared my perspective and was asked in pms/reps/posts to put all of this in a separate thread. I just got home from work and it’s raining torrentially outside, so my jogging session is cancelled and I have a few hours before my Saturday night tinder date. So I crafted this thread for any other looksmaxxers at home surfing the web on their weekend nights. Some of this is a direct copy paste.

Here's the good news though: What you're going through is very normal and near- universal in this day and age.

I understand that that can be both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Again, virtually everyone in their teens/twenties hits this realization of uncertainty for the future and concern about un-realized potential lost in the past. Hence the "lost" sensation that you're experiencing. So if anything, you should feel comforted knowing that nearly everyone gets this feeling around the same time you do.

Similarly, society is currently experiencing a “loneliness epidemic”. Joe Rogan talked about it on his podcast recently, as have the NYT and Psychology Today. I remember seeing a recent report saying that like 90% of men between 20 and 45 don’t have a “best friend”. When you walk by crowded bars and you see groups of bros hanging out laughing…that’s like 30 people in that bar. Meanwhile there’s 3000 guys that leave work and then spend the rest of their evening in isolation, usually playing video games or watching tv to distract themselves from their lack of connection with the outside world. So you’re not alone – not by a stretch. If anything you should feel comforted knowing there’s a huge percentage of people out there also looking for new friends. Hell, in the past year, the misc has been inundated with threads by guys complaining about being lonely. The epidemic is real, but it’s also treatable.



Okay, now for practical advice from someone who's been where you've been - or even in a worse spot.


Like I mentioned earlier, I’m 35. When I was in my 20s I was King of the FA's. I'd gone bald prematurely (by 21), I spent my 20s at an office filled with people in their 50s so I had no one to relate to, and I had no social life to speak of. I was practically a shut-in when I was outside of work. And I mean that - I would go weeks without talking to anyone if it wasn't through work. It wasn't always like that though - I had plenty of friends in college, but we naturally drifted away post-graduation (another universal experience). Needless to say, I saw the past as this wonderful period where I was full of potential, while the future looked like a desolate nightmare of routine work and loneliness. I recall one night when I was 28 or 29, getting drunk alone and actually screaming in my apartment that I hated my life. I think I screamed "I hate my life!" for I dunno....two hours straight.

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That was my “low point”. I was in my late 20s and one hundred percent hated where I was at in life. But in that evening of despair, anger, sadness and rage, I began to feel something else.


Determination.


I was determined to turn my life completely around.
 
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When I reached that low point, I reached a realization that I needed to turn my life around. It wasn't an exceptionally difficult choice, because my initial perspective was "What do I have to lose?" I wake up, go to work, go to the gym, come home and watch tv before going to sleep. I recognized there were some major aspects of my life that I needed to change.

1. For one thing, I improved how I looked at myself. Don't know if this part is overly relevant to OP's topic, but I drastically changed how I dressed, got LASIK, and had hair transplants. When I look in the mirror I became a lot happier with who I saw looking back. Maybe that plays in to what follows

2. I developed an actual plan for building a social life, as well as for dating. I'd had girlfriends in college before my self-imposed isolation. I naturally wanted dating/sex to be a part of this new project of "Getting a Life."

And it was all a success.


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When I was your age, I barely existed. Now, I'm struggling to fit gym workouts into my insane schedule, as my phone keeps blowing up with invites to events & parties, dates, as well as some other volunteer/community stuff. I actually have had to improve how I track my expenses, as some weeks I'll go out to dinner with different friends every single night (not exactly a problem I thought I'd ever have). Also, with my new look and social circles, I've practically had to beat back some women. It's amazing how much more attractive you become to women when they see you as the center of your group of friends. I've had five girlfriends in the past 4 years, and more often than not I run into the issue of too many sloot options. Obviously I'd like to settle down at some point, but right now the situation is still something of a novelty.
So that’s the point of this thread. I put together a plan, stuck to it (while making some adaptations) and achieved my goal of “getting a life”. And without even realizing it, I put together the blueprint for others to do the same (if they so choose).

So what follows is “the step-by-step plan to creating a social life”.
 
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Preliminary Steps

In that initial thread, I dove right into the actionable steps without addressing common trip-ups & mistakes I’d made early on. I basically busted out Calculus and skipped teaching Intro to Algebra. So here's some prelims regarding making friends and improving your life in general. Basically some stuff I wish I'd figured out at your age.


First things first: You need to envision the future you want. To a very specific detail. During my incel period, I envisioned myself partying and hanging out with people at some local pubs, playing sports/games, taking a girl to a restaurant, etc. This is key: I had very specific visions of how I would look, how I would be dressed (all the way down to the brand and size), what I would be drinking, what I’d be talking about, what my job at that point would be, which restaurants and what the view would be, and so on. I specifically knew that I wanted my Friday nights and Saturdays to be busy as hell with socializing and activities, as well as stuff to do on other evenings. And trips/outings. I specifically wanted to visit the Yucatan with some buddies, go to Vegas with friends, and so on. Listen, upperclass teens are often prodded in their schools to put together “vision boards”- actual freaking dioramas and cardboards of what their business/academic/career goals are. This is insanely smart, because:

1) It eliminates any sense of “aimlessness”. You’re no longer passively wondering (in a meandering abstract way) what you should do with your life. Your goals are now written out.

2) You’ve established victory conditions to the game of life. In one of my previous posts in this thread included a link on “no more zero days”. Basically you always want to do SOMETHING every day to further reach that goal that you’ve set. Some days it’ll be big steps (ie, signing up for indoor kickball) and other days little steps (learning a new phrase in Spanish so you can hit on a cute latin chick you matched with on Tinder). But every single day, you did SOMETHING to progress to your goal.

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Next thing: It is close to impossible to achieve any progress in life if you place yourself in a disorganized environment. If you live amongst squalor, that kind of lazy entropy will enter into other parts of your life. OP, to achieve the future that you envisioned in step one, you absolutely must ensure that you’re existing in a well-organized and clean environment.

Have you seen the movie Limitless? When Bradley Cooper’s character goes from dumb slob to super high-IQ genius, along with vastly improved social skills and ambition…..what was the VERY FIRST THING he did? He looked at his apartment and was disgusted by how messy he’d let his apartment become. Que a montage of him cleaning, and cleaning, and cleaning. And organizing.

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All self improvement plans require this as an early step. Every square inch of your living space should become spotless, and extremely well organized. And (to an extent) minimalized. Got stuff/clothes you don’t use? Sell or donate them. Nothing should ever be left “lying around” in your home. Books always in the bookcase, no jackets tossed on a chair – they get hung up immediately in the closet when you get home. Your electronics? Same deal. Computer desktop should be well organized with very few things clogging up the inspirational stuff you use as your desktop background. Same with your phone. Delete any apps that you don’t regularly use and get it sleek and organized. Same with your car. Same with your work desk. Again, entropy/laziness breeds additional entropy/laziness, but sleek, clean and very well organized/compartmentalized spaces will lead you to approach most day-to-day activities with a clearer, more outcome-focused mentality. When people start entering your place more often, they notice and comment about how spotless and nice it is.



Okay as a quick aside – similar mentality should go towards your diet and fitness. I don’t want to get too deep into it here, but there’s a lot of truth to the idea that when you eat well, you feel well. When you eat chit, you feel like chit.



Next up SOFTMAXING YOUR LOOKS start thinking about how you actually present yourself to the world. Your appearance says a lot. It signals to people not just how you feel about yourself, but how you feel about them. I’ll give you an example of what I mean: I went to a wedding once where the bride’s brother (a guy in his early 20s), showed up to his sister’s wedding wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Torn jeans no less. To the outside world of formally-dressed onlookers, the unspoken message being delivered by the brother was that he did not care about his sister, the institution of marriage, or social conventions. During the reception, no one wanted to be seen standing next to him. He’d isolated himself and was probably oblivious as to why. If he was hoping to socialize or meet people at the wedding then he’d handicapped himself from the onset.

Dressing well opens doors and really can make you feel good about yourself. You’re demonstrating self worth – you hold yourself to such a standard that you make sure your clothes have proper fit and match. It’s basically a visual “tell” to others that you’re someone of value. As does having excellent posture. As you’re reading this, straighten your back, and push your shoulders back a little. The rule of thumb for guys is that when you walk you lead with your chest. There’s actually a way to test if your posture and walking poise is correct. Try walking towards a wall. The very first thing above your waist that should touch the wall should be your nipples (unless you have a very strong nose/chin).

For me, the “preppy” style is my go-to, but that’s just me. Research different styles, see what’s on sale, and dress with a better fit. This doesn’t have to be costly at all. There’s a ton of resources online – every Thursday the website dappered.com posts a roundup of store sales. They also have a series of “style scenarios” for different situations (ie, day at the beach, casual first date, etc). There’s a subreddit called “frugal male fashion”. Sometimes companies screw up their promo codes with sales and you can make out like a bandit. That subreddit will be the first place to announce those kinds of opportunities (for instance, last month JCPenny’s website screwed up a promo code where it was stacking on top of an existing sale, and their merchandise was going for literally 90% off). When I decided to make my big change, it was close to black Friday, so I basically rebuilt my wardrobe from that.
 
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One other quick insight. I used to always be pissed off when buying clothes, about how my shirts would never fit the way they do on the mannequin. They’d always have binder clips or something on the back of the shirt, to make it look more like it fit. In my naive days that would make me angry – like they were trying to trick their customers, who would be buying the same shirt only baggier and more loose. I was unawares that clothes buying is a two-step process, and that clothes off the rack aren’t intended to fit perfectly. Rather, you’re supposed to buy the stuff you like, and then immediately take it to a tailor for alterations. How was I to know – I didn’t have anyone telling me this stuff. These days – my “going out clothes” make me look like a million bucks. Any shirt (button down, polo, tee) should fit like so: the fabric about 2 inches below your armpit should always be in contact with the side of your ribs, regardless of where your arms are (up, stretched out, wherever). If there’s any empty air between your rib sides and the shirt – take it in. Also, the arm sleeves should start before your shoulder begins to slope down. Regardless of your style preference, if you stick to those two rules, you’ll “dress well.”

If you’re looking for any other inspiration, there's a ton of good stuff on tumblr. Here's one of my favorites: http://tasteofthegood.tumblr.com/
A little research goes a long way.

When I was in Mexico City for a long weekend back in March, I was wearing a pair of my dress shoes. While at one of the national museums, this guy commented on them and we started chatting. Turns out he had just moved to Houston (I'd lived in Houston previously) - we ended up grabbing drinks with his girlfriend, and they invited me to a lucha libre show (that's a big deal down in Mexico). What'd I tell you about dressing well opens doors?

For reference, these are the shoes I was wearing (and the pair I usually wear on first dates):

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Now that we have a basis of softmaxxing out of the way, it's time to move on to the good stuff. For further looksmaxxing advice I am sure there's plenty of other good topics you can read around here



Ok, next up is a goody – Silencing your inner critic.

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Some people don’t have these altogether. Others make up for it in spades, with an endless internal monologue of self put-downs. As I mentioned in an earlier post, you must transform yourself into your own biggest fan. No one should be rooting for OP more than OP. So this is really a two-step concept: silence your negative internal monologue, and create a more inspired and goal-leaning mental process.

The nature of self-criticism is that it serves as a negative feedback loop in your conscious. Didn’t get the raise? Your inner critic will tell you that you failed and you should stop trying/hoping for more money. Which then leads you to stop trying. Psychologists have actually identified two commonly successful ways to rid yourself of the inner critic:

1) Adapt humor into it, to the point where it really loses it’s sway. I’ll toss out an example – I’m a licensed engineer, so I had to take a state licensing test. This is a hard fukin test. So I took several practice tests. When I’d fail a practice test, my initial thoughts would be “Of course I failed, I’m a fukkin loser. Why am I even trying?” But that would be only momentary, as I’d remember the humor technique – so now in my head I’m telling myself, in a cartoonishly thick French accent “Bwa hugh hugh, zu haf failed, mon ami! Ve shall laff at tu on ze streets oof Montreal! Hue hue hue…”

Dead srs – I didn’t feel that bad after that, that is to say I didn’t feel like a loser, when literally just a moment before I had. On a subconscious level you're actually training your brain to not take internal criticism seriously, essentially muting it. This helps open you up to a positive feedback loop instead.

2) Actually confront your inner critic in the first person. Critic: “You suck, you’re a failure.” Louder inner voice: “Hey, I’m the one doing it. You think you can do better? I’m the one actually taking the risks and putting effort in – not you.”


These days, when I’m confronted with failure or rejection, my mind immediately shifts into “situation analysis mode”. What were the potential causes of the failure, what steps should I try next time, so on and so on. Failure is just another step towards eventual success. Look, negative feelings are a normal part of life. You’re supposed to feel lonely, sad, upset, stressed, etc at various points. But you know the one feeling that you should NEVER experience? Discouragement. When you change how you view things, any sense of discouragement should go right out the window. I’ve been stood up a couple of times on Tinder dates. Did that discourage me? Hell no – I learned from the situations and adapted my dating strategy accordingly. When I have a date with a girl that seems flakey, I’ll always set up backup plans, including another Tinder date if I get stood up. I remember a few years back I was texting with this girl I’d matched with, and she was going to this outdoor concert. I ended up buying a ticket as well so that we could essentially turn it into a day date (at her request). But then about two hours before I was supposed to meet her she said she couldn’t go. I’d just pissed away $$ on a concert ticket in order to see her! I should have been angry, right? No time for that – I immediately got on my phone and bought a second ticket, then rang up a second tinder chick, and took her to the show on a first date. We hit it off, made out during the final performances (basically going at it while Dave Matthews is warbling on about who knows what), and then went back to my place for marathon sex. If “discouragement” was still in my vocabulary, I would never have gotten that experience. I would have just sulked in my apartment alone and cried on some mgtow forum about how vile all women are. My concert date is still a good friend, and occasionally a fwb.


So there you go reader.

Those are the things you should address BEFORE you put effort into building up a social life, as the above are the most common "trip-ups" that can handicap your progress
(not establishing a detailed vision, living slobby, dressing slobby, inner critic sabotaging). By cutting those off at the start, you're lightyears ahead of where I was when I first tried my hand at self improvement.


Another aside - you know what I find to be an amazing lifehack in terms of orienting a "you can do it" mentality? Music by Two Steps from Hell. Listening to some of these gets me pumped more than any preworkout. Give a listen to a few of these before you start some of the above activities.





 
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For making friends, I recognized one key necessity: in the adult world for guys, making friends requires
a) routine interaction, and
b) preferably, a shared goal (like when playing sports).

And now for the really good news: There's a metric ton of other people out there who are also trying to make new friends. So the environment is actually working in your favor without you even knowing it (or previously taking advantage of it).


In my case, I looked at my hobbies and interests, and thought about how I could "inject social opportunities" into them. But as always, you MUST put yourself in situations that involve routine interaction.



STEP ONE

Sign up for social sports leagues in your neighborhood. I’ll admit I’m lucky, I live in a big city so I have a ton of options with this, but every community has at least some opportunities. You go to the gym, right? Chances are your gym has some basketball leagues and whatnot. You have any local community centers? They usually have sports leagues too. Do not get tripped up at not being overly good at any particular sport. Most social leagues are just glorified excuses drinking, and often times have beginner/low-level teams.
Social sports leagues are incredibly ideal for making friends - you're seeing them each week (routine) and you're playing to win a game (shared goal). Some of my happiest memories of bar hopping aren't from my college years, but rather from post-game impromptu pub-crawls with my teammates. Over the course of the year I'll be in softball, beach volleyball, kickball, soccer. It's fun and it's a break from routine - it feels good to leave work a little early on a Wednesday because you gotta get to your game on time. And let me tell you something - I've fukked dozens of the girls that were on my teams (and on opposing teams). In any case, sports are an unbelievable opportunity to build up a social group.

So open another browser tab, and google “your city + social league” or some variation of that. Sign up for kickball – no one is actually any good at that nonsense. Indoor dodgeball, volleyball, ultimate Frisbee, etc. Hell, on my soccer team, I kick about as well as Stephen Hawking. But I’m also playing flip cup/beer pong/quarters with my team after the game.

Try to sign up for two sports teams each season, preferably where you’re playing on a Friday night and Sat/Sun afternoons. There’s a reason why these are the best times: Friday night means you can play your game and then have the option of chilling with the team after, or splitting, getting cleaned up, and going on a date (I’ll add my “practical tinder advice” to another post downthread). Having gametimes on a Sat or Sun afternoon means you can meetup with your team for your game, and afterwards start pub crawling or do some other early evening activity (grabbing wings at Chilis or some chit. You get the idea). As I mentioned way up above, some of my best bar-hopping memories aren’t from my college years, but rather from just last year on Saturday evenings post-games.

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Okay, so by this point you should have signed up for two days worth of stuff.



STEP TWO

What are your interests? Please for the love of God tell me you have some intellectual interests, cultural appetite, etc. Write those down. Or better yet – open another browser tab right now and as each hobby/interest that pops into your head, type each into google. Don’t hit enter yet though. Then come back here.

Okay, so now we’re going to transform your “one person only” hobbies into opportunities to create a social network of like-minded people.
I’ll give you some examples of what I mean. During my period of self-imposed solitude, I got really into photography. I bought a fancy huge DSLR camera, some lenses, and read up on technique. So I googled “photographer meetup” and similar terms, and was awestruck at all of the opportunities around. I also went to meetup.com (an amazing resource), and found groups that get together once a week and do city landscape wide-angle lens photography (one of my preferences). My local camera shop had a bulletin board for meetups even. So I joined a meetup group for camera hobbyists, and now once a week I meetup with a group, we go to different parts of town and hone our photography skills. I’ve learned so much from them about aperature, shutter, depth of field, high dynamic range, etc. Thanks to that group I’m able to go full beastmode on taking vacation photos (when I go on vacation with my buddies, naturally). Here’s a pic I took when I visited Yellowstone as an example.

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Wouldn’t have been able to do that without my camera bros. And now we do occasional weekend roadtrips to other areas for landscape photography. I’m having the time of my life every step of the way.

Likewise I’d been studying Spanish for a few years, and wanted to get more serious with it. Nearly every vacation spot I want to visit is in a Spanish-speaking country. And as I started to perfect my Tinder technique, I found that I was having more successful dates with Latinas, and that only further my resolve to improve my language skills. Boom - signed up for Spanish Meetup, now I got a 10am "conversational spanish" group I meet at a coffeeshop on Saturday mornings – usually when I’m reeling from a hangover. It feels great though just kicking back and engaging in the rhythmic talk/listen (push/pull) dynamic of conversation, especially since you’re helping one another improve your skills (shared goals!).
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Now my language club sometimes goes to a Spanish restaurant once in a while where we all order in Spanish and try to converse solely en espanol.

Ok, I don’t want to beat that horse to death. Now go back to all of those other open tabs, and in the google bar type “your interest/hobby + meetup” (and try some variations on that). Plus look at any class opportunities as well. I’ve taken Spanish lessons at both a private language school and the local college (most schools have a “continuing education” section. Take a look and see if anything catches your eye).

Try to sign up for one or two meetups/classes/groups. These are usually weekday evening things, although sometimes they’ll be on Saturdays. I’ll get further into scheduling later. Also, try to be creative in terms of how to transform your interest into a social activity. Like anime? There’s anime groups out there. Like board games, card games, etc? Hunt those down as well. Fuark – you know who have tons of friends? People that are really into D&D. It’s not my cup of tea but you get the idea.

One creative example: I enjoy running. I put my headphones in, lace up my running shoes, and off I go. No way to incorporate that into making friends/routine encounters, right? Wrong – I joined a local Runners Association. Also, turns out there are TONS and tons of running groups – just look for bulletin boards at running shoe stores. I was shocked when I learned that. So now I’m basically in a social league for jogging - each week on a Tuesday we meet at a bar, do a 5k run, and then drink the rest of the night away at said bar. Plus we occasionally will get together to all compete in some other organization’s charity 5k event (in most cities there’s tons of these every weekend). Every single time, we go out for breakfast/lunch as a team right after.

Ok, so at this point you should have four days worth of stuff going on.



STEP THREE

WILDCARD!

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This is the flip side of the last step. The goal here is to ease you out of your comfort zone by trying something new. Something you’ve maybe considered before, but haven’t attempted. I’m talking signing up for mud runs/obstacle course stuff, skydiving g
roups, golf class (fuark, maybe I should have put that in step 1), etc. Fuark, there’s probably even grilling organizations for guys that like to grill food. Even better, try something new that you’ve never considered before. Sign up for a triathlon group or something.


I’ll throw out my example. A few years ago I took up latin dance (stuff like salsa, bachata, etc). This was like an unspoken lifehack – in the classes, chicks would get accustomed to being pressed up against you, you’d notice your own progressive improvement as you continued to practice, and you’d have a life skill that impresses girls. After several months of classes, I started venturing out to some of the local clubs/bars that had “latin dance night”. And (to no surprise), I’d often run into other people from my classes there. And then we’d start coordinating trips out to these clubs. So now I’m “going clubbing” a few times a month, as well as intimidating (in an attractive way) young women on dates. In fact – every single time I’ve taken a date out dancing as a first date, she ended up sleeping with me that same night.
Every.
Single.
Time.

(It’s not always feasible to take girls on salsa dancing on a first date, or else I’d obviously just stick to that)

Open up another tab, and google some options. Hell, just browse around the meetup website or activities section of craigslist. Maybe your local sports team is looking for fan affiliates or something. You know, when I was living in Dallas, there was a posting at a Starbucks bulletin board for volunteers to help excavate an unearthed Acrocanthosaurus skeleton (a T-Rex wannabe). Fuark I wish I had my current mentality back then. I’d have been digging up dino bones!

Ok, so at this point you should have five(ish) days worth of stuff going on.


STEP FOUR

Now it’s time for the opportunities to socialize that went unnoticed. Volunteer opportunities – Habitat for Humanity, local lake cleanup groups, etc. (also a great way to meet quality girls) Likewise, if you have any museums/zoos around you that you might want to become a member of, as they’ll assuredly have members-only events. I’ve been a member of the Houston Museum of Art, Lincoln Park Zoo, and Chicago Art Institute. So many opportunities to both meet interesting people, and high-minded chicks that are actually interesting. A lot of these places even put on “young adults only” events, so it’d be additional stuff to add to your calendar.
If you belong to a church, you’ve got a ton of avenues right there as well. Look for any sub-groups that meet at your church for stuff like prayer group, volunteer stuff, church activities, etc. Another way to meet high quality girls too.
Also, if there’s any professional organizations that you can get involved with. I’m an engineer, so I’ve got like three civil/chemical engineering groups (plus the Society of Professional Engineers) that I’m a part of, with various functions popping up throughout the year.
Also if you have a dog – chit you’ve got it made. Dog parks are one of the best spots for meeting people.



STEP FIVE: BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER

Time to turn these individual groups into an actual “social network”.

Now this point is central - it's on you to be the "Mayor" of your social group. Set up activities that actually bridge these individual social groups you're building. For instance, I lead a bar trivia team. Tons of fun - lots of laughs every time we go out. But I made sure to cobble this team together from people I knew at softball, spanish class, my runners group, and a few workout partners. Basically when you have enough smaller social circles you can actually merge them into a real social network. One of the dudes on my team that I made is now engaged to one of the girls I invited onto the team. It blows my mind that any children they might have will exist because I wanted to get myself a life. Similarly, now that it's summer, I do beach volleyball on Friday nights, but if I get invited to a party that one of my photography buddies is hosting, I load up my car with my volleyball teammates and off we go.


EPILOGUE

Ah hell, I’ve been writing this for two hours. I have to go get ready for my date, so I have to wrap this up.
We're on this planet for a very short time.

Forgive your past self

for not meeting some fanciful "potential" and instead focus your thoughts and energies on improving your future self.
The “You” of 2018, 2019, and so on, is counting on you to make his life more awesome. Figure out an actual plan and set to it. Laying back and passively expecting a fulfilling life and social circle to "magically just happen" will not work and even worse, waste the precious resource of time. Put together a plan of attack and get to it. Don't let future You or me down.


We’re all going to make it.

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if you need this thread it's probably over. mirin effort tho
 
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@copingvolcel
 
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I'm glad you made a choice before life made one for you. It's essential
 
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That’s great and all but now give me reacts
 
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if you need this thread it's probably over. mirin effort tho
Crabs-in-a-bucket.gif


One of the things to note when you see some of the negative posts in this thread, like this one. Or any of the depressing stuff you were finding online, is that misery loves company. It's an unfortunate aspect of life that some of the "misery-oriented" folks in the world have an unwaving desire to drag others down to share their unhappiness. But there is a flip-side! Successful and happy people do the same thing. If you've "made it", there's a compelling internal desire to help/motivate others to reach their potential as well.

So when you see some of these bleak responses in any online communities, don't accept them as gospel truth. Rather, recognize that these people are unsatisfied with their lives......and their subconsciously attempting to drag you down to their level of self-loathing. It's a fact of life that some people don't like themselves.

You need to adopt the opposite viewpoint. No one should be a bigger fan/supporter of RecessedSubhuman1998 than RecessedSubhuman1998. Most people have an "inner critic" voice that constantly puts them down. There's actual techniques to removing the inner critic, and instead adopting a "cheerleader" approach. Likewise, occasional failure is a good (if not great) thing - failure is an opportunity to learn and improve. Failure was an outstanding tool for me once I recognized that its usefulness in developing precision and perfecting certain techniques.

I'll give you an example - I cannot count the number of initial rejections that I got on Tinder and in real life when I'd approach women. But after each failure I'd review and try to pinpoint where I went wrong and would recalibrate for the next girl. (ie, "this opening line isn't working, lets try this one" or "I was wearing a shirt that matches my eye color when I got that girls number at the bar. Let's double down and see if it's something that can actually help.")

Some other guys would have given up after getting turned down the first few times. I feel grateful for those initial screwups as it helped me determine what worked and what didn't. And now? I have to keep buying more boxes of Trojans to the point where they should make me a board member.
 
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bookmarked for later. Thanks you in advance
 
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This topic was a copy-pasta from https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=174443971&page=1
Credit where credit is due.

I thought it was a great post, outlining a clear plan of improvement for issues many people face. For me personally the 'shutting down that inner-critic' advice has always latched onto me. Hope others can find use in this post aswell or atleast some aspects of it.


2021 is a new year and there has no been no better time to start self-improvement than today.

Start now in this difficult lockdown period of time. Find information of what's going on in your area. Plenty of people are trying out new ways to socialize such as Zoom/Online Meetings. Take advantage and you will be certain that once this lockdown ends and socializing becomes easier, your social struggles are going to be a thing of the past.
 
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What tf never seen syo make a high effort thread
 
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you ruined the thread son
Nah he actually made it perfect since I had that copy-pasta crab bucket mentality reply that I was still going to post.

Would've been perfect to put that in in my 'reserved4' as a response to his reply but 30mins passed and I couldnt edit that one anymore. Maybe if some mod can change edit it in tbh.
 
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Holy fuck this is the thread I need never thought I'd find useful nt connection guide it's not over.
 
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Similarly, society is currently experiencing a “loneliness epidemic”. Joe Rogan talked about it on his podcast recently, as have the NYT and Psychology Today. I remember seeing a recent report saying that like 90% of men between 20 and 45 don’t have a “best friend”. When you walk by crowded bars and you see groups of bros hanging out laughing…that’s like 30 people in that bar. Meanwhile there’s 3000 guys that leave work and then spend the rest of their evening in isolation, usually playing video games or watching tv to distract themselves from their lack of connection with the outside world. So you’re not alone – not by a stretch. If anything you should feel comforted knowing there’s a huge percentage of people out there also looking for new friends. Hell, in the past year, the misc has been inundated with threads by guys complaining about being lonely. The epidemic is real, but it’s also treatable.
lifefuel
read every word
 
Mods pin this thread put it on best of the best
 
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You should try to grow all of your hair back with every hair loss compound out there
 
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this is one of the best threads i have ever seen on .me, thanks bro
 
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Effort
 
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Holy fuck this is the thread I need never thought I'd find useful nt connection guide it's not over.
For real. This topic was a copy-pasta but I have a similar story I can share.

I used this guide 2 years ago as an inspiration to socialmax in 2018. Joined a local sportsteam, started doing salsa-dancing and joined a jogging group here at university.
Row1
Salsa2


Eventually lead to getting my first girlfriend in 2019 and losing my KHHV status at 23yo. With an attractive 19yo girl.
Vf2wUaSe59R8SSTNHmfQlMnmtevq01gbUigS3uLRt3wJefIA2HFzC2HrXlFVWWuaWazKdOANtRZxvDrRviQY1Cwd5orLtyRt9WuwQ7DPf5fiIDY7aymq5DPyB_-EJ5lKIA6XUjQdXTBuoVcol7N4ikhSnerllh2MXRfu0YRv1Tipq76PvhiD4cj_8a1Rm5G9yNWcanJIcq__nKz4yyd4UCRodvIVzFzOccyctLraM9mIZCWKz5PGQBx-2CoSozE_ngRTdRo2RB2LGK_ZBlk3HllHxt_Ru811bXm1yE2h8E2_09CvI5j0g2VPCXmd2LLBlWSRc0D0D-7GcKFmoUV1kSpTz2rDjLGkM1aKbVsjbs3HCy8LClkWFWPKFt7F-FUqPsjpCfeS97273VxMD4abvQlMJhvZkqJEru2VvpqgYdz3_SjdhaJk4rjyATABsax9yh3BEtDI0RYnwhe7zcGG_aDPFNVQbQnJFOpEqdT4yw3ppMrCVrI8BCy_DO9Y1q4DEx--hS6_5eTpxwDsMFf6jlf-897w9RGRbOWtuci2Hdn6loztPsZj4Eijl_664_qKluuWLDCkm8fG6aNsOTHVQ-WnK6BMA4GeVGCZ3XIbTn8yEF034ko6jkeW2kMnXD3UswXvQbrxn_tttvrZxox_hajJ9HJ4S_ytkgPy174w0D748YCS_M5dDguiyGXK=w954-h1272-no


After that relationship ended, I slowly fell back into a depressive and lonely period of my life again. (24-25yo). My attempts at dating had only minor success after this girl.

I am done with that again though and it's time to get back out there. I forgive myself for missing out on teenage love, fucking up my social life, being fat, and everything else. Lots of things I had no impact on that fucked up my life aswell. Sometimes things just play out the way they do. (Poverty, Child Abuse, Bullying, and more). Life has a lot to offer still and it's far from over.

It's not over.

I will be rotting/posting less on these forums from here on now as I will replacing that time with real life activities, but I will check back from time to time here. This forum is not all that bad, just don't get sucked into too much of the negativity here.

Proud Of You Yes GIF
 
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What to do if you're not proficient in any team sports or hobbies to make friends?
Obviously I like many things yet I do not know about them to the level that would allow me to converse with another person in depth
What do you yourself recommend a teenager to partake in to find friends?
 
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For real. This topic was a copy-pasta but I have a similar story I can share.

I used this guide 2 years ago as an inspiration to socialmax in 2018. Joined a local sportsteam, started doing salsa-dancing and joined a jogging group here at university.
View attachment 920792View attachment 920793

Eventually lead to getting my first girlfriend in 2019 and losing my KHHV status at 23yo. With an attractive 19yo girl.
Vf2wUaSe59R8SSTNHmfQlMnmtevq01gbUigS3uLRt3wJefIA2HFzC2HrXlFVWWuaWazKdOANtRZxvDrRviQY1Cwd5orLtyRt9WuwQ7DPf5fiIDY7aymq5DPyB_-EJ5lKIA6XUjQdXTBuoVcol7N4ikhSnerllh2MXRfu0YRv1Tipq76PvhiD4cj_8a1Rm5G9yNWcanJIcq__nKz4yyd4UCRodvIVzFzOccyctLraM9mIZCWKz5PGQBx-2CoSozE_ngRTdRo2RB2LGK_ZBlk3HllHxt_Ru811bXm1yE2h8E2_09CvI5j0g2VPCXmd2LLBlWSRc0D0D-7GcKFmoUV1kSpTz2rDjLGkM1aKbVsjbs3HCy8LClkWFWPKFt7F-FUqPsjpCfeS97273VxMD4abvQlMJhvZkqJEru2VvpqgYdz3_SjdhaJk4rjyATABsax9yh3BEtDI0RYnwhe7zcGG_aDPFNVQbQnJFOpEqdT4yw3ppMrCVrI8BCy_DO9Y1q4DEx--hS6_5eTpxwDsMFf6jlf-897w9RGRbOWtuci2Hdn6loztPsZj4Eijl_664_qKluuWLDCkm8fG6aNsOTHVQ-WnK6BMA4GeVGCZ3XIbTn8yEF034ko6jkeW2kMnXD3UswXvQbrxn_tttvrZxox_hajJ9HJ4S_ytkgPy174w0D748YCS_M5dDguiyGXK=w954-h1272-no


After that relationship ended, I slowly fell back into a depressive and lonely period of my life again. (24-25yo). My attempts at dating had only minor success after this girl.

I am done with that again though and it's time to get back out there. I forgive myself for missing out on teenage love, fucking up my social life, being fat, and everything else. Lots of things I had no impact on that fucked up my life aswell. Sometimes things just play out the way they do. (Poverty, Child Abuse, Bullying, and more). Life has a lot to offer still and it's far from over.

It's not over.

I will be rotting/posting less on these forums from here on now as I will replacing that time with real life activities, but I will check back from time to time here. This forum is not all that bad, just don't get sucked into too much of the negativity here.

Proud Of You Yes GIF
BRO YOU'RE LIKE 6PSL
Even chad is a virgin at 23
 
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For real. This topic was a copy-pasta but I have a similar story I can share.

I used this guide 2 years ago as an inspiration to socialmax in 2018. Joined a local sportsteam, started doing salsa-dancing and joined a jogging group here at university.
View attachment 920792View attachment 920793

Eventually lead to getting my first girlfriend in 2019 and losing my KHHV status at 23yo. With an attractive 19yo girl.
Vf2wUaSe59R8SSTNHmfQlMnmtevq01gbUigS3uLRt3wJefIA2HFzC2HrXlFVWWuaWazKdOANtRZxvDrRviQY1Cwd5orLtyRt9WuwQ7DPf5fiIDY7aymq5DPyB_-EJ5lKIA6XUjQdXTBuoVcol7N4ikhSnerllh2MXRfu0YRv1Tipq76PvhiD4cj_8a1Rm5G9yNWcanJIcq__nKz4yyd4UCRodvIVzFzOccyctLraM9mIZCWKz5PGQBx-2CoSozE_ngRTdRo2RB2LGK_ZBlk3HllHxt_Ru811bXm1yE2h8E2_09CvI5j0g2VPCXmd2LLBlWSRc0D0D-7GcKFmoUV1kSpTz2rDjLGkM1aKbVsjbs3HCy8LClkWFWPKFt7F-FUqPsjpCfeS97273VxMD4abvQlMJhvZkqJEru2VvpqgYdz3_SjdhaJk4rjyATABsax9yh3BEtDI0RYnwhe7zcGG_aDPFNVQbQnJFOpEqdT4yw3ppMrCVrI8BCy_DO9Y1q4DEx--hS6_5eTpxwDsMFf6jlf-897w9RGRbOWtuci2Hdn6loztPsZj4Eijl_664_qKluuWLDCkm8fG6aNsOTHVQ-WnK6BMA4GeVGCZ3XIbTn8yEF034ko6jkeW2kMnXD3UswXvQbrxn_tttvrZxox_hajJ9HJ4S_ytkgPy174w0D748YCS_M5dDguiyGXK=w954-h1272-no


After that relationship ended, I slowly fell back into a depressive and lonely period of my life again. (24-25yo). My attempts at dating had only minor success after this girl.

I am done with that again though and it's time to get back out there. I forgive myself for missing out on teenage love, fucking up my social life, being fat, and everything else. Lots of things I had no impact on that fucked up my life aswell. Sometimes things just play out the way they do. (Poverty, Child Abuse, Bullying, and more). Life has a lot to offer still and it's far from over.

It's not over.

I will be rotting/posting less on these forums from here on now as I will replacing that time with real life activities, but I will check back from time to time here. This forum is not all that bad, just don't get sucked into too much of the negativity here.

Proud Of You Yes GIF
If I saw you irl I would be thinking to myself "Man that Chad must have such a better life than me. Here I am a lonely ugly incel, and this Chad is out there slaying. I have to wait for reincarnation ngl. Chads win at everything and this guy won at life."
 
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What to do if you're not proficient in any team sports or hobbies to make friends?
Obviously I like many things yet I do not know about them to the level that would allow me to converse with another person in depth
What do you yourself recommend a teenager to partake in to find friends?
You do not need to be proficient in team sports or hobbies to make friends through those activities.

In fact I would say most sports/hobbies tend to have more beginners than advanced participants. Especially if you are still a teenagers. Lots of people are trying out new hobbies at your age.

You will find out that people that have passion in a hobby or sports are more than happy to converse with you about their passion! The big older guy at the gym that is deadlifting 4 plates? He would probably love to tell you about his extensive workout routine and food hacks to get enough protein.

Passionate people love to spread their passion if you show interest. You just have to go out there and find them. Exploring a new hobby with other beginners is fine too.
 
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its not that fucking complicated just go to someone/ some group and introduce yourself
or if youre too high inhib work at a job where it requires everyone to work as a team
 
BRO YOU'RE LIKE 6PSL
Even chad is a virgin at 23
It wasn't always like this for me, I used to be uglier and kind of fat. I posted a transformation of my fatloss journey a while back but here it is again:

lolpicss.jpg

I was a kissless virgin in that last pic.

2018 is when I started to socialize a lot, after reading this post I copied from bodybuilder misc. Which honestly is a forum not much different than looksmax.me . Even Elliot Rodger was active there haha.

Looks are important, and I think it's good that the original creator of this post mentioned it multiple times. It will make socializing easier for you and give you opportunity handouts here and there.

But looksmaxing is not a substitute for socializing. Girls are not going to bang on your basement door to suck your dick.

And if you want to looksmax instead of socializing, till the point you can slay on looks alone from online dating apps...

I recommend against it. Because you are making life harder for yourself than it has to be. Socializing IRL is still a far better way to meet new girls, but also new people. Getting far more fun and versatile experiences you can't get by looksmaxxing in your basement and swiping on OLD all day.

Looksmaxxing is a beginning, but I think socializing should be the end goal. The place where you get to use your looks and get to experience life.
 
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If I saw you irl I would be thinking to myself "Man that Chad must have such a better life than me. Here I am a lonely ugly incel, and this Chad is out there slaying. I have to wait for reincarnation ngl. Chads win at everything and this guy won at life."
We have many good-looking kissless virgins on these forums aswell. It's best not to compare yourself to an ideal perception you have of someone else. I count my blessings with the body I was born in and how it eventually shaped up to be.

If you are ugly, you should definitely focus on fixing big failos, softmaxxing reaching a 'normie-level'. Although I would argue even if you are ugly, you can still benefit from socializing as even ugly people don't have to be lonely and alone.

Perhaps socializing will also help you find the motivation and energy you need, as some users here have fallen into a trap of negativity/ldar that keeps them from reaching the ambitions, goals they once set when they first found this community.

I am doing the same once again, after having rotted too much here for another year after 'ascending'. Covid is a good excuse, but even with covid there's opportunities if you are looking for them.
 
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Printing and binding this whole thread so I can read it properly
gif2.gif
 
This still doesn’t teach me how to manipulate social interactions and acquire Snapchat’s and text game this is useless.
 
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You know life’s fucking sad when you have to read a guide about making friends
 
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You know life’s fucking sad when you have to read a guide about making friends
Cope
It’s the norm for men our era now. Men no longer work side by side, go to war with each other, live near one another. What used to take a team of 8 men to do now can be done by 1. You don’t know your butcher, your grocer or your baker. Socializing used to just happen and was naturally occurring. Now one must actively make it happen. Society is atomized and segmented. We used to live in tribes and small towns of no more than 150 or so. Now we live as faceless drones in rat race cities inhabited by millions. Just one of many, nothing special, easily replaced, and who’s absence would go unnoticed by the majority of people.

This is the reality of the modern world
 
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That girl you dated was hot as fuck, mogged my first gf to hell and back

Where'd you meet her?
 
That girl you dated was hot as fuck, mogged my first gf to hell and back

Where'd you meet her?
Tinder 😂😂

Got really lucky with her from there tbh. She was the third girl i had ever been on a date with.

Now in hindsight, having dated like 30 women, i underappreciated her personality tbh.
 
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Tinder 😂😂

Got really lucky with her from there tbh. She was the third girl i had ever been on a date with.

Now in hindsight, having dated like 30 women, i underappreciated her personality tbh.
You said you're getting back to putting yourself out there right?

You'll learn to appreciate some other girl's personality.

Mirin you
 
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Got tired just from reading it, can't even fathom doing the actual activities with complete strangers.

You should try to grow all of your hair back with every hair loss compound out there
How is the HGH going? Did you test your IGF levels?
 
Dn rd
 
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Didn't read but looked like a good post so liked
 
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Wtf is that 90% dont have a best friend also in our country you think?
I have like 2/3 best friends
 
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so get a HT and fashionmaxx (ie look better) and enjoy the shallow "friendship" that comes from people wanting to hang around a good looking man. got it.
 
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This entire guide is utterly useless, its basically common sense.

The problem with socialization is that I cant make conversation - at all. Nor do I enjoy it, its very stressful and painful for me. If I was able to speak to people like a normie, I would have 0 trouble socializing.

Like, just strike up a convo anywhere, how come normies are able to make friends seeming everywhere? Thats because the conversation is the cornerstone of human relationships, you could have everything, but if you lack that, you will never have friends or a girlfriend.

And you not only need to be able to make basic conversation, you need to be funny, it needs to be enjoyable to talk to you. Your guide adresses none of that.
 
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Please brother my attention span lacks to even care at this point just make it short
 
you don't need friends. period
@subhuman incel
 
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guess what? not a single word
 
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