D
Deleted member 10699
Solstice
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2020
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I've said before that, if I don't become a HTN by 25, I'll finish everything (or get one surgery, which I'll try to avoid at all costs). I've been bullied and treated like shit for years because of my weirdness, and because of my looks. I've been called ugly, really ugly, weird, etc., by a lot of girls. I've been also treated harshly, been ignored by people in general, laughed at, pointed at, etc. This made me to be depressed at young ages (14, with depression going on until today), to develop social anxiety, fear to women and, in general, to isolate myself. I was bullied a lot by my classmates, sice they knew that I was autistic.
I didn't realise this when I was 15, but now, I've realised that I've developed lots of sociopathic traits, such as low empathy for those who aren't part of my family or my friends, narcisism, homicidal thoughts/fantasies, lying to NT people just to fake my persona, etc. In fact, I've never been normal or happy because I've always been told how miserable and useless I am.
My goal with looksmaxxing will never be doing better with girls, since I can't make normal friendships (I'll never do good with girls because I lack the social skills). My goal is to force people to accept me more; and since they like looks, I'm giving them that by hard work, to make them never talk about me like if I was a piece of shit.
Anyways, people have also always abused of me (not sexually, though a gay guy harrased me for a year) for being and looking too innocent, for being too shy and passive. They've lied to me, tried to hurt me emotionally, laughed at me, etc. I've always tried to be happy, but I have never achieved it.
This, of course, doesn't mean that I've never felt validated. My friends really like me as a person, and I'm happy with them because they don't judge me for being who I am. The negative feedback that I've been receiving doesn't mean that no one has never crushed on me/showed interest, but honestly, I feel like a piece of shit most of the times. I feel that everyone is better looking than me (though maybe this is caused because of BDD), more intelligent, capable, etc. Sorry for the rant. Have a nice day.
I didn't realise this when I was 15, but now, I've realised that I've developed lots of sociopathic traits, such as low empathy for those who aren't part of my family or my friends, narcisism, homicidal thoughts/fantasies, lying to NT people just to fake my persona, etc. In fact, I've never been normal or happy because I've always been told how miserable and useless I am.
My goal with looksmaxxing will never be doing better with girls, since I can't make normal friendships (I'll never do good with girls because I lack the social skills). My goal is to force people to accept me more; and since they like looks, I'm giving them that by hard work, to make them never talk about me like if I was a piece of shit.
Anyways, people have also always abused of me (not sexually, though a gay guy harrased me for a year) for being and looking too innocent, for being too shy and passive. They've lied to me, tried to hurt me emotionally, laughed at me, etc. I've always tried to be happy, but I have never achieved it.
This, of course, doesn't mean that I've never felt validated. My friends really like me as a person, and I'm happy with them because they don't judge me for being who I am. The negative feedback that I've been receiving doesn't mean that no one has never crushed on me/showed interest, but honestly, I feel like a piece of shit most of the times. I feel that everyone is better looking than me (though maybe this is caused because of BDD), more intelligent, capable, etc. Sorry for the rant. Have a nice day.