Zesto
ベルセルク
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2018
- Posts
- 2,150
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I was expecting the worst and what resulted was a lot better.
At the end of class after she asked if I still wanted to do this despite the prof delaying the test at the minute I said yeah, I'd rather study in advance. She then asked if I wanted to go to the library or off campus and I told her I know a nice café that's better.
We walked side by side to where my car was parked. She actually initiated conversation with me, we talked about school and the classes we were taking.
She got in my car and I drove to the café. It felt incredible having a girl next to me. I'm 23 years old and have never interacted with a girl just us in my life. I've never been alone with a girl before, or had any conversation with one that wasn't some forced group work or anything.
Unlike a lot of the other LooksMaxxers here I'm an incel first and foremost.
She talked to me about anime and videogames. What she was watching and reading. We had a pretty good conversation.
Then she brought up the new spiderman movie and I asked "do you want to see it?" When I said that I didn't mean if she wanted to see it with me I meant if she just wanted to see it herself but she thought I meant with me.
She then quickly said no she didn't and that's when I realized it was over.
We got to the café. I never had coffee before in my life. I got a vanilla latte because there's a meme with ER and vanilla lattes so that's why I ordered that. She ordered some ice thing. I placed my order and said that's it and she ordered after me, she knew I wasn't paying for anything so that made me feel good.
The studying went really well. She really helped me out and got me prepared for the upcoming test. I'm glad we were able to do that.
The one thing though is that while we were studying she mentioned to me that she took 3 years of Japanese in in high school. She is also a Chinese native speaker and took AP (Advanced Placement) classes which gave her a lot of college credits before even starting.
I felt intellectually MOGGED. I thought this girl is better than me in every way and makes me look like a joke. I told her I wanted to move to Japan and be an English teacher and I later asked if she ever went and she told me no but I realized she is far more prepared than I would be.
It reminded me of @11gaijin 's thread that women are superior to men. I never thought that until I realized how much better than me this girl is. I thought the one time I spoke Japanese in our class (linguistics) to show off I would impress/surprise her but it turns out what little I know is a joke compared to her. I felt so insignificant once I realized this. I felt really sad over it.
We accomplished what we needed to do for our studying and she agreed with me to go back to the college. On the way there we also had good conversations about the college, about computers, she asked me if I ever built a computer and I told her how I build them and do warranty work on them for my job at a computer shop (a lie). She asked me for recommendations and I told her what I would recommend.
This girl obviously likes me. It's just she likes me as a friend. There is nothing sexual there. I'm someone she's comfortable to be around, nothing more than that.
She however does not consider me an orbiter but an actual friend. We had the same type of conversations I would have with one of you guys here. We talked about videogames and she told me all about how she likes League of Legends. It was normal talk, not that cuck orbiter talk you're all familiar with.
Even so, that's not what I wanted. I can't lie to myself. This is what my guts telling me and from everything I learned this is simply the case.
She just ran out too fast when I dropped her back off at the college. I offered her granola bars for lunch but she didn't take them, she said she would get halal food instead which I told her I hate. I wanted her to take them because I wanted her to eat them and think of me when she was gone so I was disappointed she didn't.
She genuinely likes me though, and I'm sure physically as well or I would've never got this far. She just doesn't see me as the type of guy she'd have a real relationship with, that's the honest truth.
On one hand I wish she would've told me let's go study at the library. I wish she would've been cold and unfriendly. That way I could hate her and I could angrily say I'm leaving America behind, nobody ever treated me good here!
But she didn't. She was very kind. The Yellow Pill hasn't failed me. A western girl would've never gave me this much. Only an Asian girl would've ever gave me a chance/opportunity like this. For that I'm grateful.
I just wish it could've been more. But I know a lot of the people on incels.me would be happy from this. Like me, many of them never got a chance to interact with a girl in their lives. So I can't complain that regard, I can no longer say I've never gone on a date before and I can no longer say I've never spent time with a girl that wanted to spend time with me and was genuinely kind to me.
As I said though I wish I could've had a real relationship with this girl but that's simply not the case here. It's a friendship that will last through the semester and dissipate afterwards.
It's unfortunately but I can't lie to myself.
I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I should abandon my copes and dedicate my life to my studies. I should stop rotting for hours on forums like this with J-Pop soundcloud on autorepeat and instead fill my time with Japanese and College studies.
I can say without a doubt it is over for me in America. I will never get a real relationship here and I tried all I could.
Japan is what's next for me.
@jefferson @11gaijin @Afrikancel @averageblokecel
At the end of class after she asked if I still wanted to do this despite the prof delaying the test at the minute I said yeah, I'd rather study in advance. She then asked if I wanted to go to the library or off campus and I told her I know a nice café that's better.
We walked side by side to where my car was parked. She actually initiated conversation with me, we talked about school and the classes we were taking.
She got in my car and I drove to the café. It felt incredible having a girl next to me. I'm 23 years old and have never interacted with a girl just us in my life. I've never been alone with a girl before, or had any conversation with one that wasn't some forced group work or anything.
Unlike a lot of the other LooksMaxxers here I'm an incel first and foremost.
She talked to me about anime and videogames. What she was watching and reading. We had a pretty good conversation.
Then she brought up the new spiderman movie and I asked "do you want to see it?" When I said that I didn't mean if she wanted to see it with me I meant if she just wanted to see it herself but she thought I meant with me.
She then quickly said no she didn't and that's when I realized it was over.
We got to the café. I never had coffee before in my life. I got a vanilla latte because there's a meme with ER and vanilla lattes so that's why I ordered that. She ordered some ice thing. I placed my order and said that's it and she ordered after me, she knew I wasn't paying for anything so that made me feel good.
The studying went really well. She really helped me out and got me prepared for the upcoming test. I'm glad we were able to do that.
The one thing though is that while we were studying she mentioned to me that she took 3 years of Japanese in in high school. She is also a Chinese native speaker and took AP (Advanced Placement) classes which gave her a lot of college credits before even starting.
I felt intellectually MOGGED. I thought this girl is better than me in every way and makes me look like a joke. I told her I wanted to move to Japan and be an English teacher and I later asked if she ever went and she told me no but I realized she is far more prepared than I would be.
It reminded me of @11gaijin 's thread that women are superior to men. I never thought that until I realized how much better than me this girl is. I thought the one time I spoke Japanese in our class (linguistics) to show off I would impress/surprise her but it turns out what little I know is a joke compared to her. I felt so insignificant once I realized this. I felt really sad over it.
We accomplished what we needed to do for our studying and she agreed with me to go back to the college. On the way there we also had good conversations about the college, about computers, she asked me if I ever built a computer and I told her how I build them and do warranty work on them for my job at a computer shop (a lie). She asked me for recommendations and I told her what I would recommend.
This girl obviously likes me. It's just she likes me as a friend. There is nothing sexual there. I'm someone she's comfortable to be around, nothing more than that.
She however does not consider me an orbiter but an actual friend. We had the same type of conversations I would have with one of you guys here. We talked about videogames and she told me all about how she likes League of Legends. It was normal talk, not that cuck orbiter talk you're all familiar with.
Even so, that's not what I wanted. I can't lie to myself. This is what my guts telling me and from everything I learned this is simply the case.
She just ran out too fast when I dropped her back off at the college. I offered her granola bars for lunch but she didn't take them, she said she would get halal food instead which I told her I hate. I wanted her to take them because I wanted her to eat them and think of me when she was gone so I was disappointed she didn't.
She genuinely likes me though, and I'm sure physically as well or I would've never got this far. She just doesn't see me as the type of guy she'd have a real relationship with, that's the honest truth.
On one hand I wish she would've told me let's go study at the library. I wish she would've been cold and unfriendly. That way I could hate her and I could angrily say I'm leaving America behind, nobody ever treated me good here!
But she didn't. She was very kind. The Yellow Pill hasn't failed me. A western girl would've never gave me this much. Only an Asian girl would've ever gave me a chance/opportunity like this. For that I'm grateful.
I just wish it could've been more. But I know a lot of the people on incels.me would be happy from this. Like me, many of them never got a chance to interact with a girl in their lives. So I can't complain that regard, I can no longer say I've never gone on a date before and I can no longer say I've never spent time with a girl that wanted to spend time with me and was genuinely kind to me.
As I said though I wish I could've had a real relationship with this girl but that's simply not the case here. It's a friendship that will last through the semester and dissipate afterwards.
It's unfortunately but I can't lie to myself.
I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I should abandon my copes and dedicate my life to my studies. I should stop rotting for hours on forums like this with J-Pop soundcloud on autorepeat and instead fill my time with Japanese and College studies.
I can say without a doubt it is over for me in America. I will never get a real relationship here and I tried all I could.
Japan is what's next for me.
@jefferson @11gaijin @Afrikancel @averageblokecel