[Story] Year Of The Pig: A 2019 In The Life Of FrothySolutions

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Spring Cleaning" or "Mellow Ranger"

TL;DR:
Today is Purim, AKA Jewish Halloween. But it's also "the start of spring" according to the astronomic/astrological calendar. Which I disagree with. But I do consider it spring now, and I find myself kickstarted by spring's presence to tackle some tasks I meant to do. One of those tasks was clearing out my closet. And in it I found a bunch of old notes that I saved from my childhood. Character sheets for "original characters" that I dreamt up for shows I watched and stuff. I discuss the self-auditing process that comes with envisioning yourself as an original character. Also, there's this cashier that I see semi-frequently at McDonald's, and every time I see her I have a beard. But today I shaved it, and she seemed noticeably less happy. Does this mean dwarfmaxxing is the answer? In addition to cleaning my closet and cleaning the hair off of my face, I decided to tackle this stove situation and I've decided/discovered that hot plates are a suitable replacement. I only ever wanted the full stove for the mood it represented. I wanted the cozy feel for cold weather but now that the weather is warm, I'm in the mood for other things. But notice, I only ever get "in the mood" for things. I don't get "excited" for things. I seem to be a mellow person. Probably because of my digit ratio. Do you know about digit ratio? There are no threads for it here, but there's plenty on Lookism. And I learned that I have a high digit ratio. Which means I'm full of estrogen and have woman hands. Suddenly a lot of things are making sense. I think I should take action, if I can.

New page? 60 posts per page, I think it is, so #61 should take us to a fresh new page. I wanna thank the people who came by and posted so we could get to the next page and away from the older posts that were stretching the page. Now we can start fresh, on a page where all of the entries are spoiler tagged. Nice, organized, convenient, not stretched out and hogging browser memory.

It's the Vernal Equinox. Or as most people call it, the start of spring. I don't necessarily consider this the start of spring though. From an astronomical/astrological standpoint, sure. But functionally? No. I go by the calendar that society goes by. Like the start of summer. Some might say it's the Summer Solstice. But that's backwards, and for a few reasons. They picked that day because it's "the longest day." When the Northern Hemisphere is tilted the most towards the sun or whatever. The logic behind that is "All of those other days before the Summer Solstice weren't long enough or hot enough to count as summer. It only starts being summer when the day gets THIS long and THIS hot." Problem with that is, after the Summer Solstice the Earth starts to tip in the other direction, making the long, slow trek towards autumn. It's not like the days get longer or hotter after the Summer Solstice, or that they even stay the same. They start getting shorter and colder. As short and as cold as the days BEFORE the Solstice that we, for some reason, didn't consider long and hot enough to be summer. So how does that make sense? How is the 14th not hot/long enough to be summer because it's not as hot/long as the 21st, but the 28th IS hot/long enough to be summer even though the 28th is just as far from the 21st as the 14th is? Summer Solstice isn't the beginning of summer. Summer Solstice is the beginning of the end of summer. That's what I say! And it's what society says too. You know when we actually consider it summer? Memorial Day. At the LATEST.

But you get my point. It's not even summer right now. It's spring. And I feel myself coming out of a thaw. Not "excited," but I'm coming out of hibernation. Or maybe it's the long sleep I took last night. I'm getting organized, I'm tackling stuff I meant to do. I was cleaning out my closet, right? And I found all these old notes and sheets from way back when. Because I tend to never throw anything away. These are over 30 years old, they are. Talk about "Character Creation," I used to come up with original characters for shows and stuff I enjoyed back when I was a kid. Whatever happened to that part of me? Know what I think happened? I think it went away after I started watching less TV. Because I would watch TV and I would think to myself "What would I say in these scenarios that I see on TV? If I was in that group and that thing just now was said, what would 'my character' say? Between Sadie Mae & Googie, how is Shaggy pulling so much slay? Isn't he supposed to be a loser? Man, if that had been me?" I understand this is kind of a no-no in the creative community. Kind of a no-no. The mark of self-indulgent Mary Sues, Sonic the Hedgehog kink deviants, and Randy Stair. I guess what I'm saying is, Chad doesn't do this. But how about you? Did you ever do this? I don't mean "Did you put work into it" either. I mean entertain the notion of you, somehow, reaching out and touching the worlds of the shows you watch or the books you read or the games you play. For me, it involved a lot of thinking about who I am and what my style is. Let's take Power Rangers, for instance. I didn't watch very much of it because it was a little after my time, but say I wanted to be a Power Ranger. I'd need to ask myself "What would my Zord be?" What Zord would represent me? I'd probably need some kind of animal. But what animal is "me?" And then when I figure out what my animal is, if I wanna make a character for some other show that depends on having an animal token represent you, I'm ready to go. Like Animorphs. Which I never saw. But if I knew what my Power Rangers Zord was, I probably knew what my Animorphs go-to morph would be. And if I really liked that animal, I could incorporate it into my style and home decor. Or let's try something newer. There's a lot of anime nowadays set in schools, right? Say you went to one of those schools. How would you fit in? Where would you be when that group of girls who hangs back before or after class gets to gossiping about whatever? And maybe I'm mistaken, but these these school animes are rarely every just about school. Something plotwise tends to happen. There used to be this one anime, for instance. Code Geass. @Extra Chromosome knows what I'm talking about, right? I only caught glimpses of it in and out when it was on Adult Swim, but I'm pretty sure it was a school anime too. But the twist was, it was a school anime set in an alternate future where the British Empire never falls and just keeps colonizing everything, including Japan. And one of the kids at the school is part of the British royal family, who also becomes a magic terrorist who frees Japan from it's silent but dignified suffering at the hands of the big bad white people. Or some shit. What if you were a student at that school? Would you have magic? Because the guy wasn't the only one with magic. So your character can have magic too, I guess. Say you're kickin' it on the quad at your school in British Occupied Japan when all of a sudden a big knight-shaped robot zips down the street and an explosion goes off out of sight. What are you doing? Are you on the phone with your mom asking her to come pick you up? I don't know if that's from one of the episodes, but it sounds like it would be. Would you get involved with the dream of liberating Japan? Would you stand with crown and country and go goon squad on the rebels? @Extra Chromosome could probably tell you more about the show. But if you don't know the show, ask yourself this: What fantasy roleplay class would you have? How about that? Or what job would you have on an interstellar cruiser/space station? Have you ever asked yourself that?

Speaking of reflections of your inner self, know what else today is? Purim. Spring brings a bevy of Judeo-Christian spring festivals, and Purim is the spookiest. "Jewish Halloween" they call it.

Oh wait! I forgot about Mardi Gras! That was earlier this month! That's another "Judeo-Christian spring festival." Part of the Shrovetide. But it's also a time of heathenism. Like Spring Break and St. Patrick's Day. I forgot to factor Mardi Gras into that. So now I gotta ask, how could I have Mardi Gras, Spring Break, and St. Patrick's Day? Well, it's not always held so close to Spring Break, but this year it was. March 5th. So, if I was equipped to take advantage of Spring Break, what I could've done was stopped at Mardi Gras in New Orleans in the middle. On my way to South Padre. A la Ramblin' Man.

Okay but anyway, Purim. We're in the midst of a lot of holidays like these, hence why all of the megachurch parking lots have been packed to the rim in my area. But Purim is special. Jewish Halloween. And a full moon rises over it this year. In the spirit of Purim, I wore a new face today. As in, I shaved my beard. I haven't really had the strength to shave my beard recently, I've been so sleepy/busy with stuff. But I was finally able to make time to shave. Here's the thing though. It being the early goings of spring, it's still kinda brisk outside, especially in the morning. And when you're walking around outside in brisk air, your nose starts to run. So I like to stop by this McDonald's to grab some napkins to blow my nose. And usually when I go in there there's this cashier who greets me very cheerfully. Visibly charmed to see me, and charming me as a result. But today I go in, face shaved? Doesn't seem that happy to see me. Did I turn her off by shaving? Now, critics will say the usual: Don't look too deeply into the friendliness of cashiers. Being friendly is their job, they're not trying to do sex on you. And I'm not saying she is. But people's moods affect how they act. It is possible and likely for a cashier, whatever their job, to be genuinely pleased by one customer, but struggling to put on the face for another customer. You say being friendly is her job? Okay, so why did she choose to not be friendly today? No cashier is 100% all the time. Something affected her. Question is, was it the truth of my unshaven face that she now has to live with for the rest of her life? We'll see next time I see her, I guess. Maybe she was just having a bad start to her day. Maybe the well oiled McDonald's machine was giving her issues that morning. Or maybe she was sleepy. If she's still unhappy to see me, we know what the truth is. But then, even if she is chipper next time, does that necessarily mean my face didn't affect her? If being chipper is her job, she has to get back in the game, right? She can't let the horror of my unshaven face keep her down. My unshaven face took her by surprise. It disappointed her. But she shook it off and powered through, because that's what going to work is all about. Moral of that story? I think I know which direction I should go on the Manlet Character Dynamic spectrum I was talking about in "Character Creation." Beard. Probably should go in the bearded direction. The "Dwarfmaxxing" direction.

Speaking of it being spring, and speaking of tackling obligations, I'm looking into making moves on this stove. And I've been thinking, I really needed that stove mostly in winter, right? Now it's spring. Now it's starting to warm up. And my mood is shifting towards "light" and "cool." When I had it in my head that I was gonna get a whole new stove, it was the mood of the season talking. I wanted a stove because I wanted the warmth and coziness it represented. I was thinking of warm kitchens in harvest golds, avocado greens, and burnt oranges. It was the setting I wanted. But now I don't want that setting. So now I'm not really feeling this potential new stove. What am I feeling? This thing.


I used to think hot plates were for poor people, like me. A temporary mid-step towards getting a real stove. But apparently hot plates/induction burners are what sophisticated kitchens are using now. And in the future. It's less cozy classical, and it doesn't solve the problem of what these kitchens are gonna do when they need to bake something, but as the weather warms I'm not in the mood for baking. I'll cross the baking bridge later. If I need to allocate money elsewhere, I can safely do that for now without worrying about the stove/oven. I already have hot plates, and hot plates are apparently good enough for upscale restaurants if all I need is a stove component. Yeah, their hot plates are a little fancier than mine. A little fancier. But the takeaway here is that hot plates as a concept are now in vogue. Or maybe I'm just saying this because I want an excuse to not save money for a stove. So I can use it to go to South Padre. "Oh, a stove would be a waste of money! I have a hot plate! So if I have this money, why not spend it on South Padre?" But it's true, I've taken on new tastes for spring. In the cold weather you could've tempted me with evocative words like "hearty" and "wholesome." And my mind would go to hearty and wholesome bowls of oatmeal or something. Ahhhhhh. Hot chocolate. Ahhhhhh. Warm cider. Ahhhhhh. Y'know, I'm starting to realize something. I get "in the mood" for things, but I don't get "excited" for things. And that's a problem for me. Because I did say in the last post that I wanted to get "excited" about stuff. Am I excited about South Padre? If I couldn't go, would I be upset, or would I just shrug at it? Hm. I must really want this, otherwise I wouldn't make excuses for money to go. Skipping buying a new stove so I can go. But when you take a season people like, other people have much more vibrant reactions to them than I do. Me, I'm like "Ahhhhhh, fall." Or "Ahhhhhh, winter." And so are lots of other people. But lots of OTHER other people are like "AAAAAAH!!! FALL!!!" Or "AAAAAAH!!! WINTER!!!" Whooping excited to see it's here. But me, I'm about as excited to see these seasons as I am excited to take a nap. It's not "excitement." It's "mellow." I'm "mellow." And some would say "mellow" is good and happy and content. But I don't wanna be mellow. I wanna be moved by something out of my mellow zone. In a good way! I want to "sow wild oats" as my mother puts it. And maybe South Padre will be that opportunity?

Speaking of thrill seeking, fresh starts, and breaking out of cold weather doldrums to tackle obligations, I decided to make an account over on Lookism.net. Why? Because I need to get as many ratings on my collection of boomer men as possible.


I wanted decile ratings for each of those men. I did get some kinds of ratings from the people in that thread, but nothing decile. So maybe Lookism will give me better luck? The only reason I'm even trying Lookism is because Reddit won't let me ask for ratings on pictures that aren't of me. So I'm hoping Lookism will be less bitch about it than Reddit. But I need to rack up 50 posts before I can post a thread with images. And that's pretty bitch. But while I was over there I heard them talking about "digit ratio."


I first heard about digit ratio on a show called "Manswers," back when a show called "Manswers" could exist. And they basically advised that men have a much greater difference in length between their ring finger and index finger than women do. As a result of testosterone exposure in the womb. And that's how you keep a look out for trans people in case they don't wanna be totally upfront with you. Now, the way I understand it, you do NOT look at your hand and see whether your ring finger sticks up more than your index finger. Because that might just be knuckle placement. What you do is you measure each finger individually, from the crease. I did that with both of my hands. And on BOTH of my hands, my index finger is actually longer than my ring finger. I have woman hands. And any women who watched Manswers those many years ago will probably remember that episode and think "Oh jeez, how's she supposed to fuck me without a dick?" And the news only gets worse for me. My girl hands basically consign me to girl traits. "Personality traits correlated with digit ratio, higher being more feminized" says Wikipedia. Now it all makes sense. Why I'm so not-manly. Why my dick is so small and such. Why I'm so soft. I was born this way. Does this count as a birth defect for a man? Because maybe I can qualify for hormone therapy. This shouldn't be, should it? Clipped my stride somethin' really really real. Now I don't know if I even wanna go back and get those boomer ratings. Maybe this explains why the cashier wasn't happy to see me today. My noticeable dip in masculinity threw her off. Maybe this explains why I'm such a mellow person too. If I had man hands, I might get hyped for things easier. Men with man hands apparently are easier to provoke. But me? I just want oatmeal on a cold day. And hot plates on a warm day. Do I even belong in South Padre? Maybe there's a twerking contest I can enter. :feelswah: This hasn't been a very good Purim.
 
Joined
Nov 20, 2018
Messages
7,292
Code geass is the best anime tbh btw.

Sure it is in a school setting like in most animes, but that is only to appeal to that demographic. School kids who have no power and social status would drool at the sight of a mastermind student rebelling against a global empire and his parents.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
Code geass is the best anime tbh btw.

Sure it is in a school setting like in most animes, but that is only to appeal to that demographic. School kids who have no power and social status would drool at the sight of a mastermind student rebelling against a global empire and his parents.
Okay so you've seen the show. Say you went to that school as the events of the series went down. Where are you? What are you doing?

What looksmaxing have you actually done? Are you bald?
I am...

:feelsgood: Bald
:feelsmage: Old
:exited: Short
:feelsokman: Dickleted



I don't have very many looksmaxxing options. But I am interested in that RU58841 stuff to reversemy hair loss.


Right now though, I'd rather wait for someone else to try it. This could cause scalp cancer or something years down the line.

But also? I'm probably low testosterone. Looking at my fingers. Did you hear about this digit ratio stuff?
 

jefferson

150mg/wk test only
Joined
Aug 12, 2018
Messages
2,180
Jseus that's alot of text. You're not too old to looksmax but you're too old to go to college and not stand out.

I am...

:feelsgood: Bald
:feelsmage: Old
:exited: Short
:feelsokman: Dickleted
Not looking good. Get on some testosterone, do PE, and maybe you can betabux or fuck fat divorced roasties. Pretty grim but that's what you get for rotting for so long.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
Jseus that's alot of text. You're not too old to looksmax but you're too old to go to college and not stand out.



Not looking good. Get on some testosterone, do PE, and maybe you can betabux or fuck fat divorced roasties. Pretty grim but that's what you get for rotting for so long.
When should I have started?

I would hop into the fray.
Never settle for a mediocre life.
On the side of the Empire, or the side of the terrorists?
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
Started looksmaxxing?

Straight out of the womb ideally, but mid 20's would have worked in terms of going to college and partying. But now that's long gone. Just make the best with what you have. Get on testosterone asap.
Mid-20s I wasn't bald yet, so I didn't have that to worry about. Nothing I could've done about my dick, nothing I could've done about my height, and I also wasn't old yet.
 

jefferson

150mg/wk test only
Joined
Aug 12, 2018
Messages
2,180
Mid-20s I wasn't bald yet, so I didn't have that to worry about. Nothing I could've done about my dick, nothing I could've done about my height, and I also wasn't old yet.
Yeah that's why it would have worked (too late now). And you could always extend/jelq/clamp for your dick.

But more what I'm saying is you should have gone to college and done what you wanted to do when you were in your mid-20's at the latest.
 

Lifeisgood72

Erudite
Joined
Jan 5, 2019
Messages
1,118
Okay so you've seen the show. Say you went to that school as the events of the series went down. Where are you? What are you doing?



I am...

:feelsgood: Bald
:feelsmage: Old
:exited: Short
:feelsokman: Dickleted



I don't have very many looksmaxxing options. But I am interested in that RU58841 stuff to reversemy hair loss.


Right now though, I'd rather wait for someone else to try it. This could cause scalp cancer or something years down the line.

But also? I'm probably low testosterone. Looking at my fingers. Did you hear about this digit ratio stuff?
Ouch. Yeah ik about the finger thing. As for inceldom, I guess there really isn’t much you can do. Just become a monk and learn piano and travel. If you keep suicide as a viable option you might become less depressed because you know you have no expectations to keep up.

The struggle is real for people with bad genetics. It’s always been a struggle, even hundreds of years ago.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
Yeah that's why it would have worked (too late now). And you could always extend/jelq/clamp for your dick.

But more what I'm saying is you should have gone to college and done what you wanted to do when you were in your mid-20's at the latest.
That's true, I did want to. I guess I just didn't know how to do it. :feelsbadman: I guess I was mentalcel'd as well? And I didn't know how to get un-mentalcel'd? Whatever my excuses are, what matters is I didn't live when I was in my prime.

Ouch. Yeah ik about the finger thing. As for inceldom, I guess there really isn’t much you can do. Just become a monk and learn piano and travel. If you keep suicide as a viable option you might become less depressed because you know you have no expectations to keep up.

The struggle is real for people with bad genetics. It’s always been a struggle, even hundreds of years ago.
Learn piano? Why piano? And why travel?

On the side of the terrorists.
Would gain me the most loyalty and power.
What about you?
tbhtbh watch the show, its GOAT.
When Lohmeyer asked who would kill Kallen, I would've volunteered. I woulda gladly died trying, smacking up that smug, self-righteous smart-mouthed fanserving piece of Eleven junkyard dog shit.

At least that makes you less likely to be autistic...
And more likely to be everything else. But also, I'm probably autistic, so the fingers didn't save me.


 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Later, Virgins" or "XXX Marks the Spot 6: Out Of Movie Titles To Reference"

TL;DR:
Last post probably before I go to work and then to my flight. I'm going to South Padre with insecurity in my testosterone on my mind. Effeminate aspects of myself, physically and personality-wise, have come back to haunt me. I scored an ESFP on the MBTI and people tell me that's a woman's result. Now it makes sense why I got it. I should get my test levels checked. I'd like to compare them to other people's testosterone levels too. Maybe my testosterone levels would be higher if I caught up on my sleep? Question is, how do I know if I have? I talk to Reddit to see if I can find the answer.

I've been thinking about my hands a lot, and as a consequence, my testosterone. So many things are starting to add up now. Over on Incels.is there was (and maybe still is) a lot of "Take this MBTI test and post your results" threads. And you know what I got? ESFP. And the issue there wasn't how it was so different from everyone else's, the issue was that it was, according to people like @Warmest Black, a woman's result.

warmestblack said:
Stacy types are often ESFJ and ESFP. Similar with stereotypical Chads but more lean in towards T than F preference.

Weirdos / outcasts /losers rank high in introversion and intuition.
I guess I should set aside some time to go get my testosterone levels checked. Unfortunately, it won't be this month. I'm going to South Padre. I actually booked the flight and room and everything a few days ago. And because refunds don't look like an option anymore, I've just been trying to rationalize the choice. Come up with things I don't "need" to buy, so those funds can be, budget-wise and accounts-wise, retroactively allocated to South Padre. So it's been "Well I already spent the money on South Padre, was that stupid? No, it wasn't stupid. What, did I need that money for something? A stove? No, you didn't need that money for the stove, you're free to spend it." It's straight to the airport after work tomorrow. I expect this is the kind of impression I'll make on people. If anyone's still there.


Does sleep affect testosterone? Maybe my testosterone would be higher if I got more sleep. I don't gymcel, but I recently learned something interesting about lifting and things like that: Sleep is actually more important than food. And not just for lifting, but life in general. That threw me for a loop. Because Arnold Schwarzenegger always said "If you don't have enough time to lift in a day, sleep later and wake up earlier." But now I'm also hearing that Schwarzenegger was a notorious wise-ass who gave out shitty advice as a joke. To flex and mog on people. So if you were to lift? You need your sleep. Especially if you're not using steroids/are old and can't recover so good. But how do I know if I've gotten my sleep? You hear talk about "sleep debt" that accrues over time, not getting the right amount of sleep. This sleep scientist on Reddit, u/whatthefat, had this to say about it a few years back.

I'm not sure what any of that means. But it sounds like the answer is yes, you can catch up on a sleep debt, technically. If it's only a sleep debt of a few days or months, yes. But if it's years of sleep debt, no one knows, because it's unethical to test humans for that long. However, my question is, how did they know any of their subjects had caught up on sleep? What were they looking for that told them "This person is no longer sleep deprived?" Because if I can reach that state, I can know that I caught up on my sleep. I went and asked this Whatthefat person, but they aren't on Reddit constantly like some people. Probably getting sleep like a sleep scientist would. But I know that they frequent r/sleep, so I made a post there. As well as contacting them directly.


And now I wait. Y'know, if all the college kids have left South Padre and there's really nothing to do worth doing? Maybe I should use this time to catch up on my sleep. I've got all of the last dregs of March to do it. Maybe when I get back, I'll be waking up on time and at full mast and with answers to my sleep questions.

And if you have normal man hands, maybe you can tell me what your test levels are? So I have a benchmark to compare my results to?
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Fool's Errand" or "South Padre Island... It's Not A Dream"

TL;DR:
I recently got back from my attempt on South Padre Island. And like the St. Patrick's Day thing and the Halloween fetish party, I was basically just standing around alone for the whole trip. I most likely arrived late, I couldn't find any of the insanity I see in South Padre Island YouTube videos. But I did suddenly start getting likes on Tinder again. But now I think I might've angered someone and gotten myself banned from Tinder. I also met a woman at a bus stop who licked my ear. I'm worried she's given me herpes. But I spent most of the trip introspecting. I had a weird dream that seemed to take place in an alternate South Padre Island that may speak to what it is I actually want out of Spring Break. But I think my issue is that I don't wanna plug a stranger that I'll never see again. I'd rather there be more sexual tension. But either way, I'm not gonna ascend anyhow unless I take some actual steps towards getting my head together. I need to figure out who I am, what I want, and how I'm going to get it.

Yesterday was April Fool's Day. And neither Incels.is nor Looksmax did anything for the holiday? I went and looked for the gag, but I couldn't find anything. Not so much as a Women's subforum. Or changing the name to IncelTears.is Something! Anything! I did see that the domain changed to Incels.co. But that's not for a joke. Or is it? It was done well ahead of April Fool's Day, but as they've covered in the thread , a .co domain is more conducive to meming.

36490

Hilarious! Anyway, I've been busy re-adjusting after getting back from South Padre. To my regular non-vacation schedule. But mostly? I needed to reassess how I spent my "Spring Break."

Like I said before, I don't have a real good frame of reference for what a "crazy Spring Break" is. Because I never went to prime PCB. So if I'm /nightwalking/ on the streets of South Padre and I look around and I think "This doesn't look very rowdy or crowdy," maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is what "PCB crazy" looks like. Maybe "PCB crazy" doesn't necessarily mean "collapse of society." Maybe I got the PCB experience at South Padre but didn't know it. All I know for sure is how I felt about what I got. And it... just wasn't what I hoped. :feelsbadman: Again, I didn't have firsthand experience of what a good Spring Break should be. But I'm pretty sure I arrived too late for the pogo parties. I would've liked to see this...



I saw none of that. I thought for a while "Maybe I didn't miss it. Maybe I'm just not going to the right places, meeting the right people." But I know for a fact that I was too late for a lot of the major stuff. I know for a fact I missed Rockstar Beach, for one. For another, Here's a pre-Crisis video of the Holiday Inn pool cam at PCB.


Nothing like that in my pool. Mine was quiet. Secluded. I was often the only person around. And as a result, I didn't go to the pool very often. I spent a lot of time in my room instead. More time than I might've if I had come with friends, or met some new friends. I did meet new people on Tinder though, that's one benefit of the trip. Changing locations somehow scored me some likes. Thing is though, not very many of them are talking to me. Did I really fuck it up with all of those people? They were the ones who liked me first. Why aren't they responding to me? Maybe I'm shadowbanned or something. Because one of the women I spoke to, a Spring Breaker from Arizona State, threatened to do just that. And shortly after that, the matches stopped. And the responses stopped. And now Tinder won't load properly.

I also met a woman in person. Well, it was just barely a meeting. I was at this bus stop waiting for a free shuttle. And there were other people waiting there with me. When this woman approaches the bus stop and says something to one of the other people. I don't hear it, I think she's asking for a cigarette because the person she spoke to was smoking. Then she comes up to me. She asks me to lean in, like she wants to tell me a secret. I lean in. She says hello, I greet her back. Then she asks me to lean in again. I do. She says I smell good. But despite leaning in I can't hear her, so I assume she asked "Do you smoke..." something, because I thought she was looking for cigarettes. I say "I don't." She snaps at me. "You DON'T???" She sounds angry/incredulous. I'm scared and don't wanna get beat up. I say "I think I misheard you? I'm really hard of hearing." She repeats her self, kinda shouting, sounding exasperated. "YOU SMELL GOOD." I did not smell good, I hadn't put on any kind of fragrance. But I thank her anyway. She seems frustrated with me so I assume that's the end of that. But then she turns to me again and asks "So what's up with you?" I tell her I'm waiting on the shuttle. She leans in again and asks if she can have $2 or $5. I know it's not to catch this shuttle because the shuttle is free. But I give her $5 anyway. Strapped for cash as I am. She grabs it fiercely. And the way she grabbed it suggested some things to me. based on personal experience on the street, and prank phone calls I've heard made to brothels. It wasn't just her disheveled appearance. How defensive and quick to anger she was, she definitely seemed like a prostitute. This demeanor has been common in the prostitutes I've met, anyway. And heard in calls to brothels. They're defensive and preemptively aggressive, to scare away potential abusers. Quick to get on edge at the first sign of uncertainty. But I give her the money and I assume THAT is finally the end of it. But she asks me to lean in again. She says she has something to whisper to me. I turn my ear to her. And she licks it. And then she flees, smiling precociously. I laugh along with her, assuming she was just being affectionate. But then the pieces started coming together in my head. If she IS a prostitute, she's probably carrying something. Most likely herpes, considering how common it is. And she just transferred saliva to me. Did she just give me... ear herpes? I was so paranoid about what my ear touched for the whole week, I didn't wanna pass it on. And it was the first thing I searched up when I got home. Herpes can, in fact, infect a number of body parts. Went to a free clinic to get checked for it. But they said they couldn't check me unless my ear actually broke out in cysts. What if she KNEW she was carrying and DELIBERATELY infected me? As far as I know she's a homeless person. I don't know her name and I don't know where she's at. How can I pursue justice? But y'know... I thought a lot about it while I was there, and how common Herpes Simplex 1 is in the world. If I really intend to live like a degenerate, and I do, how do I expect to not ever catch any kind of herpes? Am I just never gonna kiss anyone? What if someone carries the virus, but haven't broken out? Can they still put their lips on me? Or can I still catch it?

I did a lot of thinking on South Padre, it was how I spent most of my time. That and furious scrubbing my ear with rubbing alcohol. As if that would help anything. And maybe it was cognitive dissonance talkin', because I wasn't meeting anyone or doing anything wild and crazy, but I had sort of an epiphany: I've lost sight of my true ambition. Spring Break is not where I should ascend. Why? Well, I know it sounds presumptuous, and get ready to laugh, but... it's too easy? Yeah, that's rich and chocolatey coming from a virgin of my age. But what I mean is, if I was to hook up with some stranger at Spring Break, it's because it's an environment where everyone is just open to whatever debauchery. And debauchery is what I want, yes. But I want the person I have sex with to decide deep within their vagina that they want to have sex with me. And that can only come from some time spent interacting with me. Observing me. Spring Break? The person I have sex with I would've met that day/week. We would fuck, and I would never see them again. Or at best, text them semi-regularly. That's not in line with my original dreams. The reason I originally was so obsessed about going back to school is because I dreamt of one of my classmates noticing me, approaching me, maybe inviting me to a party or something. Because they know I'm attractive and would fit in at this party. There's no time for that at Spring Break. There's no "pursuit." I want it like the greentexts of old, where Anons tell tales of getting invited to parties and girls trying to weedle sex out of them. Or the beleaguered incels of Incels.is/Incels.co who complain about their friends talking about all the sex they have and being afraid to admit they're a virgin. I want to be asked about my sex life. And I want to say "I haven't had any sex, I'm a virgin." And I want a girl to say "Are you saving yourself?" And I want to say "No, I don't know how other people end up having sex, I'd like to have some sex it's not for lack of trying." And see where things progress from there. I want... I want a girl to ask me for advice on what bikini to pick out. And for it to be a cunning ploy by her to have an excuse to show me her body because she's pursuing me. I want sexual tension to grow. How about this? We're something like friends, but the tension is growing. We're sat together on the couch in a this-is-okay-for-friends-to-do-isn't-it cuddle. We're watching a movie or Netflix or whatever the hell. Her knee is propped up against my dick and she's deliberately not moving her leg...

That's a little rom-com. It doesn't have to be like that. There's also that State Snap I posted in the original XXX Marks the Spot. I wanna meet a girl who'll let me pour things on her ass. And I would assume that might happen at Spring Break, but I want it to happen at a campus/dorm party instead. I wanna know and see this girl around for a while. I'm not sayin' she has to love me, in fact I'd rather she didn't. But I want her to think I'm cool and a worthy fuck. Spring Break? None of it means anything. It's all strangers. You could probably just pour anything on anyone's ass. On paper, it's Sodom & Gomorrah. It wasn't that for me, but it's supposed to be.

Maybe I'm confused. Maybe the answer to what I actually want lies in my subconscious. While I was there, I had this dream that was so vivid, I made a point to immediately write down the details when I woke up. In my dream I was sitting in a room, I think it was one of my old rooms from childhood, and I was sitting outside of the door to a crawlspace in that room. Inside the crawlspace was a nightclub-esque scene for Spring Break. There was a lot more space in that crawlspace than was physically possible. People were coming in and out of the place. Why did I sit outside instead of joining? I guess I felt secure that the club would always be there. But also, my sisters were in there. My sisters are into women. And I could see/hear my sisters in there. They were sitting with some people and they could see/hear me. My sisters and their group. So I was kinda "in there" more or less, just "hanging back." I was close enough to be a listener in the conversation and I think everyone at the table or whatever acknowledged that. I'm the oldest of my parents' children. Two of my sisters were there. One the one right beneath me in age/second oldest, and the one beneath her/third oldest. The third oldest was being very sociable and talkative. She started telling people about past endeavors in my life to pursue women and get laid. Wacky anecdotes to get a laugh out of the group. Now that I'm awake I'm aware none of those stories were true, but within the reality of this dream I must've remembered them to be true. Anyway, before I can say anything, the older sister/the one just beneath me in age, along with a few smattering voices in the group, protest "airing my dirty laundry" like that. I kinda felt the same, but a part of me was like "They should hear this, I want them to know what they think of my most candid and honest self." So maybe that's why I was slow to say anything. But because the second oldest sister said something, I guess everyone understood that this was something I maybe didn't want let out. But the "third oldest"/talkative sister was like "Pfft. If he doesn't want me to do it he can punch me in the mouth and I won't do it. I'll understand, all he has to do is punch me in the mouth." I decide to go in as she's saying this, and I ask her "Is that the cheapest price?" And she agrees that I don't have to punch her in the mouth, she'll settle for me beating her at Punch-Out! instead. So we walk a little further into the crawlspace nightclub to a console set up with a running game of Punch-Out. Except it's not regular Punch-Out. Graphics-wise, closest thing I could probably compare it to was the NES Punch-Out. But it had these cutscenes that looked like rough sketches of that Fat Albert cartoon. And it had the semi-choppy animation style of Rocky and Bullwinkle. And the characters were different. Little Mac was a poor black man who worked with his adult, poor black son, trying to make livings for themselves. Wages were low, so he tended to give things like "crafty schemes" and "gambling" a go. He had this real cartoon schemer vibe about him. And his son was often just along for the ride. Black Little Mac also had a friend who was his trainer, but I don't think this trainer was meant to be Doc Louis. He was black like Doc Louis, just about everyone was, but he, and his friend, looked more like Fat Albert characters than anyone. Black Little Mac's friend and trainer was also a schemer, but his friend was more complicit in the schemes than Black Little Mac's son was complicit in his father's schemes. So to recap, we have...

  1. Black Little Mac
  2. Black Little Mac's Son
  3. Too Skinny To Be Doc Louis
  4. Not Doc Louis's friend
Anyway, the premise of this game is that Black Little Mac is boxing for money. I play as Little Mac, and my sister plays as an overweight, babyfaced black woman wearing Little Mac's pink jogging suit. She's bigger than Little Mac, as most people are. Anyway, I lose. It looks good for me, I'm dodging, my sister is dodging, but apparently I wore down Little Mac's stamina without realizing it. Punching wore down his stamina, a lot of things wore down his stamina. And down Little Mac went, the match was called by stoppage. The jogging suit lady didn't even knock him out, it was exhaustion that put down Little Mac. And the "Bad Ending" cutscene went like this: Little Mac hung his head in shame and told his son that his boxing days are over. Then he put a dog leash around his neck and handed his son the leash. Then he implied that now that he's finished in this town as a boxer, their only hope is to go to the dog tracks. With him being the dog. Little Mac and his trainer also seem to part ways, as later on, and in noticeably less discouraged spirits, the trainer is ready to move onto his next scheme too, dressing his friend like a sheep and getting on his back and riding him. The final shot is of his sheep friend, grinning greedily at whatever their next move is.

What do you think that dream meant? :kys:

Maybe it's not the location. I've tried a Halloween fetish party, a St. Patrick's Day midnight bar thing, and now Spring Break. I'm running out of occasions that are conducive to party sex. Maybe it's not the occasions. Maybe it's me. Well, I mean, obviously it's gotta be me to some extent, I'm unattractive. But maybe I'm doing something wrong that's keeping me from getting to even the rejection stage. If I were just ugly, wouldn't women consciously rebuff me? I recently learned some stuff via @DrTony and @haircutcel.

Lots of stupid questions here. Let's get the facts straight.
1) 2D:4D ratio is indicative ONLY of in utero exposure to testosterone at a very specific time point when digit growth/inhibition is influenced by test/estrogen ratio. It has ZERO, I repeat ZERO correlation with adult testosterone levels.

2) Normal testosterone levels range from 300-1000ng/dL depending on the lab. Ideal level within this physiological range does NOT exist as some men will experience mild symptoms of hypogonadism at 300ng while others (with superior androgen sensitivity) will feel extremely high energy at this level and be lean and strong. Genetics is in fact a bitch.

3) Test levels dont get depressed more than 10-15% with sleep deprivation.
My finger fears might not have that much sway over the... let's call me a "man," that I am today. Maybe. Potentially. But there are things about me that I worry about, that I maybe wish I could change. So maybe before I go "Hmmm, maybe I should try Cinco de Mayo next time, see if any Mexican chicks will go for me" I should take stock of what's wrong with me, and then fix that. If it can even be done.

When it was time to go, my Lyft to the airport couldn't find me, even though I gave the address. And I call him. Turns out he doesn't speak much English. So if Lyft telling him the directions in plain text wasn't enough, me saying it to him in English was even more of a struggle. He doesn't seem to have even heard of the place he's supposed to pick me up from. But eventually he manages to pick me up. And astonishingly, he had GPS on his phone the entire time, and was using it, but somehow still couldn't find me right away? Astonishinglier still, he tells me he has a girlfriend who works at the hotel I was staying at. I was so flabbergasted at how long it took him to find me that I was reluctant to believe him. I think he was maybe just trying to make conversation. Or push off blame for not being able to find the place. Like, he knows of the place, his girlfriend works there, so it's somehow my fault that he couldn't find me. When I got home, I texted WYATT with the lackluster book report. He was very sorry I didn't have an ideal time. But he didn't do this thing to me. I arrived late. And I'm probably autistic and definitely ugly. Probably not cleared to get up on some distant twerking princess. And I probably don't wanna lose my virginity that way anyway. WYATT's advice is still sound. Provided I arrive on time and hit it off with the other people.

In summary, this was too expensive and too foolish a thing to do to not step back and really think about what I've done. I really think it's time to regroup.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Free Consultation" or "The Comprehensive List Of Things Wrong With Me"

TL;DR:
In this episode I talk about a list I've made of things I would like fixed in me. I talk about how being hard of hearing has stunted me socially. How people talk to me at work and I can't hear them. How years of this has weaned me from society and now I live in a metaphorical cubicle. And a literal cubicle. I talk about how I can't see very well. I talk about how my teeth are fucked up and how that keeps me from being able to eat food. I talk about how my back is fucked up and how that keeps me from being able to do pull-ups and sit-ups. I talk about my joint pain. I talk about how I have womanly hips and a womanly ass. I talk about how I probably have a womanly body because of the circumstances of my birth and the pre-natal testosterone I was exposed to. I talk about how my parents child production has been a little more than half all girls and my fate was probably sealed because hormone-wise, they're better at making girls than boys. I talk about how it might be my dad's fault because my mom has man hands. I talk about my dwindling sex drive. I talk about my once upon a time dream of loving distant 2D princesses and hoping to, if I couldn't be with a flesh and tits woman, enjoy masturbation. I talk about how my dwindling sex drive has made removed that option. I talk about how I'd like to get swole, but if the lack of testosterone doesn't hinder me, the lack of sleep and general lack of time to devote to a regimen does. I talk about sleep debt. I talk about sleep tracking. I talk about shift work sleep disorder. I talk about how my job doesn't pay me enough to live. I talk about work sapping any hope of a social life from me. I talk about how everyone seems to have free time to go to clubs and shit but not me. I talk about how much time it takes out of my weekdays to go to and from work. I talk about how I wish I had a social environment so I could have a crush on someone like people in school get to have crushes on people. I talk about how I wish I could buy a classmate drinks. I wonder about how sex happens at parties. I talk about the hypocrisy of me wanting to have sex at a party, but being afraid of herpes. I talk about how my mother believes herpes is no big deal and I don't even have to tell people I have it. If I have it. Which I probably do. I talk about how I'm probably an autist. I talk about how even though I sperg out like I do, the government wouldn't give me money. I talk about how I don't know how I would function in a social situation, even if a girl was to initiate. I talk about lucky bastards getting picked up on the street and taking strange women they just met back to their hotel to drink liquors off of their asses. I talk about awkward car rides. I ask myself what normal people do in car rides. I talk about how I'd like to follow the examples of normal people and learn how to be normal by copying them. I talk about penis enlargement exercises. I talk about how girth is more important than length, if you can get it. I talk about age defying tactics. I talk about RU58841. I talk about how being short might be something I have to just play to my strengths with. And I ask you for help with all of these things.


I've done a lot of thinking about all of the things I don't like about myself. I covered a few things here...

I am...

:feelsgood: Bald
:feelsmage: Old
:exited: Short
:feelsokman: Dickleted
...but during and since South Padre, I've really fleshed the list out. I've had a lot of time to just lie down and dwell on my feelings. So not only am I bald, old, short, and dickleted, but I find that also...

  1. I can't hear very well
  2. I can't see very well
  3. The radius bone on my right wrist is sore
  4. My right shin has been sore for I don't know how long
  5. Back of my right shoulder is sore
  6. My shoulders/shoulder blades are misaligned
  7. Back/spine probably crooked or cinched in the middle
  8. Anterior pelvic tilt
  9. 6 of my upper teeth are either missing or broken (On the right my second bicuspid & first molar are missing and my third molar/wisdom tooth never grew, on the left my first bicuspid, second molar, and third molar/wisdom tooth have cavities)
  10. I have a woman's digit ratio
  11. I have a woman's hips, ass, and thighs
  12. Could probably stand to be more muscular
  13. I probably have low testosterone
  14. I'm probably not getting enough sleep
  15. I don't have enough time to do anything in a day
  16. I don't make enough money
  17. I probably have herpes
  18. I'm probably autistic
This is Looksmax.me, a "looksmaxxing" forum, this journal probably should've been founded on me making this list and working to fix all of these problems. But what can be done about them?

Let's start with my hearing. It's only recently started to dawn on me how not being able to hear very well has crippled me socially. How? Because not being able to hear isolates you. Basically makes you alone in the prison of your hard-of-hearingness. A normal person can hear other people talking, and jump in when cued. Someone says something to someone else and you, the third party, can listen in for a point to jump in. That's just one benefit of being able to hear. But not being able to hear? Even if you're not looking to eavesdrop on people and invite yourself to conversations? It's like no one's around. And so you start to get used to being inside your own head. Used to the computer. And that's where you stay. Isolated in your cubicle, not able to hear anything but what your earphones are playing. People come up to me at work and say things to me while I have earphones in. And I always think "Do they really think I can hear them? Obviously I have earphones in. I'm not hard of hearing, it's just that everyone speaks in these fast mumbles. Why don't people speak slowly and clearly?" But then I think "Maybe I'm the one that's wrong. Maybe other people don't have this problem. Maybe other people can listen to earphones and still hear when people are talking to them." So what do I do about it? I've actually been trying for a while. My mother suggested that I might just need to clean my ears. But I do clean my ears. I... guess it helps my hearing a little? But that might be a placebo effect. Maybe I just have unusually waxy ears and within 24 hours or so I develop a waxy buildup that makes it hard to hear? I used to think that an ear doctor could probably look in my ear and tell me what exactly the cause of my bad hearing is. And I'm sure an ear doctor could look in my ear and tell me if it's clogged with wax. But most hearing loss is caused not by earwax, but by damage to the stereocilia in the ear. And you can't just flash a light in someone's ear and see if their inner ear hairs are broken down. It's more of a "Rule everything else out first" deal. And like so many other important parts of the human body, they don't grow back when damaged. So if it IS breakdown of stereocilia (which it most likely is), what can I do? Well, I could get a hearing aid. But that doesn't help much, I've learned recently. First and most obviously, it only goes in one ear. I wanna hear in stereo, not just through the one ear. Second, apparently just about any kind of moisture can mess these up. They can get waxy, like earphones get waxy. So you would have to clean it whenever wax gets on it. And if my earphones are anything to go by, that'd be very frequent that I'm cleaning them. So sensitive to moisture are hearing aids, that you can't wear them in the rain! So what am I supposed to do? Not hear people when it's raining? When my hearing is at its worst due to being surrounded by deafening rainfall??? Is hearing science really only this far along???

Well, there is this. Experimental gene therapy for regrowing ear hair cells.


However, that article and its video were released way back in 2015. And whatever this ear hair cell regrowing therapy is, it hasn't been seen on the consumer market yet. So I guess I'm still waiting for the magic science to be invented.

As for my bad vision, I'm also waiting for a new development to hit the consumer market. The Ocumetics™ Bionic Lens.


I don't wanna have to keep up with contact lenses, and I'm afraid of laser eye surgery. But they tell me the Bionic Lens is an "intraocular lens." It goes inside your eyeball. And apparently the entire procedure takes only a few minutes. And it gives you zoom vision. I heard about that a few years ago, and back then they said it should be available by the year 2020 or something. Here's the updates page.


Last update was in 2017 and it was basically "Hey we had to go back to the drawing board and change the design, so now the release has been pushed back because we need to do trials again. With the new design. Also the design change was for mass production so it probably doesn't work as well as the original one-of-a-kind prototype. Whoops." So far they have no regulatory approval to speak of, and the closest thing to a "celebrity endorsement" they have is a Matthew Santoro video I don't have the patience to go look for. So once again, a long wait to go. But I've also learned that even though Ocumetics is struggling, I don't have to wait if all I want is an intraocular lens. I don't know how quick and painless the procedures are, or how well they work, but intraocular lenses have been a thing for a while. And Wikipedia says they're "safer than conventional laser eye treatment."


So that's one potential way out with my eyesight problems. But I'm not that worried about my eyes. What I really want is to be able to hear. To not be alone, adrift in a sea of whispers and mumbles.

How crucial are good teeth to ascension? I don't know. I'm more worried about the fact that it's keeping me from eating like a normal person. And I don't wanna eventually lose so many teeth that I need dentures. So I'm scrubbing what few teeth I have left like they're on life support. Because in many ways, they are. Of my upper teeth, the right side has two adjacent teeth missing. A huge gap in the row of teeth that once was. I can't chew very well with it. As for the left? I have more teeth over there, but they have cavities. Big cavities. Pulp/nerves exposed. And whenever I get food in there, the pain is excruciating. Tooth pain is some of the worst torture in the world. Some of you might've heard the tale of John Thomas Doyle who, in 1954, jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge, leaving this note explaining why: "Absolutely no reason except I have a toothache." u/wirris speculates that this killer toothache might've actually been "trigeminal neuralgia."

https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/1paah3/_/cd0e8nz
I'm not saying I have that, but I do have exposed tooth nerves. And so to avoid triggering them, I have to chew on the other side of my mouth. The side with the huge gap where teeth should be. So I can't chew very well and most likely will not chew well again until I do something about my mouth. I guess the easiest thing to do would be to get the cavities on the left side of my mouth filled and capped. But like with the ear therapy and Ocumetics zoom lens, there's new speculative advancements I've got my nearsighted eyes on.


Stem cells, the most forbidden of fruits, are once again the key to immortality. All those old crones from the fairy tales really had it right when they ate babies to maintain their youth. Using stem cells, now we can grow brand new teeth. Like with the bionic eye and the ear hair therapy, it's not on the consumer market yet. But one day I might be able to grow whole new teeth and have them implanted in my head. Sounds expensive though. For some reason I have it in my head that it'll eventually be cheaper to grow teeth instead of fashioning metal/porcelain implants, but I'm probably wrong. And if I want implants, I should probably spring for the ones that are available today.

I probably need to see a chiropractor or an orthopedist for my bone issues. My sore wrist, my sore shin, my sore shoulder, and my crooked back. The sore wrist I'm pretty sure comes from turning doorknobs at my job. They're positioned weirdly on the doors and you have to twist and crank and crane your wrist to open them. The wrist and shoulder I'm hoping will just go away eventually. But I'm worried it won't. Because this shin tickle right under my knee? It has endured longer than I can remember. It's not always noticeable, I could reach down to my shin and smack and thump and massage the sore area and not feel anything. But if I was to try and jump, the pain would start. It's a mild pain, but definitely one that would probably hinder me if I ever tried to do lower body exercise. Could the cartilage be wearing down/hardening? Is this my future forever? I'm reminded of a bit Louis CK did once about getting old, and joint pain.


They ended this man's career and ruined his life. And ushered in an era where we have to evaluate every comedian's stand up and ask ourselves "Is it offensive what they just said?" All because he asked for consensual sex. Ironically, Roseanne Barr was one of the ones who took him down. And now she's suffering splash damage thanks to the culture she helped create.

Now, my posture/shoulders. Every ID photo I've ever taken, I look like I'm leaning to the right. I never really noticed it as much looking in the mirror, but after enough ID photos I've started to notice something is wrong. I'd like to be more muscular, sure, but am I in any shape to start exercising? Say I wanted to do pull-ups. If my shoulder blades are misaligned or dislocated or something, I could end up ruining my back, couldn't I? My anterior pelvic tilt though, I'm not sure I have it. There are certain methods for determining if you have anterior pelvic tilt. They say if you lay on the floor like you're getting ready to do sit-ups, and there's an arch to your lower back, you have anterior pelvic tilt. You need to be able to press your back flat against the ground. If you look at the waistline of your pants and it's tilted downward? You got anterior pelvic tilt. And I've tried these things. And yes, there's an arch to my lower back when I lie in the floor. But I can flatten my back if I want to. I just need to tilt my pelvis the other way. The waist of my pants does tilt. But I think it might just be because all of my pants fit me weirdly. I wonder if maybe it's not anterior pelvic tilt. I wonder if maybe it's because I have a fat ass.

Which brings me to one of my most heartbreaking flaws. I fear that I might have such naturally low testosterone that I've developed womanly features. The digit ratio, for instance. @DrTony and others have rightly explained that this is just pre-natal testosterone. The testosterone you were exposed to at birth. It's very possible and probably even common to grow into a man, even if you're born an effeminate boy. But what if I missed my chance to do that? Pre-natal testosterone, surely that's the foundational testosterone? The testosterone that decides whether you're a boy or a girl? As @haircutcel explained, pre-natal testosterone determines your penile potential. If my testosterone exposure was low at birth, I'm pretty sure this has had more effect on me than something as minor as my finger length. It's probably the reason my dick is so small and my hips are so wide. And you might be thinking "Well you're probably just fat. Lose the gut, you'll lose the butt." But I don't think I am fat. I'm 5 foot 5, 141 pounds, last time I checked. That gives me a BMI of 23.5. I could be "skinny fat," but in order to have a huge ass like a man has a huge ass, I would have to be "regular fat." In order to have an ass like I have now and for it to be entirely the fault of my eating habits/lack of exercise, I would have to be obese. But I have a relatively flat 27-inch stomach, which balloons out to 45-inch baby bearing holiday hams. One of the key hormonal differences between men and women is where they store their fat. All my fat is going where it would go on a woman's body.


I've seen myself in the mirror, I look like that guy from /fit/. I won't post him here because there's rules about posting gay stuff like men's asses, But his picture is the cautionary tale people invoke to warn against trying Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe. Apparently, contrary to what all of the leg day proponents say, you CAN accidentally get a huge lower body by overtraining. But I haven't done a squat in my life. So why do I have the lower body proportions of a woman? I have to believe it's because of my pre-natal testosterone, I have to believe I started this whole "being a boy" thing on the wrong foot, and never got on the right foot. This ass, these hips, they make my pants fit weird. I'm pretty sure they make my back arch when I try to do sit-ups. Leg day proponents tell me "It's that desk job of yours. You need to do squats to train your glutes and hip flexors." But I don't wanna end up with an even bigger ass.

My parents have six children. Four are girls. Two are boys. I think that's what the scientific process calls "multiple trials." Whatever was going on in my mother's womb, I'm pretty sure things erred on the side of less testosterone and more estrogen. And I don't know who to blame. Was my mother just built for making girls? I went and measured my mother's hands. And would you believe it, she actually has a man's digit ratio. So did my father just fail to bring enough testosterone to the party to make whole boys? Is my dad built for making girls? Unlike teeth and eyes and ears and posture, I don't know how to fix this one. Maybe see an endocrinologist? If I'm actually in as bad a shape as I fear, I probably qualify for some kind of hormone therapy, right? Transsexuals can just elect to pump themselves full of that shit and no one bats an eye. No one tells them not to because of health risks or anything. There are female-to-males that, if you didn't tell me they still had vaginas, I would assume were born male.

If nothing else, I should get my levels tested, probably. I want high T because I want to build muscle. I want a manly figure, not a girlish figure. I kinda fear that low T will hinder my gains. But some people, people like @FatmanO, say that testosterone isn't that much of a contributor.

https://looksmax.me/threads/test-levels-dont-matter-for-building-muscle-how-androgen-receptors-respond-to-test-matters-the-most-to-building-muscle-low-tcels-gtfih-lifefuel.13986/

Others like @elfmaxx say "No, that's actually a very big percentage of your muscle that testosterone is responsible for bringing to the protein synthesis potluck."

"Just 4

Just 4lbs of natural muscle
Just 4lbs
of
natural muscle

Did anyone else fucking lose it when they read that? Just lol
4lbs of muscle is no big deal guys, it's only like 20% of the gains you're going to make in your life who cares?
All I know is more testosterone probably can't hurt me. Can it? But my testosterone woes are about more than just becoming another Zyzz. More than just being a real boy. This is mostly about my sex drive.

Early on, I think it was shortly after college and I was really into 2D, I resolved that I would probably never find a wife. Which was fair, because it would be unfair to my future wife to lust after 2D waifus instead of her. "Alienation of affection" they call it. Sure, plenty of wives are understanding that their husbands look at porn. Might even watch the porn with them. But when it turns into "I actually wanna fuck Mia Khalifa, this isn't some cutesy couples thing we do to explore each other's sexuality I'm fantasizing about being with Mia Khalifa and not my wife" it starts to become him feeling for other women what he should feel only for his wife. And the same principle follows for 2D. So I was ready to just make the Hot 100 my life. As long as I could enjoy gratifying orgasms as I fantasized about the pictures I had. And I used to be able to. But somewhere along the line... old age started to set in, I guess. Erections didn't last as long. Took longer to orgasm. And most nights it just wasn't worth the trouble to try rubbing out a nut. Used to be I rubbed one out at LEAST three times a day. At LEAST! I didn't count, all I know is that I did it once when I woke up, once when I went to bed, and at least once in the middle of the day. But it was never only once that I did it in the middle of the day. This new thing called Toonami had recently hit the scene and I was looking at Sailor Moon like "This is a show for girls? Not grown men? They don't look like that to appeal to men, you're telling me? You're serious?" Fantasies would swim in my head constantly. So much so that I kept a journal of fantasies, just so I could focus on one when the time came. And every fantasy captivated me. All were excellent masturbatory aids. But fast forward to today, and the love is just not there. I work to maintain a healthily masturbated penis, but I used to not need to work. Something's changed, and I'm pretty sure it has to do with me getting older. You've probably heard the old lament: Young man stumbles upon porn or hentai or ecchi or whatever for the first time. Maybe it's DragonMoon X. Maybe it's a furry club on Yahoo! Groups. Maybe it's an open directory of nudes. There's all kinds. And his world is rocked. He's like "Oh my God. Oh my God. Breasts, hips, thighs, asses, pussies..." He's consumed by it. Where is this man today? In this age of Danbooru and Gelbooru where all the pictures you could ever want are a click away? He's utterly desensitized, rapid-fire clicking through tag after tag lazily glancing over pictures, looking for something, anything, to make him feel again. Does he need newer, more extreme porn? It's not like he's jonesing for stronger drugs. A drug addict can at least still feel withdrawal. This isn't a feeling of withdrawal the man feels today. It's a feeling of "Alright, let's see what we've got here. Huh. She's pretty... I dunno, let's try a video. What? 30 minutes? Like hell I'm watchin' that whole thing. Is there, like, a 60-30 second trailer? Alright, 60 seconds of all the highlights. I got enough here to rub one out before bed." That's his night. He's totally detached. It's not that he's shivering and shaking for the old highs, it's just that he doesn't care anymore. I don't care anymore but for the lack of caring. I care about caring again.

Some people suggest trying NoFap. There's all sorts of fairy stories about how it works.

https://looksmax.me/threads/legends-that-did-nofap-gtfi.14491/

There's a disagreement on how magical NoFap really is, but the general agreement is that spending your fapping energy/horny level on other more productive things will unlock new capabilities you didn't know you had. Don't have sex before a game, win the game. Be like Steve Jobs and save your nut so you can boss around Steve Wozniak. Be like Kanye West and store up so much precious bodily fluid that you become really good at, I guess rapping is what he does? Or music production? But here's the thing. In order for this to work, you must have energies to store. You must have a horniness that you can redirect towards productivity. I don't have one. So if I'm going months without fapping and I don't even get the common courtesy of a 7 day spike, I must have something wrong with me, right?

If I can't get my sex drive back, maybe I can build muscle. Despite my womanly body. Actual women with vaginas are able to build muscle. It's possible. But it's probably not possible if I can't work out. And in order to work out, you need time out of your day to work out. And time to sleep. And that brings me to my other concern. Work, getting to work, getting home from work, it's taking up a huge chunk of my day. And as a result I don't have much time time to do anything fun like normal people do. And perhaps more importantly? I don't have time to sleep. I worry that sleep might be killing my testosterone and sex drive. But even if it's not, you need sleep to build muscle. Muscle grows when you rest. Specifically during your deep sleep, overnight. Without it, gains stop. Strength stops. You just hang around the same power level forever. In the Gymcelling Megathread, @Nibba has laid out a plan that, apparently, is good enough to sticky as gospel. And it's not bad advice. Except I'm pretty sure you're supposed to work the muscles you want to grow more than once per week. The "Bro Split" is bad advice. I hear. What do I really know? Me with my woman's body? But I wanna bring attention to this part of the post.

Misc
  1. sleep (above 7 hours is okay, above 8 hours is good, 9+ is ideal)
    1. this is required for muscle growth
    2. you have to give your body time to recover
First of all, I think he maybe buried the lead. He said "Diet is the main thing every lifter needs to master." I guess sleep isn't really anything that takes "mastering" but the way I heard it back during "XXX Marks the Spot 6," sleep is actually more important than food. Lack of sleep renders everything moot. But second, and most important, 7-9+ hours of sleep??? The way my life is right now? That is just about impossible. Work, going to work, getting home from work, books me from 6:00 AM to 7:00 PM. If I want idealest gains, that would leave me 2 hours of time when I'm at home and not asleep. I can ratchet that up to 4 if I'm willing to sacrifice sleep gains. And I'm not. I want the best gains, if I can get them. But right now I can't even afford moderate gains. Because 4 hours? Now I see why he went with the Bro Split. There isn't enough time in the day to do a bunch of sets for a bunch of different muscles. As busy as I am today? I get about 5 hours a night on average if it's a work night. Weekends are when I really treat myself with quality sleep. And worse still, this has been going on, at least, for the past... 5 years. At least. And so I've incurred a sleep debt that has probably ruined my bodily metabolisms. If I was to start lifting, and somehow found the time to sleep 9 hours a night, I probably wouldn't grow muscle overnight like I should because my body is still fucked from the 5 years of not sleeping properly. And so I've become really interested in learning what my sleep debt is, and how to know when it's paid off. I'm talking to sleep doctors on Reddit, and best they can tell me is, when my sleep patterns return to consistent levels, when my sleep is no longer irregular, I've caught up on sleep. I'd like to get a sleep tracker to measure if my sleep is regular. Because I've slept for 8 hours before. Even longer. But I don't know if that's healthy or not. A tracker could probably tell me. But u/somnodoc, and several articles, say just about every sleep tracker on the consumer market is very inaccurate.

https://www.reddit.com/r/androidapps/comments/66y7pd/_/dgm6nyz
But note, he also says that he's got his ear to the ground for some soon to come sleep trackers that you wear on your head. But last he checked, they weren't on the market. Right up there with Ocumetics and the stem cell teeth. But wait a second, last he checked was April 22nd, 2017. And since then, sleep tracking headgear has been introduced to the consumer market! There's Dreem...

https://sleeptrackers.io/qa-dreem-active-eeg-sleep-wearable/

There's Muse...

https://choosemuse.com/

There's Sleep Shepherd...

https://sleepshepherd.com/

Could any of these be one of the ones he was keeping an eye out for? I've reached out to him, I'm waiting on a response.

But my job isn't just cutting into my sleep. It's cutting into my life. With work taking up 13 hours of my day, how often can I do the things that lead to ascension? Let's say I go on Tinder. I hit it off with a lady and she wants to meet up for drinks. When would I meet her for drinks? The weekend? Would we only ever interact on the weekend? What kind of fling is that? Like I said in "The Social Retard," seeing somebody once a weekend isn't enough to build up bonds. And maybe that's why older people tend to be lonelier than younger people. Because younger people are in school, going to parties, hooking up, rushing to the pharmacy to get Plan B, panicking because the pharmacy closes well before 2:00 in the morning, and looking up "how soon after sex in pussy does a girl get pregnant." I'm really kinda obsessed with how it is I'm supposed to have a social life while not being in school. I don't just mean "How do I go to events?" I do mean that, but I mean other things. Mostly, where am I supposed to find a social environment where I can pursue women and women can pursue me? How am I supposed to develop a "crush" on someone? That's what I want. To have a crush on someone, and/or someone to have a crush on me. But I don't think it can happen without school. This poll of mine seems to confirm it.


When you're out of college, your life is work, and then going home. How are you supposed to meet anyone new? When are you supposed to chill at their house and play video games or whatever it is non-college people do? And where are you supposed to find girls who will, without pay, suck your dick while you play video games? You can only find them if you first met them in school.

But school or not, I'm starting to notice everyone's finding time to gets to live and do stuff. And I'm wondering, where do they find the time to do this if they have to go to work? How much free time from work do they have? When are they getting off from work? Because I'm not free until 7:00. So I have to figure that everyone else is getting off of work/getting home/becoming free sooner than I am. Even my own co-workers. I asked one of them what time they get home. Factoring in transit, she gets a good 30 minutes of extra free time after work compared to me. Probably more because she probably doesn't wake up bright and early in the morning, I'm pretty sure. And she's an employee who really burns the midnight marshmallows. Even though I wake up earlier than she does, I don't come in any earlier than I need to. She comes earlier than I do. So I'm doing something wrong here. Work is taking up more of my day than other people. As if I needed another reason to find another job. Here's yet ANOTHER reason to find a job, one that's hitting me real hard right now: It doesn't pay very well. And I haven't gotten a promotion/raise in years. Because of my low salary my trip to South Padre has left me rationing my food money like it's the end times. And you need money to do things with women. And I don't just mean dates. Check this video out. Ohio University is, allegedly, the number one party school in the United States. First I ever heard of it. And at about 1:14 this group of girls can't seem to agree on how a guy should try and pick up a girl.


The girl in the jean jacket says to fill them up with vodka Red Bulls. There ya go, she said it, not me. And I would love to spend my hard earned slave wages on saucing up a girl if she'll let me. But I don't make "bottomless vodka Red Bull" money. I remember on South Padre I was wishing I the money and the crowds to find a woman and buy her drinks. And I think I've moved past that urge. But if Ohio University really is the top party school, I think what I'd like to do is go there, make some friends, see some girls around campus that we like, reveal that I am a virgin and am in need of getting laid, and conspire with my friends to meet those girls on Court Street for those Red Bull slut potions that apparently work so well. How do I solve this? Wait a minute. Didn't I say I wanted to go to school anyway? The solution is to quit my job and live off of grant/loan refunds. Like the kids at Ohio University. They seem to have time and money to go out, get drunk, and have sex.

But that brings me to my other problem. I'm worried that I might have herpes. Why? Because of the strange ear licking woman? No, because just about everyone's got it. But let's say I don't have it. I don't know how sex happens at parties, I really don't. But if I plan on having sex at a party with a girl whose sexual history I don't know, we're not gonna have time to whip out our Talent Testing STD reports. That's not how casual hookups work. But then, that IS how STDs work. If my question was "So if people aren't trading STD reports and auditing each other's sexual histories, how are people avoiding STDs," then the answer is "They're not avoiding STDs, that's how they spread. That's the inherent risk." If nothing else, herpes. Herpes Simplex 1. AKA "It's Just A Cold Sore Except A Cold Sore Is Herpes." Because everyone's got Herpes 1. Even children get Herpes 1.

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/cold-sores.html

Tragic. But I guess as a "problem" this is just a stigma I'll have to conquer on my own. But I dunno. That ear licking woman from South Padre put a spook in me. And maybe herpes. Y'know, if I have herpes, and I ever get to be with a woman? I can't see myself keeping my herpes a secret. My mother actually surprised me, after my herpes scare I went to tell her about it. And she was like "You're overreacting. You don't even have to tell people about HSV-1. It's not like it's HIV." And I'm like, geez, Mom. How irresponsible of you. I can't do it. If a girl shows any interest in me, I would have to be immediately upfront about how I have herpes. I would use it as an icebreaker. I'd be so much fun at parties...

"I wish I could drop bones in somebody some day, but ever since I got herpes..."
"Yes, I'm a kissless virgin."
"I don't really know how I got it. One cold winter I found the corner of my mouth breaking out in herpes!"
"Yeah, herpes."
"Oh! Cold sores are herpes. See, there's two variants: Herpes simplex virus 1, and herpes simplex virus 2. I have Simplex 1. And it's what most people call a 'cold sore.'"
"Yeah I know, everybody gets those."
"You do? Well... technically you have herpes."


Speaking of saying things like that, there's my next problem: My autism. I'm probably autistic. I once tried to get NEETbux for being autistic. It was at my parents' behest, and they didn't call it "autism." They were just pretty sure something was wrong with me. I was more boy than man. But when I went in, they didn't test me for autism, they tested to see if I could, like, recognize shapes and shit. It was a long time ago, I think standards may have changed. Anyway, I was denied. And I never looked back. And now here I am being treated like a child and/or madman at work. So much for me not being autistic.

But let them handle me with retard gloves at work. What I'm worried about is being able to socialize. How to talk to people like normal people do. However it is normal people talk. But you sometimes hear talk about how if you're an attractive man, you could be a mute retard and the woman will do all the work like she's have sex slave, half remedial learning instructor. She will initiate, you can stumble over your words, you can hang around her in awkward silence at a loss for anything to say, it doesn't matter. She'll lead the way. And I'm not saying that's impossible. All things square and equal, of course there've gotta be women out there who initiate. Who approach/harass men. But I am saying it's a convenient faith to believe in for incels and incel-alikes. The socially awkward who don't know how to approach women, or people in general, and maintain sustainable interactions with them. "The Legend Of The Woman Who Approached The Man." But where ever she is, if I was attractive enough to be headhunted like that, I wonder how I would handle myself. Being as autistic as I am. Like, in that South Padre Island GONE WILD! pt. 2 video I posted here, the guy at 0:17 says everyone at South Padre was being "hella friendly." And as he was leaving one of the clubs, a car pulls up to him and a girl calls out asking him if he'd like to get in the car with her. He does. And he gets a ride back to his hotel. And I'm assuming the aftermath of that is where the video starts. With all the making out and butt luging. Now, I've been offered rides in people's cars. Mostly when I'm on my way to work and one of the people who works in the same building as I do sees me headed toward the building and asks "Hey are you headed up to Building? Do you want a ride?" And when I accept the ride, I always feel this pressure. I'm always wondering "Should I be talking to this person? The silence is suffocating." And so I scramble in my head for something to say. "Uhhhh... man it's... colder than I assumed it would be, I shoulda brought my jacket..." And they "Hmmm. Yeah." And I'm like "Oh God, what now? What do I say now?" Should I even be scrambling to hold unbroken conversation with this stranger? The question is, what would a normal, non-autistic person do? Maybe a normal person WOULD make idle small talk, while not investing that much in the conversation. They are a stranger, it's not likely we'll meet again. I don't know. So what I've often pondered is, what if I could just ask normal people how they live their normal lives? How do normal people do all of the things I'd like to do? If I could somehow look in on a conversation that a normal person would have in a car with a stranger, getting picked up on the way to work. Or look in on that conversation that guy had in that video with the girls he and his friends longdicked. Watch what normal people do in nightclubs, from start to finish. See how normal people make friends in college. From start to finish. From freshman to shouting "Roll Tide!" at strangers as they fuck their latest hookup outside of an open car door on Homecoming Night. I need models to follow. And I'm always on the hunt for normal person examples to follow. I almost got one, once. A guy on Reddit offered to record a day in his life for me. But his family and friends objected to being monitored. So that was a bust. I was ready to pay him and everything. And then there's the vlog channels I've started to get into, maybe those can be of some help. But what would be absolutely perfect would be to watch the full process, beginning to end. So I know how to talk, what to do, everything. If I am autistic, I can learn how to not act autistic. I just need the lessons. I need to shadow a non-autistic person.

My mother suggests hiring a life coach. But for the life of me I can't think of any life coaches that offer coaching in what I want. Normal life coaches wanna help me live a restrained and sustainable life that the average 40-something would live. I don't want that. I wanna drop bones. I wanna live like my father lived. So do I hire a pick up artist? No, that's snake oil. Smoke and mirrors that's heavy on the effort and low on results. What I need is to watch someone who actually produces results. See how they got to where they are. I wanted to ask @Deltoid how he ended up at that party with two prospective fuck opportunities but nooooo, he didn't share his secrets. If you happen to have any experience you wanna share with me, I'm open to learning from you. I tried asking my father. He didn't help.

And then there's the Final Four. I am bald, I am old, I am short of stature, and I am short of dick. @jefferson says there's probably not much I can do. And I'm inclined to agree. And I'm also inclined to think that without these four issues solved, there's no way I'm gonna blend in with college kids or be headhunted for hotel sex. But there's no harm in pondering my options, right? Have you heard about this "Cool Smoke" guy? He's in the same boat I am, kinda. A 40-something year old man with dreams of plugging a college girl.

https://incels.co/threads/former-incel-becomes-chad-at-age-47.115928/

Probably a joke, I know. But if this guy succeeded, he's apparently beaten oldness and baldness. But what about shortness and dickletness? Well, @jefferson suggests penis enlargement exercises. And hey, while I'm down there, right? But how permanent are the results? And is there a way to aim for girth instead of length? Because girth will get me the most bang for my buck. I hear women care mostly about girth. However, girth has gotta be harder to add than length, right? A quarter inch of length, that's just a quarter inch cross slice of your dick. But a quarter inch of girth? That's the entire volume of your dick expanded. But if there's a way to specifically focus on girth, I'd like to know. I'll take length as a byproduct, but if I can sacrifice length exercises for a girth-focused regimen, I'll do it.

My baldness? If I can't just pull it off, there's that RU58841 hair treatment if I'm serious about doing something about this. Being old? Now this one I'm intrigued by. Because I'll look at an older gentleman's face, and I'll be like "Now he definitely doesn't look like a teenager." But why? What am I noticing in his face that makes him look old? Is it wrinkles? I don't think so. Because I've seen men's faces that I... don't remember being very wrinkly, but they just looked old. What I need to do is first figure out what aesthetics contribute to a man looking old. And then fight those. If it's wrinkles, I'll look into what people do to fight wrinkles. If it's cellulite, I'll look into what people do to fight cellulite. I hear it's lifting weights. But then, there are old man bodybuilders with young looking bodies and old looking faces. I don't need to find examples, just go to your image search engine of choice and look up "old man bodybuilder" and voila. Maybe I should talk to a face morpher. And ask them how they would make an old man look like a 20-something. They would know what features make someone look old, and what to morph them into. And from there I would see how much of that I can achieve in real life. And finally, there's my height... I could get my legs lengthened? Or... I could stay short and dwarfmax like I thought of in "Character Creation" and "Mellow Ranger." Or if I can look young enough, maybe I could Chicomax? How likely is that? I think about older men like Jared Leto and Chuando Tan. And I feel like it's possible. But then, maybe that's possible for them because of genetics. They probably always looked young. And if I look old now, my genetics have sealed my fate. Or even if it was bed rest and diet, maybe the damage is done? Maybe I've incurred too much sleep debt to sleep off the old age? It can't hurt to try though, right? Try and be like Jared Leto and Chuando Tan? It can only hurt my heart. And if it doesn't work, I can be a gruff, stubbly man. Provided I can fix my girlish body.

I'm not a looksmaxxer by trade, everything I learned, Looksmax.me taught me. So maybe you guys have some insight into what I should do about these things?
 

Alexanderr

Instructor
Joined
Mar 5, 2019
Messages
592
Didn’t read a single fucking word.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
Time to inject T bro you're starting to write novels
I thought that was a sign of autism, not low testosterone?



"Greensboro Thot" or "Girlfriend Experience"

TL;DR:
On the way to Shazam! the other day I met a strange woman on the bus, about my age. A little older than me. She seemed to like me. And I notice that I tend to attract attention specifically from women like that. They aren't really the kinds of women I like. But they are close to the kinds of women I like. The kinds of women I like are women like Rhonetta Johnson from American Idol. Maybe I can attract women like that if I'm attracting similar women. I wonder if Looksmax can tell me what it is these women are seeing in me that convinces them to approach me.

Friday was a rainy day, but not a cold day. So I went out with an umbrella but not a jacket because I didn't wanna sweat. I had a lot of walking to do that day. After work I was gonna see that Shazam! movie. Now I say again, it wasn't cold. But I was getting fed up with the rain and the umbrella wasn't much help. So I caught a bus because it was close by. And as I'm getting on the bus I'm fumbling with my umbrella. I leave my umbrella open, and I put it off to the side past the white line because I don't wanna waste the driver's time trying to close it. And as I'm putting the fare in, this woman comes up and picks up my umbrella, closes it for me, and hands it to me. She smiles and says "It's bad luck... 😊" "Oh yeah!" I chuckle back. I accept the umbrella and thank her for closing it for me. She asks me where my coat is. I'm like "Pfft. It's wet, but it's not cold. I can handle wet." And she's like "It IS cold! It's still half winter!" And so I say "But it's April! It's spring, isn't it?" And she says yeah, but there's phases to spring. It's still "early spring." AKA "half winter." The time will come soon, but today it's still too early for me to not wear a jacket. But I say "Nah. It's 40-something degrees, the way I run a jacket would cook me." She adds to her earlier point about it being too cold to not have a jacket, saying that tonight it's gonna snow. Which I hadn't heard. She says we're due for 12 inches of snow. I don't buy that for a second. I tell her I'll believe that when I see it. She admits she was just kidding, and she says I made an incredulous face when she said it was gonna snow 12 inches tonight. In April.

A characteristic of my social retardation. I didn't even know I was making a face, but that's something she and other people can just read. Like when you're in the bad part of the city and you see a group of big guys and you don't wanna look like a target, but somehow they just know you're afraid of them by the way you walk or something? That's gotta be some kind of autism. I'm not on the same level of reading facial cues as other people. Not even my own facial cues.

Anyway, she calls out to the driver. "You should've seen his face!" She asks me to do the face again. But I don't know how to do it. I say "I can't! It was a... visceral reflex, when you said it was gonna snow 12 INCHES???" I'm laughing with her at her hilarious snow joke. We're palling around. But she insists that I really should've worn a jacket today. It's not gonna snow 12 inches, but there's gonna be some freezing rain. I'm not entirely sure of that either, but I take her word for it. It's a lot more reasonable than snow. Then she accuses me of leaving my jacket at home because I wanted to look sexy. I take the compliment with an "Oh, g'arn" roll of the eyes. As my stop comes into view, she assumes I'm 17. I tell her I'm a lot older than that. She then assumes 19. From this I assume she's being polite. Because I don't look anything-teen. She's trying to flatter me. I tell her I'm 46. She's all like "I wanna see some ID!" She bugs the bus driver for a second opinion. She wants to ask the bus driver if she thinks I look 46. I show the strange woman my ID. Then she asks me how old I think she is. Now, she was being polite to me, so I figured what's good for me is good for her. So I lowball her age too. She was an older woman, wearing thick sweatclothes heavily spotted with rain. I say she looks 28. Which I think is far because I've seen 28 year old women who look like her. I don't think that was an entirely bullshit answer. It was just enough bullshit to be polite. Anyway, she says she's actually 53. See how much more sense my answer makes? She said I was a teenager, I shot for at least halfway to her age.

I don't know how likely that was to turn into sex, but I'm starting to notice a pattern. The women that approach me tend to be older. But not just older, they tend to look like they might be homeless and/or on drugs. There was the ear licker in South Padre. There was this woman on the bus. And once upon a time there was this story about a woman who asked me if I could buy her some food.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAlone/comments/8ena3j/_/dxwjwz7
One's an incident, Two's a coincidence, Three's a pattern. And this has happened more than three times. I don't wanna brag, but I think I might have some appeal when it comes to "crackhead looking" women. That's not what I want, but how desperate can I get before I reach my breaking point? What are my actual options? Even if I'm not "desperate," what if every other venue refuses me? Maybe I should head down to the shelter and see what good I can do? Am I volcel if I wouldn't? Or who knows, maybe they were all just being nice and it's my toxic masculinity that takes their kindness as something sexual. But if so, if you wanna make sex, don't send me a bunch of vague clues and then get mad at me for not knowing when you're being nice and when you're dropping hints. If you can't be upfront and not play coy games, you lose the right to get mad at me for guessing wrong. Mistakes are made when you play games. Now, when I say "crackhead looking women" I don't mean trashy looking women. Trashy is fine. Trashy is ideal! Lemme show you an example of the kind of woman I'd like to be with. An example of what I'm talking about when I say "trashy..."

Do you ever have kind of a foggy memory of something, and you try your best to remember it clearly but you can't, so you give up? Only to have it bug you again a few months down the line? That was me, recently. Long ago I was watching American Idol, and there was this one outrageous contestant who was dancing around, spreading her legs and showing off her pussy even though there were kids and old people around. Like a hooker turning tricks outside of a kid's birthday party. She had this air about her. Handsy, affectionate, like she would fuck any man who made eye contact with her. The ideal image of a thot. She captivated me. And that would be the last I would see her for a while. Fast forward years into the future, I find myself thinking about her. Who was that creature, dripping with depraved sexuality? There are plenty of bad Idol contestants who are famous, so I thought she would be famous enough amongst names like William Hung. But I couldn't find anything about her on YouTube. Probably because I didn't know her name. But I thought she would've been considered outrageous enough that fame would've made sure I knew her name. I figured if I was ever gonna see her again, I would have to order the complete American Idol series on DVD or something and just watch every episode. I ended up putting it on my "To-Maybe-Do-Later List" and that was mostly it, save for her now and then getting on my mind. Until recently. I realized there was someone on YouTube who had most of the American Idol episodes available to watch for free. Not all of them, just most of them. And I was worried because I didn't wanna watch a bunch of episodes only to not see her because the episode she was in was copyright struck. But fortunately, that didn't happen. I found her in the Season 5 Auditions, Greensboro Episode.


Her name is Rhonetta Johnson. She was 24 when that was filmed (October 6, 2005). And turns out I wasn't wrong about her looking like a prostitute. She was and might even still be a prostitute. Since 2003, two years prior to her Idol appearance, she's been in and out of jail for men being in and out of her. If you look, you can see video of some of the johns that pick her up. For some reason she likes filming them. Also? That hair is probably a wig. It was disheartening to learn this. That she wears a wig. But I think I'll always be in love with the Rhonetta Johnson of my imagination. I don't attract women like the Rhonetta of my imagination. If ever such a woman wanted my company, not just for the money, but for my dick, I would go to her in a heartbeat. But maybe I would've attracted Rhonetta if I ever met her. What is it about me that's attracting the women I attract now? Before I looksmax, maybe I should try and figure out my good qualities instead of my bad qualities. To figure out what's attracting the women I attract. Because maybe if I improve those qualities, as opposed to looksmaxing in a way that makes me look good but not trash-friendly, I'll find the trailer trash sluts I crave. But who would I ask about that? I'm aware my tastes in women and, well, everything, aren't really up the Looksmax/Incels alley. So maybe there's no help for me here. Everyone here wants a tradwife. Pretty but tame. I want a girl who will pass me around her friends one night on a whim. Everyone here talks about how curries are lower than shit. But I'd eat Mindy Kaling's bhelpuri if she would let me. Is Looksmax.me the wrong place to be if I wanna somehow get with a Rhonetta?

You might say "Just go see a prostitute. If you want women like Rhonetta, she's literally a prostitute." But I've said before, I don't want her to like my money. I want her to like my body. Or whatever it is women have sex with men for without pay. But how likely is that? I don't know if times are changing or what, but I appear to be beyond the typical NPC advice. The meme advice. I feel like if a normal person complained that they were still a virgin, Reddit would tell them that they're worried about nothing and that they should pick up hobbies and meet people in those hobbies. They don't tell me that. I tell people how old I am and they say "Okay. Go see a prostitute. Either go see a prostitute or never lose your virginity." Which is kinda shocking to me when I think about it, you don't just tell people to do that. It's illegal. Just ask Rhonetta Johnson. But even my own mother has suggested this. What kinda advice is that for a mother to give her son? Especially my mother. Who considers herself particularly woke. I thought she would understand how demeaning it is to women to be prostituted. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe it's liberating and empowering. That I get to pay to use a woman like an object. That her consent is not her own, but up for contract. What the hell do I know? Point is, I have several reasons why I won't do this. And ordinarily I'd follow that up with "But how long until I get desperate and cave on my convictions?" But if I'm attracting bus stop women without offering them money at first, there must be something about me that attracts trashy women. Who I like. If I can just enhance that part of me, if I get nothing else, the prostitutes will at least like who I am. Even if they still demand money, there'll be that initial attraction. And what I want is the attraction.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Serenity Prayer" or "(Don't Fear) The Reaper"

TL;DR:
I've put together a to-do list about the things I can change about myself, but there's still a lot I can't change. My nephew is over, I wanna be like him testosterone-wise so I'm gonna see if we can get his panel. But it's looking like, thanks to new fears surrounding RU58841, I still don't have a viable option to cure my baldness. Just like I don't have a viable option to cure my shortness. So I consider, what if I just lean into it? What if I just accept being bald and short, does it mean I can't look like a college student? I look at examples like Matt Damon, Meth Damon, and Karl Pilkington.


My nephew is over again. He's got the week off. Last time I saw him was in January. He's been bigger than me for a while, but in the past three-ish months he's gotten noticeably bigger. He's approaching 19 so he appears to still be growing. Now, if he were a minor it would be irresponsible for me to do this. But because he's 18 going on 19, I wanna ask him to have his testosterone levels checked.


Strike while he's still in his prime. Is he still in his prime? Anyway I've been leaving messages for endocrinologists since Sunday. Somewhat worryingly, none of them have called me back yet? Maybe I should try calling again. @NickGurr says to ask for the "full panel." I'm gonna get his full panel, then get my full panel, and see what I gotta do to get my panel to look like his. It's all part of my to-do list to tackle "The Comprehensive List Of Things Wrong With Me." The list so far...

  1. Look into the effects of RU58841/where to get some.
  2. See an ear doctor about how deaf I am.
  3. See an eye doctor about how blind I am. Bring up intraocular lenses.
  4. See a bones doctor for an x-ray. See about the alignment of my shoulders, back, and pelvis. Also bring up my shin.
  5. Get a quote for getting my cavities filled/crowned.
  6. Learn my nephew's testosterone panel, then my testosterone panel, then try to bridge the difference if my endocrinologist will let me.
  7. Find a picture of an old person and ask a morpher to make them look young. Then ask them what things they targeted to make them look young. The picture should be free of any obvious things that make a person look old, like grey hair or baldness.
  8. Do girth exercises for my penis.
  9. Find the ideal school to go to.
  10. Find normal people to watch, so I learn what normal people do and how they talk and act.
But recent testimonial about RU58841 has got me thinking twice about it.


Some people protest. "I use it, and I don't experience any of these symptoms. They must be using it wrong." But the thing about RU58841 is, because it's an unregulated mystery potion, there are no official instructions or warnings to keep me from accidentally using it wrong. So best case scenario, it IS harmless, provided you know how to use it. And that's the BEST case scenario. That you should know all of the ins and outs of this still experimental treatment. So right now, RU58841 feels about as much an option as any other treatment. Not an option. Because I don't want the side effects. So without RU58841, will I have to just cope with being bald? If so, how much younger can I look, being bald? I mean, there are bald teenagers. I just wanna look like a bald college student.



Searching "bald teen" on Alarmy produces this guy. Maybe not the ideal specimen, but how might he be rated if he put on some mass?

Here's a candid of a bald Matt Damon. Taken during the principal photgraphy for Elysium. Circa July 2011. He was 40, going on 41.


He looks like he could fit in on a college campus, right? But then, he's got a nice face. Doesn't he? Could Jesse Plemons pull off bald in a way that made him look like he might fit in on a college campus? But wait, Plemons is only 31. He probably could fit in on a college campus just because he's in his early 30s. So that analogy won't work for another 10 years. Either way, it looks like being bald is just one of those things I'm gonna have to make the best of. Like being short. In fact, maybe I need to be short if I wanna look young. I've said this before, and so has this guy.


Half of that video is pitch for his overpriced clothes. Lemme be honest, as a short person it's a little disconcerting. But if it's not all wishful thinking, what's the best I can hope for, staying short and bald, but young looking? Maybe the cartoon version of Karl Pilkington.


How much damage do you think a guy like this could do in a school environment? This guy, but more muscular?
 

NickGurr

200 ng/dl HIGH T BEAST
Joined
Mar 29, 2019
Messages
2,352
"Serenity Prayer" or "(Don't Fear) The Reaper"

TL;DR:
I've put together a to-do list about the things I can change about myself, but there's still a lot I can't change. My nephew is over, I wanna be like him testosterone-wise so I'm gonna see if we can get his panel. But it's looking like, thanks to new fears surrounding RU58841, I still don't have a viable option to cure my baldness. Just like I don't have a viable option to cure my shortness. So I consider, what if I just lean into it? What if I just accept being bald and short, does it mean I can't look like a college student? I look at examples like Matt Damon, Meth Damon, and Karl Pilkington.


My nephew is over again. He's got the week off. Last time I saw him was in January. He's been bigger than me for a while, but in the past three-ish months he's gotten noticeably bigger. He's approaching 19 so he appears to still be growing. Now, if he were a minor it would be irresponsible for me to do this. But because he's 18 going on 19, I wanna ask him to have his testosterone levels checked.


Strike while he's still in his prime. Is he still in his prime? Anyway I've been leaving messages for endocrinologists since Sunday. Somewhat worryingly, none of them have called me back yet? Maybe I should try calling again. @NickGurr says to ask for the "full panel." I'm gonna get his full panel, then get my full panel, and see what I gotta do to get my panel to look like his. It's all part of my to-do list to tackle "The Comprehensive List Of Things Wrong With Me." The list so far...

  1. Look into the effects of RU58841/where to get some.
  2. See an ear doctor about how deaf I am.
  3. See an eye doctor about how blind I am. Bring up intraocular lenses.
  4. See a bones doctor for an x-ray. See about the alignment of my shoulders, back, and pelvis. Also bring up my shin.
  5. Get a quote for getting my cavities filled/crowned.
  6. Learn my nephew's testosterone panel, then my testosterone panel, then try to bridge the difference if my endocrinologist will let me.
  7. Find a picture of an old person and ask a morpher to make them look young. Then ask them what things they targeted to make them look young. The picture should be free of any obvious things that make a person look old, like grey hair or baldness.
  8. Do girth exercises for my penis.
  9. Find the ideal school to go to.
  10. Find normal people to watch, so I learn what normal people do and how they talk and act.
But recent testimonial about RU58841 has got me thinking twice about it.


Some people protest. "I use it, and I don't experience any of these symptoms. They must be using it wrong." But the thing about RU58841 is, because it's an unregulated mystery potion, there are no official instructions or warnings to keep me from accidentally using it wrong. So best case scenario, it IS harmless, provided you know how to use it. And that's the BEST case scenario. That you should know all of the ins and outs of this still experimental treatment. So right now, RU58841 feels about as much an option as any other treatment. Not an option. Because I don't want the side effects. So without RU58841, will I have to just cope with being bald? If so, how much younger can I look, being bald? I mean, there are bald teenagers. I just wanna look like a bald college student.



Searching "bald teen" on Alarmy produces this guy. Maybe not the ideal specimen, but how might he be rated if he put on some mass?

Here's a candid of a bald Matt Damon. Taken during the principal photgraphy for Elysium. Circa July 2011. He was 40, going on 41.


He looks like he could fit in on a college campus, right? But then, he's got a nice face. Doesn't he? Could Jesse Plemons pull off bald in a way that made him look like he might fit in on a college campus? But wait, Plemons is only 31. He probably could fit in on a college campus just because he's in his early 30s. So that analogy won't work for another 10 years. Either way, it looks like being bald is just one of those things I'm gonna have to make the best of. Like being short. In fact, maybe I need to be short if I wanna look young. I've said this before, and so has this guy.


Half of that video is pitch for his overpriced clothes. Lemme be honest, as a short person it's a little disconcerting. But if it's not all wishful thinking, what's the best I can hope for, staying short and bald, but young looking? Maybe the cartoon version of Karl Pilkington.


How much damage do you think a guy like this could do in a school environment? This guy, but more muscular?
full hormonal panel, not any panel bro
 

mido the slayer

classic Romantic man that got lost in the darkness
Joined
Nov 16, 2018
Messages
2,110
Didn’t read 😂
 
Joined
Nov 20, 2018
Messages
7,292
Ah, see, I didn't know that. I need to know what to ask for, in the exact language to ask for it. I've never done this before.
Full panel bro.
You need to know E2, DHT, FSH, LH levels and others.
Make sure to go fasted to get accurate glucose levels as well.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
full analysis is a fuckimg hemogram or whatever its called. a routine blood analysis
So you're saying "full panel" or "full analysis" wouldn't give me a full hormonal panel? Is it not included?
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"The Amazing Rate" or "The Bachelors"

TL;DR:
A recent match on Tinder taught me two things that probably should be obvious: First, just because you set your age bracket to 18-21 doesn't mean you're seeing every 18-21 year old. If you're 46, you're only seeing the 18-21 year olds that have set their age bracket to include 46 year olds. Second, talking about your being a virgin will probably get you unmatched. But that's got me thinking. I'm swiping through the eyes of a 46 year old, what might I get to see if I was swiping as a 21 year old? I'm seeing women who, if nothing else, haven't curated their Tinder results yet. What if I wanna see women who've decided they don't wanna see old men? And how much of a turnoff is mentioning that you're a virgin? What if you announced it on your bio? What if you weren't very attractive, but you made up for it by having a lot of money? Or having a big dick? Or what if you WERE attractive, but were manlet sized? What if you were attractive, but said things that people get labeled "incel" for? I ponder fishing concepts like these in the latest episode.

I got a new hit on Tinder today, and she was pretty young. So I asked her what I always ask young people who like me: "What could've possibly possessed you to shoot your shot at a 40+ year old man?" And she said what a lot of them usually say: "Oh, I like older men. Oh, younger men are silly and immature, yadda yadda." But she explained another thing to me that, now that I think of it, should've been obvious. She said she doesn't like men her age, so she set her age bracket to 30-47. And something clicked in my head: Setting her age bracket doesn't just mean that 30-47 year old men will appear for her, it means if you're NOT 30-47 years old, you WON'T appear for her. Her setting her age bracket to that doesn't just mean I'll appear for her, it means she'll appear for me, and if I wasn't in that age bracket, I would never see her. So now that's got me thinking, I must be missing out on people who've set their age brackets to parameters I'm outside of. This is probably why my Tinder experience is so much different from everyone else's. I'm getting all sorts of sugar babies and Not Like Other Girls. But if I were, I dunno, 21? Who might I get?

She unmatched me shortly after I told her I was a virgin. Is that an inappropriate discussion topic on Tinder? Am I the one in the wrong? She asks me "What's a man like you?" She's originally from Uruguay. And I say "A man like me? Well, would you believe that I'm a virgin?" And about 30 minutes or so later she's gone from my matches. I wanna believe that I was just too forward. Because then I can ask "Okay, so when can we talk about our sex lives on this app that is for having sex with people?"
But my experience with just about the surest shot I ever had suggests to me that being a virgin is actually a turn-off for a lot of ladies. But then I thought "Wait a minute, what if I put that I'm a virgin in my bio?" And then I thought "Hold on, I kinda already did. But let's say the women swiping on me actually read my bio. And I made a clear point that I was a virgin. That might be an experiment, huh? Because if I still get matches, that suggests they were turned off by the surprise. It's too forward to talk about sex on Tinder, if you can believe it. But if they go in with the topic of my virginity brought up in my bio, it's not a surprise." But if I stop getting matches, that means the virginity itself is driving women away. I just... really wanna see what happens if a man makes a point of his virginity on Tinder. I've been wanting to fish with some new bait for a while now, actually. And ideas have been swimming around in my head. For instance, I recently posted this bald guy to Ratings.


The central question here being "Is it really over if you're bald? Are there contexts where you can succeed, maybe even do BETTER, if you're bald? What if Seth Everman had hair? Upgrade? Downgrade? Lateral move?"


And having Looksmax rate baldness like that is okay, but isn't it better to try it out in practice? Let people on Tinder vote with their swipes! If I could get bait of a bald guy. Not Seth Everman, everyone knows Seth Everman. But a poor man's Seth Everman. How might he fare? And then I thought, how might Meth Everman fare against my virginfish? If their accounts were launched at the same time, in the same location, and with the same age bracket? And are there other characters I could add to this rating race? What reactions am I interested in seeing? And so I started coming up with character concepts that I'd like to see results for...

  1. 40+ year old gymcel. Admits to being a virgin on his profile.
  2. Normie to sub-normie black guy. Maybe manlet. But it's inferred that he has a big dick. Maybe virgin?
  3. Unattractive man. Probably fat. Maybe even old. Nowhere near any gyms. But he appears to be very rich. Pictures of him in limousines and at notoriously expensive restaurants.
  4. Manlet, hits the gym, potentially nice face. HOWEVER, in his bio he rants angrily about the double standards of Tinder. Women can demand tall men and that's fine. Men say no fat chicks, or no skinny chicks, or no tall chicks, or any judgement of appearance, and he's a misogynist.
List subject to change, I'm still brainstorming ideas. If you have any experiments you wanna see, let me know here.


Or here, if you're on Incels.co.


Probably gonna have to find a way to shoehorn a bald guy in there. And probably need a standard Chad too, as a control to weigh everyone else against. But how hard would this be to set up? Biggest challenge is getting a burner phone for each character, right? And maybe Tinder Gold to act on Likes as soon as they happen. It's funding that this experiment needs. Everything after that is gravy. We pick a location, and then at 9PM local time (peak Tinder hours) it's off to the races.

But then... does Looksmax.me know what locations to pick? Or Incels.co? If either of them did, I wouldn't be wasting my time trying to narrow down the perfect school. Maybe I should save this for after I've picked my school. Unless you've got ideas for a location? Or several locations, we'll have multiple races, how about that? Make it a grand tour. Boosting around the world. And like the colonists of yore, we can watch in thrill at the spectacle of strange men achieving feats we could never dream. Oh, this could be the cope to end all copes. Just need enough burner phones.

The opinions of actual women you're trying to impress? This is the best rating. I've said it before, The opinions of a bunch of, I assume, straight men, throwing around theories, this absolutely comes second to actual factual women. If a woman says you're hot, and some dickhead on Lookism says you're not, and your goal is to attract women? You know who to listen to.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Don't Ever Go Against The Family" or "One Thousand Big Boys"

TL;DR:
Things going on with my family include my mother wanting to start a podcast, my nephew getting kicked out of his parents' house for not joining the fight against Trump, and how my whole family might be autistic. And yet, none of us are getting any autism money. I also came up with an idea: If I'm an autist, maybe I should ask people on Tinder if I can sit in on their dates and learn how a normal date goes.


So, my mother and one of my sisters have been talking about starting a podcast. And they want me to be part of it. It's like this: I'm at my parents' house right now, my sister is here too. And my mom gets started talking to me about something. She says "Amy Schumer's husband has autism." I don't know what her point was about that, because she never gets around to finishing it because I respond with "I'm pretty sure he does have autism." And she's all like "Why?" And I say "Because he's married to Amy Schumer." And my mom apparently thought that was so hilarious that she changed subjects. She's all like "That's so funny! You need to say stuff like that on our podcast! Your sister and I have been talking about doing a podcast!" And I'm like "Mom, that's not exactly a clever take. Everybody knows Amy Schumer is garbage, you can get a take like that anywhere." And she's like "That was also funny, what you just said. And I didn't know that everyone hated Amy Schumer. That's why we need you on the podcast. That's insight you could share with our audience that maybe doesn't know how much Amy Schumer is hated." Now, maybe I'm living in an echo chamber, but I think it's my mom that's living in an echo chamber. That she doesn't know that Amy Schumer is kinda famous for being hated. It's cool and fashionable to hate Amy Schumer, even if you've never heard any of her easy, derivative material. There's no audience out there that's gonna be surprised with "Amy Schumer Is Bad." But I'm more curious about what kinds of topics she and my sister think we're gonna cover on this podcast. What people are gonna tune in to listen to. And she says "The idea came from how your sister and I will watch TV, and we'll see commercials, and we'll riff on the commercials, and we're funny when we riff on the commercials, but we can also segue that into talking about other funny topics, and every now and then we're so funny and our pace and dynamic is so good, we think 'That should be on a podcast!'" And I still don't understand what exactly this podcast would be "about." My mom appears to think that we're all more interesting than we actually are. And my mom is also woefully unaware of how bad Amy Schumer is. I wanna chalk that up to just being a doting mother, but I think my mom might be autistic too. In the way that I'm autistic. The "Unaware/unconcerned that you're making a fool of yourself" autistic. In fact, pretty sure my sister is too. And the bulk of my immediate family. My mom talks about how much of a wild oats sowing "slayer" my father was, but to know him today, he avoids crowds and social interaction with such obvious and painful awkwardness, even I know it's wrong. How could he have? And then there's his paranoia about letting people see our house unless it was immaculate? So I guess this is what I've inherited from my family. We're all a bunch of social retards. Maybe it's nature. Maybe it's nurture. But the more I think about it, the less normal we seem.

And from that, an even more autistic idea came to me. I wanna know how normal people act, right? Ideally if I could just watch some normal people, I think I could learn a lot. And I've really been wanting to drop this Anselm thing and try some new Tinder experiments. But you can't start fresh on Tinder unless you really, really scrub. But if I could, how about this for a Tinder thing? What if I put myself out there, not looking for hookups, but to be a third wheel on OTHER people's interactions? For as much as they would let me see? For instance, if I was to meet someone for coffee, I don't know what I'd do. It terrifies me that I or she might break out our phones and start doing phone stuff. You don't do that on a date! But what ARE you supposed to do? Every moment of silence wears on the tenuous threads that hold the coffee date together! But if I could instead watch other people's coffee dates, I could learn how to have a good coffee date when the time came. And not just coffee dates. Whatever people meet up for. The main problem with that, though, what if my presence throws them off? I can't imagine it wouldn't. I'm not even saying they'd be disturbed by my presence, it's just it probably wouldn't be the same interactions if they knew I was there watching and taking notes. How much am I throwing it off though? There was one guy who was willing to record a day in his life for me. I'm sure the awareness of me listening by proxy probably affected the "naturalness" of that day, but probably not by much because he thought it was a good idea. He thought I would've gotten a good summary of what a normal day is like for a normal person. I'm sure I'll throw things off somehow. But hopefully, not by much.

The goal is to, someday, learn to be as comfortable talking to people as I am with my own family. I'll look at strangers on the street and imagine to myself "What if I was friends with that person?" I can't even conceive of it. What would we talk about? I don't want one of those forced friendships where we have to work to maintain it. And maybe learning how normal people form relationships will teach me how to do it naturally. Or who knows, maybe it only works if you're not retarded. Or maybe you have to be united by a moment of incredible intimacy?

Speaking of my family, I learned something kinda infuriating about my nephew. I know why he hangs out at my place instead of his parents. They actually kicked him out. It wasn't a "Pack your bags and go" kicking out, it was more that when he left for college, he was essentially not welcome to come back home. Why? Because he wouldn't contribute to the "Blue Wave" in the 2018 midterms. My sister, not the podcast sister but the sister that is the mother of my nephew, considers the Trump administration so dangerous that it is cruelty to not try and fight it. Apparently more cruel than kicking out the baby you birthed because his political views are different than yours. A shit thing for a mother to do to their child, but especially shit and hypocritical for my sister. Because my sister is gay. All the way gay. Well, a bit bi. She had at least one boyfriend when she was a teenager. But when she was an adult she turned. Probably had more girlfriends than boyfriends. Come to think of it, my sister has always been real good at cutting people out of her life without qualm. But today she's gay married and everything. My nephew is the mixed-race result of their sperm donor conception. My sister and her wife were gay back when other young gays were getting kicked out by their parents for being gay. So you'd think they both, or at least my sister who carried him and birthed him, would be like "No, we're no better for kicking him out for his views than those people who kick out their gay kids" but no. My sister believes this is beyond politics. And that Orange Man is Bad. A matter of fact pure and simple evil. To allow my nephew to not hate Trump, in my sister's eyes, is as destructive as letting him do drugs. If she can't make him stop doing drugs, if he won't listen to her help, she can't allow it in her house. And so it is for voting red. And... I dunno man, I wanna believe he just needs a place to come to on break, that he's tough, and he's not hurting from this. But if he's seeking me out because he needs support? That really hits me. I gotta be there for this kid. And I'm gonna, if he needs me. :feelswah: In a way, I'm not surprised at the way he turned out. It's in our nature to rebel against the folks when they get "in your face" about stuff. Hard-ass baby boomers begat soft-ass hippies. Soft-ass hippies begat Young Republicans. And the hardline progressive stance in that household, dragging him to their wedding, the natural curiosity of humans must've begged him to ask "What if there's another way?" Here's hoping he didn't catch any of our family autism. He's gonna be interning at Google, which is good for him, but I wonder if it was a product of him being a "Boo people, yay computers" kind of person. Maybe someday he'll be a voice. For people like him who've faced this kind of adversity.

Speaking of autism though, it's Autism Week, I'm finding out? I've been seeing signs in shops and stuff. Is this a week to celebrate me? Probably not. When they say "autism" they mean "can't be in a dark theatre or they have a breakdown" autism. "Living in constant care" autism. And yet, there are people on Incels.co, and probably even Looksmax.me, who get gubbamint NEETbux despite being more or less capable of taking care of themselves. I tried to qualify for disability benefits, but they denied me. Basically said I was "lying" about being incapable of taking care of myself. Which I never outright said, I just said I was disabled. But how come everyone else gets money and I don't? I'm asking here.


Maybe I should campaign for Yang. The difference between when I went in for disability and today is probably because the idea of free money for nothing is growing in popularity. Universal basic income. Because the robots are coming. But $1000 freedom dollars a month wouldn't feed a dog. Or would it? Maybe I could move into rent-controlled housing. Having no job would solve my "No free time to lift or socialize" problem. I wonder which candidate my leftist sister is backing. Bent as she is, she probably doesn't care. As long as it's not Orange Man.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Passing Over Jerusalem" or "The Last Days in the Life of a Bloomer"

TL;DR:
It's Palm Sunday and I'm pondering Jesus's Passion, which was essentially a game plan to "ascend." Step 1 was going to Jerusalem. Location is important when it comes to ascension. I'm still trying to figure out where the best college to go to is, and a realization I've come to is this: Colleges are known for their pretty students or slutty students because these colleges are situated in areas where pretty sluts live. So it's not just the ideal school I need to find, but the ideal location in America where this kind of culture is pervasive not just in the schools. I could try where ever that nude beach is in Uncle Chester U.S. Nude Beaches 20. Or I could go to one of the places featured on Art Mann Presents. Or I could stay here. I'm noticing things like pretty women working in the building I work with, and skittish women who put their trust in me not to snitch on them when they pee in public. Instead of trying to go back to school, I could quit my job and go work at the Sedgwick Claims in my building. Where the pretty women work. Work would then be a viable social environment. My co-workers like classmates.

It's Palm Sunday! 🌴 Which basically means we're eyeballs deep in this spring holiday thing. It's pretty much wall-to-wall Judeo-Christian fun for the rest of the month. The Palm in "Palm Sunday" means "tree palms." You celebrate Palm Sunday with tree palms. Whatever you can get your hands on. But what a waste of the newly blossomed tree flowers, isn't it? Still though, Jesus. Don't forget, he was a mooch who justified people stealing on his behalf and tending to his needs first because he is the Lord made flesh, and while there will always be normie chattel, there is only one Jesus Christ. So snap that tree branch off, as tribute to his Passion. The tree has plenty of other branches. I think people forget sometimes, Jesus was part entitled hippie, and part entitled "Do You Know Who My Dad Is" kid.

"The Passion" as Mel Gibson would have us all know, was Jesus's plan of action to, essentially, "Messiahmax." There were certain steps he had to take to, literally, ascend. He had it all in his head. First, he had to go to Jerusalem. He could not "ascend" where he was. He had to go to Jerusalem. The have the best asses in Jerusalem. And he would be like a king in Jerusalem. Locationcels can probably relate. Location is the key to ascension. Because maybe you're too ugly for the women in your area. Or maybe the women in your area are too ugly for you. For @Zesto it was both. Me, I'm looking for a social community with the kind of people I wanna be exposed to long term. For years at a time. And I'm slowly starting to learn where all the fun is. For instance, a lot of my dreams of getting out of here are based on GIFs of amazing things I saw. There's this one GIF that's kinda made the rounds through the Internet, maybe you've seen it. There's this nude beach, and this beautiful woman is approached by this black guy. I won't post it because there's dick in it. But you probably know the GIF. And I remember seeing that GIF and thinking "Hold on, all of the nude beaches I know of are filled with old people. What beaches have beautiful women on them? What is this from?" And like with Rhonetta I kinda assumed I would never learn the answer. But also like with Rhonetta, I eventually did. It's actually from a DVD of nude beach voyeur filming. Uncle Chester U.S. Nude Beaches 20. Part of a collection of shots of nude beaches here in the United States. Volume 20 is what features the woman I was obsessed with. So as soon as I find that, I'll watch it, and like I do with all my porn, I'll scour the landmarks and signs to figure out where it is. Now, I'm not interested in this place specifically for the beach, I'm interested in it because I came to a realization: Colleges have the students and reputations they have because of the people who are already in the area.

Take Arizona State University, for instance. Notorious for pretty girls, right? But where did this reputation come from? Why exactly does Arizona State have so many pretty students anyway? As far as I know, Arizona State doesn't have a formal "No Fat Chicks" policy. Anyone can go there. Even ugly people. What if I went there? Parading in on an ass like a pretend king, like Jesus? A king in a peasant's trappings? They couldn't kick me out, could they? Just for being ugly? No, I don't think so. So if it's not formal policy, what is it? It's gotta be for the same reasons that predominantly black colleges are predominantly black, and predominantly white colleges are predominantly white. Yes, black people do make a point to go to the black colleges, making the black colleges blacker and the white colleges whiter by virtue of their absence. But how did the black colleges fulfill this prophecy of being black? How did they get black enough to attract black students and become even blacker? It had to be that they started out black. The black people were already in the area. The college attracts so many black people because that college just happened to be close to a preponderance of black people and it's usually easier to just go to the college that's near you. And that's probably how it is for Arizona State University. There's no beacon calling the pretty people. Not like Hollywood is a beacon for people who wanna put out for the camera. No, the area around Arizona State must just have pretty people in it. And it makes sense. I hear the area is a rave hot spot. So there tend to be lots of rave bunnies hopping around. And if I go to where ever this nude beach is, there'll probably be beautiful people who are into nude bathing. And those people might just go to whatever the nearby college is. And then I'll go to that college. I'll see them around campus. We'll grow closer. And then she'll be like "TeeHee, FrothySolutions, did you maybe wanna go to that nude beach? Iono, somethin' t'do... 😇" That's the dream. Or instead Uncle Chester, what about Art Mann? Another long forgotten source of "What is this magical place" feelings for me. Art Mann Presents is/was a show that went and filmed local crazy festivals and stuff. Like Spring Break, but not Spring Break. I mostly caught clips of it on Soup. And because my only exposure to this was on Soup, I figured I would never see it again. Half the time I barely remembered the names of the shows featured on Soup. But then I lucked out to hear that Art Mann actually has a YouTube channel.

Notorious clip from the show. Now you're probably looking at that ass and thinking "Boy, that's terrible. Just not a good ass." And it's not the best ass in the world, but I don't see the ass for the ass. I see the ass for how she brazenly just scrawls "Slut Butt" on her body, to announce her sluttiness in the sluttiest way possible for the stupidest, most irresponsible hey-I'll-do-anything reason. I wanna meet people like her. Who command that people notice her sluttiness and mistake it for nothing else but sluttiness. I am bound to witness it! What is this magical place? Bodatious Motor Sports Park. In Cartersville, Virginia. Art Mann's specialty is redneck debauchery. This, along with Georgia Southern's Alpha Omicron Pi and "Greensboro Thot" grants credence to my "Floribama Theory," that warm weather and sloppy redneckery make for the unique cocktail that allows the party scene I'm looking for to happen.

But then. maybe I don't have to go to Jerusalem. I'm finding that home has some hidden gems that for some coincidence are only just now revealing themselves to me. This past Friday, right? I go in to work. The building I work in has probably like a hundred tenants throughout its vast swaths of office space. There's stuff going on in this building I can only wonder at. Like what I saw on Friday. I come in, I'm at the elevator, and I see this woman, petite, save for the breasts straining against her black t-shirt. Big enough to tent her midriff area. Plain blue jeans, but she was wearing these polka dot platform heels. I don't see women like this in MY area of the building. I don't see women like this in my area in general. My experience with women, I assume they wanna wear comfortable shoes to work. And the women at my job do. Slippers and sensible flats. But here was a woman in heels. By choice? And these weren't formal heels either. Polka dot isn't necessarily a casual fashion pattern. But these were platform heels. Hoein' shoes. And the rest of her attire wasn't formal either. And so my mind runs with this: She must have somewhere to be after work. Because there's no dress code anywhere that says "Casual, but you have to wear stripper shoes." She either was going somewhere that called for stripper shoes, or she's the kind of person who just likes stripper shoes. Both are the kind of woman I wanna be friends with. And most miraculous of all? Despite standing before me in platform heels? She was shorter than me. :whatfeels: Too bad she wasn't a new hire at my place. But where was she headed? I take another look at her shirt. There's a logo. It says "Sedgwick." As in, "Sedgwick Claims Management Services." Okay. So there's a Sedgwick data entry/mail room place somewhere in this building. I recognize the free t-shirt. Maybe she's wearing those shoes for the same reason she's wearing the shirt. Maybe that's all she has right now. :feelsbadman: I happen to be getting in the elevator, same as she is. So I make note of the floor she gets off on. 5th floor. When we part ways, I say "Have fun on 5... :forcedsmile:" She gives a polite laugh. One benefit of this office space being very large and almost mazelike, there's lots of secluded bathrooms to go jack off in case of emergencies. Tucked away in corners of the building. You never see anyone use these. After that encounter, I had to make sure there really was a Sedgwick on the 5th floor. So when I'm free, I head up there. I get to the elevator, and to my surprise, there's a bunch more women in there. All cute. Not in platform heels, but pretty. Where are all of these pretty women coming from? They're going to the 5th floor. They had such a cute way of walking. They kind of wiggled their behinds. And out there, on the 5th floor, were Sedgwick offices. The scanned their badges and walked in.

Now, things aren't great at my job, and I've been looking for an excuse to leave. What if I jumped ship and just went to work on another floor? Worked at Sedgwick? Well, it might be worse. I know one thing, it almost certainly pays a whole lot less. It's a "workforce" job. I've worked jobs like these. Data entry jobs like these are the new factory jobs. Workforce jobs like data entry and "mail room" are built around amassing as much cheap labor as you can to do a thing where the main challenge is "It would take one person a long time to do this, so get a bunch of people to do it." Workforce jobs don't think much of their employees. They're seen as unskilled and uneducated. Maybe even lazy and stupid. All you really need to be able to do is type, so they assume you don't know how do to do anything else. The thinking is "Just get anybody. Anybody that can type. They need us more than we need them. We just need lots of fingers to move lots of documents." That's why the walls are plastered with the kinds of motivational posters you typically see in high schools. Not all motivational posters are like this, and it's in a company's nature to promote good habits/policy, but the kinds of posters on their walls, enforcing basic maxims like "Don't lie" and "Stick to your word" and "Remember to do your work." You remind teenagers not to skip school and to remember their homework. Not adults. But the thinking behind places like Sedgwick and other workforce jobs is "Well these people's highest education is probably high school at best. It's not their fault, they were probably too poor to go to college. But fact is, they're dumb and lazy for not being able to do and learn the things you'd get to in college." Also? They might not hire me. So those are the reasons why maybe I shouldn't put my apples in the Sedgwick basket. The pay is low, the treatment is soul-crushing, and I might not even get the job. Now, the reasons why I should: As for the money, in for a pound, in for a penny. I don't make that much money as it is, and aside from South Padre that one time I don't have expensive tastes. So if I'm gonna be poor, I could be a lot poorer. As for the demeaning high school environment? That's right up my alley! What I'm looking for is a social environment, right? Like school? Just a place where I'm around the same people for months/years. So we can interact on a regular basis. My job isn't like that. No one's interesting and the place isn't really conducive to that. But if the thinking at a workforce job is "Well they're all just teenagers, really" maybe a fringe benefit of not being trusted with anything is that I get more leeway. American Beauty logic. And maybe everyone there really is vibrant like a bunch of schoolkids. They seemed that way in the elevator. But the key takeaway here is, I would have peers. Instead of strange co-workers that just happen to be nearby.

While I'm being a creep, there was this OTHER cute woman I saw the other day. I was out foraging for Saturday provisions when I saw this woman, squatting behind a pillar, taking a piss. I know she was taking a piss. She was worried about getting caught, I could see it in her eyes. Because we made eye contact... I don't know how to explain this. Presently, anyway, I don't have any kind of piss fetish. I don't want any woman to pee on me. But something about this I liked. When we locked eyes, and we locked eyes, what I wanted was to somehow convey that I was on her side. That I wasn't gonna, like, rat her out to whoever. Even though I myself have been pinched for public urination. Bet she walks. Because I'm the kind of cuck who lets women get away with the crimes men don't get away with and are associated exclusively with. But what should I have done if what I wanted was to be a friend to this peeing woman? Lock my eyes with her until she finished as a way of admiring her? Walk over to her? Look around like I'm keeping watch for her? What I ended up doing was averting my eyes, as if to say "Hey, I didn't see anything." I'm sure she didn't get the hint or appreciate the gesture. I walk away, trying my best to show how I ain't a piss snitch. And as I walk, I keep an eye on her. She finishes up, pulls up her pants, smooths down her dress, and walks into a nearby shoe store. If we were to meet again, what could I possibly say to her that means "If you need a pee watchman, I can do that." She probably doesn't wanna hear that. Probably wants to forget the pee thing ever happened. But I tell you what, I can't forget it. Not for a while. I'll probably remember her whenever I return to that strip mall.

Maybe it's the warmer weather, I dunno. But this city has availed me its pretty women. Maybe I should stick around? And ascend here?
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Hellfire" or "Cleansing of the Temple"

TL;DR:
The recent tragedy has my spirit broken. I don't know if I'll be able to continue the quest to archive across several Instagrams and learn where all of the college sluttery is happening. Because it seems to be happening more often in general in other places than where I live. As for the church, most of it was saved. This holy day gives me pause to consider the meaning of Holy Monday, and how it's about how prayer is supposed to make your will manifest into results in life. But what if someone's praying against me? I feel like Instagram prays against me and others like me, and Jesus has chosen to honor their prayers over mine.

I rushed right home. I've been a paranoid wreck all day. You might've heard the news. I know I'm low T, I was the first guy to point out how low T I am. But I'm crushed... I think my Instagram account might be banned for bot activity. :feelswah::feelswhy:

Lemme explain. As you might know, I'm trying to get a census for where the biggest concentrations of Instathots and college sluts are in North America. I figured a good metric for that is to see who's on Instagram posting the most ass-on-cooler pictures, or drunken degeneracy. Because I have a good feeling it's not where I live. How would I find this? I would go through as many Instagrams featuring pictures like these. Of people "Doing It For State" as it were. There's a lot of Instagrams out there like that, and they are filled with hundreds, if not thousands, of pictures. Not all of them useful, but if I'm gonna do this I need to go through every picture so I don't miss the ones that ARE useful.

https://www.instagram.com/imshmacked/

Here's an example of an account. "I'm Shmacked." Their motto? "A new way to scout colleges." Exactly. Right up my alley. That is exactly what I came here to do. I'm Shmacked is saying "You should base your college pick on which colleges are doing the fun stuff you actually care about. Don't go to a boring college, look at our pictures and see which college is the craziest." Thank you, I'm Shmacked, that's what I wanna do. Maybe you can help me learn which schools are having what fun. Problem is, as of April 15th, 2019, there are at least 12,478 posts on that Instagram.To go through all of those manually??? And that's just one Instagram of over 100 that I've followed to see what sights they have to show me. And most frustrating of all, I can't sort from oldest to newest. Maybe I have the patience to go through them all manually. Problem is, I need to start from the oldest and work my way to the newest. And be able to bookmark my place. But that's just one of the ways Instagram is such a shitty platform. You can't do that. There's a lot you can't do with Instagram that you should be able to. If there was a way to just archive a whole Instagram at once, straight to my computer, and also salvage the metadata (the geotags, the tagged users, etc.) I could just copy all of the geotags and make a list of them, and see which places and people come up the most. And then do that with the other Instagrams until, eventually, I have a profile of the hottest hot spots in the nation are.

I was clued in on something that could do that: A Python program called "Instaloader." The most starred Instagram ripper on Github.

https://instaloader.github.io/

It archives pictures, it archives each pictures geotag (if it has one), it, supposedly, even archives the users tagged in the image. For instance, if I was to archive ImShmacked, it would download this picture.


And along with that picture it would include in text files and .JSON files that tell me the geotag for this picture is The University of South Alabama. And that the tag in the picture is for a woman who goes by korynhernandez on Instagram.

So with all that information I can resolve "She must be from Mobile, Alabama." And she would go in the pile of eventual hundreds, if not thousands of other pictures with person and/or place info in them. That's what Instaloader is supposed to be able to do.So, once I got it set up, I gave it a test run on an unrelated Instagram, zerosrevival. 1491 posts right now. I'd heard tell that Instagram is really persnickety about bot activity and if it detects you botting, will put you in time out to slow you down. There are people who rip Instagram for a living, and they say "It'll probably take us a few days to archive as much Instagram as you want, because Instagram limits how many rips an automatic ripper is allowed to make in a day." But it's temporary. After the time out, you can go back to archiving. On top of that, I'm also told that Instaloader staggers itself so as to appear like a human. So as minor a setback as timeout is, odds are I will never experience it. But just to be sure that Instaloader can fetch all of the information I need, I run the test anyway.

Things were going smoothly at first. But then... the archiving just stops. At only 307 posts saved. No error message, nothing. I didn't run out of space, did I? No, plenty of space on the drive left. Is my computer frozen? No, that's fine too. I decide to just let it run. Maybe this is part of the staggering process. Lets itself hang for... several hours... to seem like a normal human. But by this morning, it still hadn't budged from 307. I'll ask about it on r/DataHoarder at work. And here's what I'm told.


Now I'm doubly worried, because if I wasn't IP banned? I left Instaloader running so after all that time now I probably am. The quitting bell can't come soon enough. I hit up Instagram. I'm still logged in, I don't know how much that really means because I had the windows open when I left for work. But pictures won't load when I click on them. Some people say a couple hundred pictures isn't anything I would get banned over, but I also hear Instagram just keeps getting stingier with its API. I don't know what to believe. All I know is, if I somehow couldn't do this, I would lose what is probably my most solid metric. Plenty of people make lists about which colleges are what, but you have to ask what they're basing their lists on. What information do they have? I don't know how reliable it is for a lot of these lists. But this, to know where most of the belfies on the Internet are coming from? That's got substance. If pics are coming out of Mobile but not... I dunno, Philadelphia, that trend has to mean something. Something about the belfie culture of the area. If I can't learn this, I have nothing. It doesn't have to be from Instagram. Ideally I want it from Do It For State. But that's all anonymous. Instagram is my next best bet. But without Instagram, I might have nothing. My quest comes to an end. So here's hoping I'm not banned, and that Instaloader does everything it claims.

Except... even if it does, can I even trust geotags? The picture of the woman from U of SA was reliable because it included both a geotag and a link to her Instagram. So it's pretty solid information that she's from Mobile. But then there's pictures like this.


The geotag says Miami Beach Florida. But the comments are full of people saying this isn't even in the United States. It's actually from a bar called "Mango Deck" in Cabo San Lucas. And this isn't the only geotag people have protested from ImShmacked. Maybe ImShmacked doesn't know what they're talking about. Or maybe the people who submit pictures to them are pretending to be other schools and hoping they won't get found out. But what this probably means is, I will have to go through each picture manually to check the comments and get the REAL locations of each picture. Which is daunting. Maybe Instaloader can save the comments? The hundreds of comments on each picture? The main issue isn't time, it's that I can't start from the beginning and save my spot. I'll sit through all 12,000+ pictures, what ever I gotta do. I'll compile my list of ascension spots if I have to burn down all of Paris!!!

Speaking of which, there was also a fire in Paris today. Notre Dame burned. Not as big a deal as it sounds. Official reports say there was no attack. This was a construction accident that happened during renovations. No one died, the biggest tragedy is that one of the firefighters was injured in the battle. And the church made it out with barely a scuff. The roof and the spire burned down. AKA, the parts that were being renovated anyway. The famous bells? Intact. The collection of powerful relics? Jesus's Crown Of Thorns and a chunk of the Crucifix? Weren't touched. Roofs can be rebuilt, and roofs will be rebuilt. 'Course, maybe you don't believe the "official reports." A lot of people don't. A lot of people believe there's a conspiracy. That there WAS an attack. Consider the significance of the date. April 15th. The same day the Titanic sunk! But also, Holy Monday! The second day of Holy Week! Why not strike on the first of Holy Week? Maybe they weren't ready yet. Long as you strike some time during the high holidays. The fires evoke images of the climax from Hunchback of Notre Dame, when the church and Paris burned over a single gypsy. What if it was gypsies again? Refugee gypsies? Esmeralda was Romani though. So it doesn't quite line up. Still though, if you're angry at refugees and have an ear for conspiracy, you have reason to relate to Frollo today. Maybe you don't like what the brown people are doing in France nowadays. Like Frollo didn't.

Holy Monday. The day Jesus cursed a fig tree and drove the Happy Merchants from his Father's house. Right now I feel like Jesus was out of line. Because I'm bitter about these Instagram setbacks. The moral of that day? "Pray to me for stuff, and believe in your heart that it is already so, and you shall have it. See? See how I killed this fig tree by the power of my will? That's how good I am. Pray to me." Okay then, Jesus. But what if I wanted the fig tree to live? First of all, kind of a bitch fit for you to throw, having the power to change reality through prayer you could've let the tree live but you killed it out of spite because you're a daddy's boy. Second, let's say I want the tree to live. Someone else wants the tree to die. We both pray to you. Who wins? This is how it is for me and Instagram right now, I think. They're praying that I'll be stopped. I'm praying that they'll just let me look at all these pictures. Our prayers seem to be at odds. And it really feels like Jesus is on Instagram's side, not mine.
 

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Promised Land" or "The Lists That Matter"

TL;DR:
Bad news, my Tinder app is acting up. My account isn't banned, but for some reason I can't log in on my phone. Good news? At least my Tinder account itself isn't banned. Better news? I'm not actually banned from Instagram. I walked through my local college campus today, and everyone was partying because of the warm weather. I didn't find the parties very interesting looking, and from that I assume my local college campus must not be having very interesting parties. I need to find out where the most interesting parties in the country are. But Instagram is a long term goal. I need to check other sources of information in the meantime. There are those "What Cities/Colleges Are Having The Most Sex" lists, but you have to consider what these lists are basing their rankings on. But what's probably solid information is whatever schools these lists have in common. If Arizona State University keeps coming up, it's probably got a solid reputation. I also consider checking Twitter for geotagged Tweets from the Arizona State University area, similar to how I would for Instagram. See if any of that reveals anything. But in the end, I have to eventually do the Instagram audit. To make absolutely sure.

There's a saying amongst the faithful: When God fixes your door, he breaks your window. What that basically means is, whenever something turns out okay or even good, life evens the score by fucking something else up. Turns out I'm not actually banned from Instagram like I feared. I'm not gonna run Instaloader just yet, I'm gonna call on some support first. Maybe slide the developers some beer money for their help, if they can make something happen for me. Bad news though? The Tinder app on my phone is acting up. I can't log in. My account APPEARS to be fine, on desktop I'm still logged in and I'm still getting chat messages and the odd match here and there. I'm chatting with someone right now. But not on my phone. Because any time I try to log in with my phone, I get a message saying...

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Happens every time, without fail. Maybe I should uninstall/reinstall? Has anyone else else experienced this? I'd ask for help on r/Tinder but that place is beyond useless.

But it doesn't look like I'm actually banned or anything from either platform, which is good. Today I got another reminder about how I need to find the optimum location for ascension...

I found myself walking through the nearby university district today, as I have before. It's been pretty quiet each time I've been there this year, but today several of the student houses had people and/or piles of red cups outside of them. Music was blaring. And it reminded me of when I was in school. There would be partying going on, and not just at one house, but up and down the block. Around corners. The whole student neighborhood would be jumpin'. And because I wasn't invited, I could only wonder what the occasion was. Now, today, many years later, I'm still wondering. I don't have that much time in a day to spare so I'm thinking "Just keep walking, you gotta get to bed." But I'm able to stifle this. I'm gonna ask these kids why everyone's partying. If it was just one house, it could be anything. But the whole neighborhood? It's gotta be something. I start off on a bold foot: I approach a sorority house. Door is wide open, and on the porch sit four mostly idle women. I can't speak for how they felt, but me, this felt like the pool scene from Little Children. I ask "Excuse me, what is today?" trying my best not to sound like I'm getting on them for playing their damn rock n' roll so loud. The ladies turn to me. One of them says "Tuesday." I clarify "No, I mean, like, is today a holiday?" Primal instinct has taken over at this point. Like a chimp, I'm trying my best, through body language and facial expression, to convey that I am not angry or aggressive. One of the girls turns to another girl. "Is today a holiday?" she asks. "Nnnnnnooooo...?" assumes the other girl. They're all much bigger than me, by the way. "Ohhhhhhh..." I nod in understanding. "Well, what's with everybody partying today?" Trying to make myself appear even smaller and unassuming. They answer "Oh, it's just because it's a nice day."

I thank them, and I keep it moving. To other houses. Along my route I visit house after house, asking the same thing. And they all tell me the same thing: They're just enjoying the nice weather. All of them. They all just decided to enjoy the weather. And it was nice weather, we've recently come out of a rainy spell. But this "Everyone's partying because the weather is nice" felt so foreign to me. And why? I'm familiar with people deciding to have spur of the day cookouts in the summer, isn't this the same thing? But then, it's not the whole neighborhood on the same day. It just had to be related to mid-terms or sportsball or something. But apparently it wasn't. That's just part of the culture. Nice weather? Have a little party.

First, I wanna point out how, even though I went from house to house bothering people, I'm pretty sure no one called the cops on the weird old man wandering around the student houses. I consider that a small victory in the game of fitting in on a college campus. Second, to be fair, a lot of these were "little" parties. I'd see a modest gathering of a handful of people playing beer pong or cornhole, lazing in the sun, just letting time pass. And as I made my way home I thought to myself, "That wasn't it. That wasn't the kind of party atmosphere I hoped to experience in college." Those parties were downright family friendly. Where are the parties where sex happens? I was told that sex happens at college parties. Were those the kinds of parties where sex happens? They didn't... seem like that kind of party? I wouldn't know. How does sex happen at these kinds of parties? Before you answer, as many in the past have answered, I don't mean a party where the theme or objective is to have sex. Not like a fetish party or anything like that. I mean a party where people get drunk and girls start showing skin and letting people touch their butts because everyone's just loose like that. I don't know the exact logistics of how the sex happens at these parties, but what I was seeing today was, at the liveliest? A bunch of people, dresed modestly for warm weather, standing around drinking. That's the craziest the big crowds got. Just a bunch of people standing around. Based on my almost complete lack of experience, if I had to guess, I don't think any sex was happening at that party. But maybe I'm wrong and don't know how it happens. Still, the fear persists, and was exacerbated today: Maybe not every school has the party scene I'm looking for. That's why I need to find the right school. Where the girls aren't just attractive, but fun. Like Georgia Southern's Alpha Omicron Pi. Here's their profile on Greek Rank, by the way.


Partying with them is probably a sure bet, right? And then there's these girls...

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From West Virginia University, as reported by Total Frat Move.

https://totalfratmove.com/wvu-sorority-girls-hang-aggressive-signs-on-move-in-day-offer-to-sit-on-freshmen-faces/

Or maybe this isn't West Virginia, I dunno. If I'm Shmacked can be wrong, maybe Total Frat Move can be wrong. But look at all those "daddy" signs. Maybe getting old isn't the worst thing in the world. If you're tall. And here we've got even more evidence for my "Warm Weather Rednecks Have The Most Fun Theory." Right? Is West Virginia in the south? I tend to think of any state south of Pennsylvania to be "The South."



But this SurveyMonkey poll of, to be fair just a couple thousand people huehuehue sample sizes, doesn't hold a lot of room for West Virginia as part of "The South." So I'm probably wrong.

Now, most people here probably disapprove of the thottery exhibited at West Virginia University. And frankly, I'm angry about it too. A lot of people are. Why? Because if a frat were to do this, people would cry "rape culture." And they have cried "rape culture." For the frats. But when it comes to the sororities, nobody's sayin' dick. And I'm torn. Because while I love trash, the double standard lingers in the back of my mind and spoils my fun. I don't wanna piss anybody off, but take this piece by Emily Shugerman of Revelist.


"Is it too late to pledge??" 😝 The double standards don't get any more blatant. It's "objectifying" and "threatening" when the frats do it, but it's a "suggestive joke" when the sororities do it. Somehow in the same article she calls for the frats to stop doing this, but the sororities to continue doing this. And to those of us about to cry "double standard" she says "No, the double standard is that nobody bats an eye when the frats do it, but now that the sororities are doing it, it's news."

This is a prime example of how your reality can differ from someone else's, depending on your specific echo chamber. I believe she believes the sororities are being called out disproportionate to the frats. But I'd like to know what reality she's living in because here in my reality? When frats do it it's not news? When frats do it it's the ONLY news. EVERYBODY is talking about when the frats do it. They ONLY mention when the frats do it. And it's always part of a dialogue about how men are bad and will hurt you. The welcome banners aren't funny because something something campus assaults. But only when the men make them. The women aren't even being spoken of, except for by people who are into loose women. People like me. People like the people at Total Frat Move/Total Sorority Move.


They have the awareness of reality to point out the real double standard: That these banners are crude, but harmless. And while we make louts of the boys for this, the girls go unpunished. But maybe Shugerman thinks the sororities are just making a statement. They don't MEAN any of those banners, they're just calling out those frats. And I can see why she might assume that, some of those WVU banners are just genderflipped versions of notable frat banners. But maybe, just maybe, girls like to fuck same as boys. Like TFM/TSM says, this is not an isolated incident. Maybe instead of WVU, I should try Dayton University?

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Or how about Ohio University? Number one party school, allegedly. Again, when it comes to girls going wild, I have never heard of Ohio University. But whatever.

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This next one's a good one. Mom, Dad, hold onto your wallets.

https://www.reddit.com/r/trashy/comments/9lplat
What is THIS magical place? University of... Guelph? In... Ontario??? Damn it! I'm not going to Ontario for pussy. Not worth it. But my point is, this is not some coordinated effort to make statements. These girls just wanna have fun. Like the boys wanna have fun. And it's really upsetting because "journalists" have called these frats out, and people have tailed these "journalists" by saying "Hey but what about WVU? And all these other houses?" But nothing changes. No retractions, no admitting that they unfairly go after men more than they do women, closest thing to acknowledging both issues in the same breath was that Revelist piece and AMAZINGLY, they said "Nobody gets mad when the frats do it." One of these days, when my frustration reaches a boiling point, I'm gonna have to talk to Shugerman about her ignorance. Because I know Total Frat/Sorority Move won't. And that's me speaking from their perspective as part of the problem. I'm like them. I like trashy. So if I go to them and be like "Revelist and other people are writing biased garbage! Use your powers to call them out! A brief mention is no good, we need to make a concerted, direct call out!" But the best I would get from them is "Don't let ignorant people control your vibe. Let them think what they want, frats and sororities will find a place together where their needs can be met mutually. They both want this, so the both of them will somehow prevail." And I wanna believe that. Because the alternative means coming after these girls for their banners. Then no one gets banners. And the culture of the universities becomes that much more bland. Like Total Moves and the like, I'm part of the problem. An Uncle Tom to the MGTOW movement and masculine dignity. :feelswah:

Maybe just leave it alone. This was a hot topic back in 2015, might as well be ancient history now...

The university district in my area, I don't think I've seen banners like these. Maybe the management got to them before I could see them. Maybe I should check the area again on Move In Day, during the fall semester. If I see the banners, that probably means fun times at my local university district. If I don't see the banners? That's probably the sign to get out of this city. And find a school that does have these banners.

Ohio University. Frankly I only recently learned that this school existed. I thought they were talking about Ohio STATE University or something. Why have I not heard anything reputable about this school? The fear returns again. Maybe "Number One Party School" doesn't necessarily mean "Number One Drunken Party Sex School." A party can be anything. A party can be cake and ice cream. A party can mean loud music and quiet beer pong. A party can be people standing around, relaxing, drinking beer. A party can be an outdoor concert where everyone has a crazy time but not any crazy sex. Maybe Ohio University parties hard, but doesn't necessarily fuck hard. I hear lots of talk about concerts and running around in pajamas down Court Street, but all of those can happen without a sexual component. I don't wanna go to a bunch of concerts and have that turn into nothing but a good time at a concert. I need to go where the sex is happening. Not just partying, but sex. And with Instagram looking to be more and more complicated a source to mine, I have to turn my ear to "supplementary" sources of information about where all the hoes at. I'm not giving up on Instagram yet, it's just I'm not gonna be able to finish the whole thing tomorrow, am I? So while I'm cracking that egg, I'll see what the other eggs are saying. I mentioned such eggs in "XXX Marks the Spot 4: On Slayer Tides." The lists that matter. Lists like "Best Party School" and "Prettiest Coeds." But what if I just get straight to the point? I wanna get laid. And there are lists for "Most Sex Havingest Cities In The United States." I think I've mentioned at least one before. But if I was to just search "Get laid at these colleges" a number of lists come up. And maybe I could trust these lists, skip Instagram and go where they say go. But every list is different. So like with that SurveyMonkey poll a little while ago, what information do they base their lists on? What is the methodology behind collecting of the data?

https://www.campusexplorer.com/college-advice-tips/28ED787F/8-Colleges-Where-You-ll-Actually-Get-Laid/

Campus Explorer. "8 Colleges Where You'll Actually Get Laid." The 8 colleges...

  1. Oberlin College: 3 Woohoos
  2. Harvard University: 2 Woohoos
  3. Arizona State University: 2 Woohoos
  4. University of California, Santa Barbara: 3 Woohoos
  5. University of Texas at Austin: 3 Woohoos
  6. Northwestern University: 3 Woohoos
  7. University of Michigan, Ann Arbor: 2 Woohoos
  8. Vassar College: 3 Woohoos
More "Woohoos" means more likelihood of sex. Not very helpful when it's a scale from 2 to 3. But what are they basing this on? Oberlin got its whopping 3 Woohoos because of co-ed dorms. Lots of colleges have co-ed dorms. But Oberlin also has a "Gender, Sexuality, and Feminist Studies" major. Which is not the same thing as drunken party sex. USCB also got 3 Woohoos, because it's got a reputation. Like Arizona State has a reputation. And they have a Facebook page full of anonymous sexual confessions. But lots of schools have an anonymous confessions thing. U of T at Austin is on the board because of that Men's Health list we covered a while ago. But that list was based on who has the most STDs. And whose buying sex toys from Pure Romance and Babeland. Two retailers I've never even heard of. And birth rates. That's not college sex. That's sex in what I assume is a stable household between two responsible adults for the purpose of rearing a family. See how the information the list is based on maybe isn't in your best interest?

But then there's this list. From Return of Kings. You guys probably know Return of Kings. You guys probably trust Return of Kings.

http://www.returnofkings.com/6403/top-10-colleges-for-getting-laid

A list based mostly on reputation and word of mouth. No dildo sales or condom programs. Highly unscientific. But "scientific" probably isn't the right way to go anyway. You wanna answer the question "What do you actually SEE there?" So you ask people who've been what they see. Their list...

  1. University of Western Ontario
  2. Pennsylvania State University
  3. California State University, Chico
  4. Florida State University
  5. University of Texas at Austin
  6. McGill University
  7. New York University
  8. University of Georgia
  9. Arizona State University
  10. University of California, Santa Barbara AKA the University of Casual Sex and Beer
Note in the descriptions how they show their work. Show their expertise. How they explain.They point out how Florida in general is a sure spot for gaming. How Southern colleges in general are known for hard partying. How it makes sense that you'd be wary of NYU because it's a Northern college in a major metropolis, so it won't have the "crazy frat parties." But it makes up for that by having prettier women. They cite crowdsourced opinions from the Roosh V Forums. Reliable insights, probably. They at least make a point to explain what you're actually in for. Unfortunately, Return of Kings probably would like to discourage me from debauchery. They want me to game, yes. But right under this article is an ad for their newsletter that says...

Stop getting tricked by bad girls who are pretending to be good!
Our most important article of the year gives you 30 signs that a girl has been with over 100 men. Get instant access by signing up to our informative weekly newsletter below...
...Don't go for no sluts, says Return of Kings. That's not what a King should do. So I have to think their advice is geared towards keeping me away from these kinds of women.

http://www.returnofkings.com/195498/5-types-of-women-who-should-quit-acting-like-theyre-supermodels

But there are more lists where that came from. And while they are all different, they're the same in a lot of ways too. Arizona State keeps coming up on it. First the COED list, now this. The reputation is clear. Arizona State, the school and the state, are probably a sure bet. But... is it though??? :feelswhat: I feel like it's on this list not because the women there are loose, but because they're pretty. And just because she looks like the kind of girl you wish would suck your dick doesn't mean she will. Just like parties don't necessarily mean low inhibitions, nor does being pretty. In fact, I'd argue it might even mean instead of trashy girls, you find women of distinction. Remember that Arizona State student I matched with on Tinder? That I mentioned in "Fool's Errand?" The first and only person so far to make a point to tell me they were reporting me. She's shown, arguably, the highest standard of all the women I've matched with. Lame. But it makes sense. Because there's "Old Row asses-on-coolers I-don't-need-feminism-to-have-a-good-time" pretty, and then there's "I take too much care of myself to ever lower my standards" pretty. The cocktail dresses and fine dining pretty. Maybe those are the women who go to Arizona State. Which is why I say I'll trade in some "pretty" if I can exchange it for "fun." Arizona State can keep its slender models if I can get a thicc girl who'll fuck.

As I said earlier though, a college earns its reputation from its surrounding area. So if Arizona State University really is the sex mecca of party colleges, it stands to reason that there'd be a culture like that as a whole in Tempe, the city that ASU is set up in. If there was a way I could look around Tempe from the comfort of my festidious floor futon, if I saw a bunch of sexy people around and a culture more sexualized than others, that would corroborate the reputation of ASU. Well, that brings me to my other "supplementary" source. I learned something about with Twitter: You can search for all Tweets that were made from a certain location. Provided that Tweet was stamped with a geolocation. Not all are. In fact... maybe most aren't. But check this out!


That Tweet was made from Tempe. I'm almost certainly getting a minimum of all the texts made from Tempe because not all are geo-stamped, but if my thinking is correct the ratio of Tempe Tweets to other cities should have more pretty people and sexy things in favor of Tempe. But how do you get geostamps? I'm not a developer, I don't have access to the Twitter API. So I can't just mine the data like a developer could. A developer could just query Twitter for whatever place ID they needed. So what I do is I go on Google and search "From (city)" and "Twitter" and hope for the best. So far I've been able to find these place IDs.

Tempe, AZ (place:7cb7440bcf83d464)
Philadelphia, PA (place:e4a0d228eb6be76b)
Independence National Historic Park in Philadelphia (place:07d9db3bc6481001)
New Orleans, LA (place:dd3b100831dd1763)
Shreveport, LA (place:4ec71fc3f2579572)
Morgantown, WV (place:bad356f8cba08b76)
Las Vegas (place:5c2b5e46ab891f07)
Manhattan, NY (place:01a9a39529b27f36)
New York, NY (place:27485069891a7938)
Wilston Tech Adult Auto in Huntington Station, NY (place:07d9f7db5a080001)
Washington, DC (place:01fbe706f872cb32)
Arlington, VA (place:319ee7b36c9149da)
McLean, VA (place:dc234665a759a05d)
South Padre Island, TX (place:1d1f665883989434)
McDonalds at South Padre Island, TX (place:07d9eca60fc88000)
Columbus, OH (place:3df0e3eb1e91170b)
The Big Bar & Grill at Columbus, OH (place:07d9e4dad1081002)
New Brunswick, NJ (place:c47efae2a73aef75)
Atlanta, GA (place:8173485c72e78ca5)
Panama City Beach, FL (place:9ebd5acfac2301ba)
Rosarito, Baja MX (place:07d9dffa41882000)
Athens, OH (place:77aa8a0640caa98c)
Either the U.S. Customs and Border Protection Port of Entry, or a Burger King (place:07d9dcac92881002)
Long Beach, MD (place:01ebc4b817a3c584)

Punch in any of those into the Twitter search and you'll get all of the Tweets geotagged with the corresponding location. I'm looking over the Photos tag... I guess these are kinda promising...


That last one is from a rave mistress. Backing up the idea that Arizona is known for its rave scene and that contributes to the reputation for pretty party girls.

Let's see... what else can I learn from? Craigslist?

https://phoenix.craigslist.org/wvl/rnr/d/name-the-first-computer/6857359463.html



Ha! Hilarious. But it's like this. Maybe Arizona State is a solid bet. If it is, the Instagram findings will back it up. There will be lots of pictures from girls from Arizona State. Because if another school is outnumbering them, the question is, why? If Arizona is number one, why would another school be beating them in Instathottery? I have to be thorough. Here's hoping I don't end up like Moses. Spending all my time wandering, only to die within sight of my goal.
 
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FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420

FrothySolutions

There's no gym for my squandered youth.
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
420
"Hidden Easter Eggs" or "Fucked Up Shit I Look At On The Internet"

TL;DR:
Had an Easter luncheon/Egg Hunt at work today, which was a surprise. And then I got ice cream. And then I got diarrhea. But the way I overshare in this journal, I worry that someone from my job is gonna find out that I post here. I also wonder, what do normal people enjoy on the Internet together? What forum could I browse with friends, if I had any? If only I could sit and watch people browse the Internet together. Wait, I can. At a library.

Today is Maundy Thursday. 🦶 You might've heard about a liturgical foot washing tradition. It comes from the Bible. Where you wash people's feet in the name of Jesus. That's what you do today. Now, my absolute weak point where I keep my jimmies? Trying to tell me that sexual things aren't sexual. Fine and normal and innocuous. Absolute bullshit, I don't want any. And I don't care how liturgical you wanna say it is, foot washing is sensual. Consider the tale of the Anointing of Jesus. Mary/The Sinful Woman washes Jesus's feet with her tears. Rubs her hair on them. Kisses them and anoints them in perfume and oils. Fuck you if you don't think that's the kind of thing Tarantino keeps in an open tab. I know porn when I see it.

We had an Easter luncheon at work today. Why today? Because actual Easter is on Sunday when almost everyone will be gone. And Good Friday is the day the higher ups will be gone. And the higher ups DEFINITELY can't miss Easter Luncheon. My supervisor likes to take the piss out of me for eating a lot at these office luncheons. Guilty, I do put it away when it comes to a spread. And today was especially bad because I'm still on budget thanks to South Padre. So I haven't been eating like I'd like to. This luncheon was a very welcome Save Room in the grueling adventure of my life. And so he and I are snarking back and forth, but then he asks "What, are you hungry?" With the slightest sprinkle of sincere concern. "Are you hungry" means "Are you not getting enough food in life?" And then it dawns on me. My co-workers are always dumping excess food on me that they don't want/is about to go bad from the commissary. I'm fine with that, I eat every bit of it, but do they think I'm not able to feed myself? Because if they do, my supervisor could maybe negotiate a pay raise for me so I can feed myself.

We have the odd luncheon now and then. Not really a surprise. I guess these are the fringe benefits to make up for how little I make every two weeks. But what came next was a surprise: We had an Easter Egg Hunt. Not outside, where it's safe to hide things, but in our office. They want us to go stomping and peeking and prying and shoving around to look for Easter Eggs. In this office that's not only filled with network hardware that's easy to unplug, but we also deal with confidential client information. But if they think it's safe, I don't have a problem with it. I found a handful of Eggs, but there were 3 hidden Golden Eggs that I didn't find. And I could've found them if I was able to seriously start digging. But one of my co-workers, a woman maybe just a pinch older than me, I get this feeling that she doesn't like me? She doesn't talk to me much, and when she does, she's sounds real exasperated. I'm like the Jim Carrey to her Tommy Lee Jones. She's basically got this undercurrent of "Why are you being an annoying idiot? Normal people don't act like this. You're like a child." And again, she's not the only one who thinks this.


But she is the only one who appears as hostile as she does about it. And it was happy and peaceful times so I didn't wanna upset her. Normally I wouldn't mind upsetting her, on a non-holiday. But I didn't want the higher ups to step in and have us all return to our desks because the mood is ruined.

After the Egg Hunt we all had sundaes/floats. And it put in damage to my intestines later on. I think I'm lactose intolerant. Which is strange, because I was always so sure I and my family were white. See, white people, allegedly, aren't supposed to be lactose intolerant. The ancestors of white people come from countries that deal in milks and cheeses. And so they inherit the ability to eat cheese from their genetics. So if I don't have lactose genetics, am I not from a white people cheese country? I polled Incels.co to see if I'm alone in this.

https://incels.co/threads/hey-white-people-are-any-of-you-lactose-intolerant.117960/

But wait a minute. Morocco dealt in milks and cheeses historically as well, and they're not white. Right? Plus I have light skin. My whole immediate family does. Maybe you can be white, but lactose intolerant.

I share kind of a lot in this journal, I think. And the more I share, the more I worry. Worry that someone from my job will discover that I'm posting here. Why? Because first of all, if you've read those two threads about my job I'm pretty sure I'm under some kind of investigation or surveillance. I think they're worried about me. So to what extent is their search? If they check honeypots like Incels.co or Looksmax.me and read these posts? Maybe it's because I'm the one behind the screen making the posts, but I feel like I've hidden Easter Eggs of my own in these posts that, if you knew me, you would notice and piece together that I am who I am. So why do I do it? I guess I fall prey to the same complacency serial killers fall for. I want so badly to share my secrets, but I'm afraid I'll get caught. So when I don't get caught, I grow more and more low inhib. I'm like "Hey, do you wanna know this? Hey! Lemme tell you about that!" But deep down I know, I shouldn't try and get myself found out like this. That's hypocritical though, isn't it? That I'm worried about my details revealing me, but I'm on this Instagram voyage to uncover as many people and places as I can? I don't think that's so. Because I'm not looking for anything that's hidden. I'm only looking for information that people want to give me. Koryn Hernandez wants people to know her name and where she's based. I don't. Not yet. I don't want the people I know in life to connect me to this account. That's my only worry.

Sometimes I wonder, if I had friends, don't think I could let her know I'm active on this site. But then, if I had a wife, I wouldn't need this site. And then I could, with confidence, say "Before I met you I needed help becoming a man of distinction. Looksmax.me helped me with that." What Internet things do normal people enjoy together? What do they gather around the old iMac to look at together? If anything? There was that idea I had in "One Thousand Big Boys" where I use Tinder to put myself out there to sit on dates and learn how a date goes? Maybe I should expand that. Just watch friends have fun. See what they're doing together at home on their computers.

Wait, I could just go to a public library and watch people use those computers. Okay. Add that to the list.
 

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