Filled with self-loathing and self-hatred

[Tabula Rasa]

My twisted world..

A bit about me, I was never good looking or popular, my boomer parents never cared for my emotional or social development.. I don't have any close family the same age as me, and i never had any close friends growing up. basically have lived my life as a social recluse. when i entered high school i was already at risk bcs I was living in the middle of nowhere...

i was bullied for being weird, autistic, subhuman.. never went outside apart from school, iwas cloistered in my house in the middle of nowhere sedating myself with anime and vidya. nowadays I am filled with incredible self-loathing that I am an unwanted ugly loser. i despise everything about myself.

If only I were to become a different person entirely I would but that's not possible. so the next best thing is to adopt a new persona for myself and change my appearnce, that's the only way I can come to terms with myself.

because my face is associated with self-loathing, negative experiences, trauma etc.

thx for reading my blogpost

@Eriot Lodger @goldpill @Pikabro @TUSSELEIF @Abhorrence @lunin7 @MonkeyDLuffy2003 @Manletmachine @TRUE_CEL

 

[Deleted member 42009]

at least you arent addicted to porn man, theres a silver lining...

 

[Tabula Rasa]

at least you arent addicted to porn man, theres a silver lining...

im a coomer too tbh

 

[goldpill]

Are you transgender?

 

[Tabula Rasa]

Are you transgender?

no imnot a tranny

 

[goldpill]

no imnot a tranny

If only I were to become a different person entirely

 

[Tabula Rasa]

Are you transgender?

yeah but i meant in general, i was a little vague there so u misinterpreted it that way mb

 

[longjohnmong]

how old are you?

 

[Tabula Rasa]

how old are you?

20

 

[bndar.337]

You got this brother

 

[Deleted member 25059]

20

then leave this forum

 

[Tabula Rasa]

then leave this forum

why

 

[Abhorrence]

not too late to change
stop rotting

 

[Deleted member 25059]

why

want to change his entire persona
asking why

jfl

 

[Pikabro]

You’re probably kind of a cuckold. Same here. I’ve realised now that I kind of made myself a loser. I just don’t think like someone with any semblance of self preservation or respect.

 

[longjohnmong]

20

you've been adult for 2 years. ages 0-18 are basically tutorial mode. you can turn it around. when i was like 33 i hit rock bottom. the future looked absolutely barren. i had been depressed with severe feelings of despair since high school, but this was different. it was utter defeat.

then i made a bunch of money and now i can do whatever i want. just don't get addicted to these feelings and the story you're writing about yourself. like, it's okay to feel them and i'm not saying you're wrong, but you have to do something about it. getting stuck ruminating over your shit will waste so much of your life.

download the C25K running app and start that shit today. no excuses, unless you are disabled or some shit. just do the jogging portions as slowly as possible. jogging is basically just a little shuffle. next step would be to get running shoes.

some sort of action is always the answer. you're not going to fix yourself by thinking about your problems.

 

[Tabula Rasa]

not too late to change
stop rotting

ive already been setback too much and at too much of a disadvantage by being a genetic and social outlier. im pretty desperate at this point so im just planning to move to a different city and being homeless by the end of this year

 

[Tabula Rasa]

you've been adult for 2 years. ages 0-18 are basically tutorial mode. you can turn it around. when i was like 33 i hit rock bottom. the future looked absolutely barren. i had been depressed with severe feelings of despair since high school, but this was different. it was utter defeat.

then i made a bunch of money and now i can do whatever i want. just don't get addicted to these feelings and the story you're writing about yourself. like, it's okay to feel them and i'm not saying you're wrong, but you have to do something about it. getting stuck ruminating over your shit will waste so much of your life.

download the C25K running app and start that shit today. no excuses, unless you are disabled or some shit. just do the jogging portions as slowly as possible. jogging is basically just a little shuffle. next step would be to get running shoes.

some sort of action is always the answer. you're not going to fix yourself by thinking about your problems.

thank you, although i am a gymcel. may you mind me asking what was your own experience?

 

[Pikabro]

thank you, although i am a gymcel. may you mind me asking what was your own experience?

How long you’ve been gymcelling for?

 

[Tabula Rasa]

You’re probably kind of a cuckold. Same here. I’ve realised now that I kind of made myself a loser. I just don’t think like someone with any semblance of self preservation or respect.

I personally don't share your sentiment, ive felt like a lot of the things that happened in my life were out of my control and deterministic. though I can empathise with you if you missed out on acting on any opportunities in your life, however for me I've never got those opportunities.

 

[Tabula Rasa]

How long you’ve been gymcelling for?

1.5 years

 

[longjohnmong]

thank you, although i am a gymcel. may you mind me asking what was your own experience?

I said no excuses. Running is different than lifting. Get to the point where you can run 10 miles and if you haven't seen any benefits then quit. I've been lifting since I was 18 but I didn't start running until a couple years ago, and I wish I had been doing it my whole life. Or are you saying you already do cardio?

You mean my life story?

 

[Sprinkles]

isekai anime/manga are a great cope

 

[Tabula Rasa]

I said no excuses. Running is different than lifting. Get to the point where you can run 10 miles and if you haven't seen any benefits then quit. I've been lifting since I was 18 but I didn't start running until a couple years ago, and I wish I had been doing it my whole life. Or are you saying you already do cardio?

You mean my life story?

yes your life story

 

[Deleted member 28927]

self awareness is painful but also a fucking blessing
you got this bro wish you can find willpower and direction in your life

 

[Deleted member 25059]

I said no excuses. Running is different than lifting. Get to the point where you can run 10 miles and if you haven't seen any benefits then quit. I've been lifting since I was 18 but I didn't start running until a couple years ago, and I wish I had been doing it my whole life. Or are you saying you already do cardio?

You mean my life story?

dont listen to him op. he wants yout to have runner sagging face with no collagen.
he takes revenge on young people in his old age

 

[Abhorrence]

ive already been setback too much and at too much of a disadvantage by being a genetic and social outlier. im pretty desperate at this point so im just planning to move to a different city and being homeless by the end of this year

ur cucking yourself with this deterministic mindset

you have to change your persona like u said
you might find out it was your mentality that was cucking you all along

 

[Deleted member 28927]

ur cucking yourself with this deterministic mindset

you have to change your persona like u said
you might find out it was your mentality that was cucking you all along

based.
where d the cat pfp go my homie ABHORRENCE

 

[longjohnmong]

dont listen to him op. he wants yout to have runner sagging face with no collagen.
he takes revenge on young people in his old age

another retard who confuses competitive marathon running and casual jogging

 

[Abhorrence]

based.
where d the cat pfp go my homie ABHORRENCE

its back bro

 

[Pikabro]

1.5 years

You’re probably different to me then. I cucked myself out of gymcelling this year tbh. I should’ve been going consistently for a year now

I said no excuses. Running is different than lifting. Get to the point where you can run 10 miles and if you haven't seen any benefits then quit. I've been lifting since I was 18 but I didn't start running until a couple years ago, and I wish I had been doing it my whole life. Or are you saying you already do cardio?

You mean my life story?

Running is good for the high. Cucked myself out of running too jfl Could be doing 10 mile runs by now

 

[chrisN]

You can change who you are last year I was a mega high inhib loser this year i changed style friend groups and am doing much better it’s doable isnt easy especially since you’ve been the same person with the same routine for so long

 

[Tabula Rasa]

ur cucking yourself with this deterministic mindset

you have to change your persona like u said
you might find out it was your mentality that was cucking you all along

change persona = to become good looking, popular and nt.

which im not. which is why i hate myself

 

[Abhorrence]

change persona = to become good looking, popular and nt.

which im not. which is why i hate myself

stop rotting and ntmaxx
ur entire perspective will change trust me

 

[Tabula Rasa]

stop rotting and ntmaxx

I’ve said in my post the factors prohibiting this, that basically ive lived my whole life without social connections

 

[Abhorrence]

I’ve said in my post the factors prohibiting this, that basically ive lived my whole life without social connections

i know bro
but you are supposed to learn from your mistakes and change
you are cucking yourself even more by thinking like this

 

[Deleted member 22124]

How do you intend to change your facial appearance?

 

[longjohnmong]

yes your life story

my parents raised me to be an outsider. my dad is basically a counter culturalist who hates anything popular. my mother is probably autistic or has some other sort of social disease, and various other untreated mental illnesses. she didn't have a single friend my entire life. they're both insane and very intense. also, helicopter parents. i'm almost 40, in Turkey fr a month, and my dad is texting me every day like "can't wait until your home" "wish you were coming home sooner" etc.

anyway, i was relatively outgoing until 8th grade when I was struck by social anxiety disorder seemingly out of the blue. this was before "social anxiety disorder" was part of the common parlance. in fact, the first time i heard the phrase, i immediately thought "that's what's been happening to me"

also, i always hated the way i looked. i was birdcel.

So, just really shy throughout grade school. When I was 18 I got rhinoplasty and chin implant. Started dating my ex girlfriend when I was 19. Basically did nothing with my life except date her until I was 29, although I did go to college. Broke up with her when I 29, which was absolutely devastating. Spent the next year thinking about her every minute of every day. Not exaggerating. Spent the next couple of years obsessing over her, but thinking about her less and less. In 2017 had a nervous breakdown and spent a week in the mental hospital. I still dream about her like every week and it still makes me feel like shit.

But, I've been selling shit on ebay for like 15 years, and the operation has been slowly getting bigger and bigger, and then just all of a sudden I'm making 6 figures and saving ass-loads of money, and working very little, so I can basically do whatever I want. I'm in Turkey right now recovering from my bimax. Will get rhino revision hopefully in March. Then I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I might move to France to study vocal performance, not because I actually want to pursue that as a career, although I do love to sing, but just because I think it would be fun. Luckily, I look like I'm 26. I believe I age at 2/3 the rate of a normal person.

 

[lunin7]

Same I have these problems too, we weren’t supposed to be here that is the ugly truth

All you can do is play with the cards that you’ve been dealt

also you should watch life is pointless for us by renegade 1

 

[Tabula Rasa]

How do you intend to change your facial appearance?

surgeries obv

 

[humanoidsub7]

My twisted world..

Here we go again

 

[humanoidsub7]

You have 5 years op

 

[Deleted member 24278]

not too late to change
stop rotting

 

[Shogun]

I said no excuses. Running is different than lifting. Get to the point where you can run 10 miles and if you haven't seen any benefits then quit. I've been lifting since I was 18 but I didn't start running until a couple years ago, and I wish I had been doing it my whole life. Or are you saying you already do cardio?

You mean my life story?

No running for your face

 

[Shogun]

You have 5 years op

What's after that ?

 

[longjohnmong]

No running for your face

Right. But running builds discipline and pain tolerance, evens out your emotions, and gives you more energy and motivation. Hopefully OP could use those skills on his journey to fixing his face. I didn't say it was going to solve all his problems. But it's a first step and something he can start now, rather than rotting online making zero progress.

 

[Shogun]

Right. But running builds discipline and pain tolerance, evens out your emotions, and gives you more energy and motivation. Hopefully OP could use those skills on his journey to fixing his face. I didn't say it was going to solve all his problems. But it's a first step and something he can start now, rather than rotting online making zero progress.

Cardio is cope. I run 3 times a week and i'm still miserable

 

[humanoidsub7]

What's after that ?

Idk it's over once you're 25 and you still got nothing

 

[longjohnmong]

Cardio is cope. I run 3 times a week and i'm still miserable

How far do you run?

 

[Shogun]

How far do you run?

Around 20-30 min per sessions, mostly around 2km