Rage is over.

[Pikabro]

its why I don't believe in LTRs.

Emotional/Social support should flow both ways, but women don't accept any 'emotional labor' (as the women love to call it)
It's like they expect your life to be close to perfect with minor issues, for you to never even have any real emotional needs to share.

Something like insecurity, low self-esteem due to being incel in the past, is something they would find disgusting. You should've either never been incel in the first place, or have magically fixed all your issues on your own already without any social emotional acceptance.

It's so fucking brutal.

Legit what's the point in having an SO if you can't be yourself and vulnerable around them

 

[MoggerGaston]

Legit what's the point in having an SO if you can't be yourself and vulnerable around them

There's no point tbh. A life frauding your emotions, pretending you are someone you are not, isn't a life worth living.

Unleash your emotions, everything, always. And learn how to do it in a healthy way by experience.

 

[Sprinkles]

It's actually insane when I think of it like that. My mother was extremely against me ever showing emotion, in any situation. I had to act the way she wanted to, I had to feel like she wanted to, I had to like the things she wanted to.

My own emotions, wants, desires were entirely irrelevant, useless.

Also positive ones like cheerful happiness, joy. I remember being happy and smiling while at dinner with my parents, and my mother would literally attack me:

'Why are you smiling, are you laughing at me? You don't think you mother cooked you a nice dinner? Don't you see how much effort I am putting into this family and how much I work my ass off for you every day? Don't you have a single bit of gratitude in you for the life your mother sacrificed and is living for you?'

my smile and joy would quickly disapear. And this is me being a fucking 10 year old kid lmao.

It's pure brutal child-abuse that my mother has tried to gaslight me about till the moment I cut her off a couple years ago. Telling me that it was never that bad, that all parents treat their children like this, that I was weak and it was my own fault, that I should've handled my emotions better, that I didn't work hard enough as a kid. And so on.

It's actually insane how much I have repressed the fact I was brutally abused as a kid. And my dad would sit there at the same table and say nothing, just be quiet and let my mother scream at me. Afraid that my mother would target him next.

Fucking hell.

Every once in a while I get an insane urge, rage to pay my mother a visit and axe her down into pieces tbh.
But it would ruin my life and I would go to jail. I can't do it, maybe if I decide to kill myself I will go ER on her before I kill myself.


I am not sure if it's that deep or that there is a any point into looking at it in such a deep, philosophical, evolutionary-psychology way.

at least in the case with my own mother, I believe it's generational trauma being passed on. I think she absolutely hated her own childhood and has hated her own adult life ever since too. And she releases that trauma by abusing her own children.

And my dad was the abuse-enabler letting her ravage me and my brother like that, because he also has his own trauma which has made him weak and enabling.

But I can't care about them at this point in my life anymore. I don't feel real connection or love towards them anymore, although there's still some abused part of me that still deeply seeks validation from them, but not from them directly. But probably in a way I look for love/validation in my current relationships/friendships now in an extremely unhealthy way. Which leave me lonely.

I am fighting for my own life at this point. They have destroyed enough and I don't know if they can even be saved at this point tbh. They are in their 60s. I need to leave them behind.

I don't know if I myself can even be saved anymore.
If this is just a case of accepting to live with deep pain for the rest of your life, or ending your life.

what a cuck for a dad

 

[MoggerGaston]

what a cuck for a dad

He is a weak man, I look down on him. With pity, not with hate. My hate is reserved for my mother only.

Many such men.

Most of them will be lucky enough not to meet a satanic demon like my mother.

They will be cucks in an abusive relationship but not as abusive as my family was. Just normie-tier abusive.