How to Gain Positive Influence and Leverage Over Anyone You Want?
What is the Social Exchange?
“The social exchange theory is a framework model that looks at social relationships as exchanges among individuals who seek to maximize their selfish interests…The social exchange theory starts from the proven premise that people prefer relationships that add value to their lives. These are the relationships that advance their interests, make them feel good, and generally make them better off.” - Buffalmano and Scarlett
According to social exchange theory, a person will weigh the cost of a social interaction (negative outcome) against the reward of that social interaction (positive outcome). These costs and rewards can be material, like money, time or a service.
How the Social Exchange Helps You
It will help you to:
Main Takeaway: The more value you give, the more value you can ask for
The most important real-life applications of social exchange dynamics are:
1. Focus on what you bring to the table: make this your number one rule for social exchanges.
2. Focus on what they bring to the table: as much as you want to bring value, you also want to avoid value-takers.
3. Ask yourself if the relationship is balanced: seek to have balanced relationships, as they are stronger and happier. (Imbalanced relationships often hide an element of emotional manipulation.)
4. Cut out the takers: you have no space for them in your life.
5. Stick with the collaborators: you recognize collaborators because they want to give back.
Good collaborators feel bad being in debt and seek to give back. They might also refuse a favor if they feel it’s “too much.”
6. Maintain the win-win: win-win people and partners are social treasures. Tend to these people and keep these relationships.
The Number One Quality to Gain Respect and Fairness:
What Is Assertiveness?
“Assertiveness is defined in many different ways, but we believe in an assertiveness that supports emotional independence, personal empowerment, and a win-win relationship."
‘To state your needs, wants, feelings, and opinions clearly and directly, to respect yourself as well as others, and to influence the world around you, including other people, to reach certain goals.’
Limiting Beliefs
Empowering Beliefs
Assertive Communication
The first assertiveness framework taught is the “DESOE” framework (pronounced “dee·so”).
Shorter format
How to Build a Social Circle of Cool Friends, Allies, and Mentors at Will:
Leverage the High Power/High Warmth Matrix
People determine whether or not they want to be around you based on how powerful you are and how friendly you are:
You can be powerful using Looks, Status, and Money this is why people max out Instagram to appear as a value giver because they want more friends.
Citations:
[1] https://www.onlinemswprograms.com/social-work/theories/social-exchange-theory/
[2] https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-social-exchange-theory-2795882
[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_exchange_theory
[4] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9878386/
[5] https://socialwork.tulane.edu/blog/social-exchange-theory/
What is the Social Exchange?
“The social exchange theory is a framework model that looks at social relationships as exchanges among individuals who seek to maximize their selfish interests…The social exchange theory starts from the proven premise that people prefer relationships that add value to their lives. These are the relationships that advance their interests, make them feel good, and generally make them better off.” - Buffalmano and Scarlett
According to social exchange theory, a person will weigh the cost of a social interaction (negative outcome) against the reward of that social interaction (positive outcome). These costs and rewards can be material, like money, time or a service.
How the Social Exchange Helps You
It will help you to:
- Assess people’s character.
- Recognize and choose givers and collaborators who make your life better.
- Recognize and cut out the “takers” who hamper your progress.
- Be a better friend or partner.
- Be a better leader.
- Present yourself as a value-giver
- Build your social capital with those you want to influence
Main Takeaway: The more value you give, the more value you can ask for
The most important real-life applications of social exchange dynamics are:
1. Focus on what you bring to the table: make this your number one rule for social exchanges.
2. Focus on what they bring to the table: as much as you want to bring value, you also want to avoid value-takers.
3. Ask yourself if the relationship is balanced: seek to have balanced relationships, as they are stronger and happier. (Imbalanced relationships often hide an element of emotional manipulation.)
4. Cut out the takers: you have no space for them in your life.
5. Stick with the collaborators: you recognize collaborators because they want to give back.
Good collaborators feel bad being in debt and seek to give back. They might also refuse a favor if they feel it’s “too much.”
6. Maintain the win-win: win-win people and partners are social treasures. Tend to these people and keep these relationships.
The Number One Quality to Gain Respect and Fairness:
What Is Assertiveness?
“Assertiveness is defined in many different ways, but we believe in an assertiveness that supports emotional independence, personal empowerment, and a win-win relationship."
‘To state your needs, wants, feelings, and opinions clearly and directly, to respect yourself as well as others, and to influence the world around you, including other people, to reach certain goals.’
Limiting Beliefs
- “Dark” feelings such as anger and a will to power are bad to feel and show.
- Assertiveness means getting your way all the time.
- Being assertive means being selfish.
Empowering Beliefs
- I am worthy of respectful behavior and communication, and so are others.
- I’m in charge of my behavior, and others are in charge of theirs.
- I decide for myself what I will and will not do.
Assertive Communication
The first assertiveness framework taught is the “DESOE” framework (pronounced “dee·so”).
- D (Describe): Define the situation and what’s going on.
- E (Express): State how you feel in the situation.
- S (Specify): Describe what you would like to happen.
- O (Outcome): Describe what happens if they go along with your wishes and, potentially, what happens if they don’t.
- E (Enforce): Enforce your boundaries as needed.
Shorter format
- Express State how you feel in the situation.
- Specify: Describe what you would like to happen.
- Enforce: Enforce your boundaries as needed
How to Build a Social Circle of Cool Friends, Allies, and Mentors at Will:
Leverage the High Power/High Warmth Matrix
People determine whether or not they want to be around you based on how powerful you are and how friendly you are:
You can be powerful using Looks, Status, and Money this is why people max out Instagram to appear as a value giver because they want more friends.
Citations:
[1] https://www.onlinemswprograms.com/social-work/theories/social-exchange-theory/
[2] https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-social-exchange-theory-2795882
[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_exchange_theory
[4] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9878386/
[5] https://socialwork.tulane.edu/blog/social-exchange-theory/
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