Where they went wrong with Batman vs. Superman

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

Christian Bale's a British wanker. Of course, that motherfucker had to go! The fuck out of our country too, faggot!

I would've used Matthew Perry to play Bruce Wayne, though.



I'm not explaining why he would've fit the character perfectly. Trust me! I'm right about this.

Second, Lex Luther. Why the fuck did they throw that talentless, cringy little faggot actor into the movie? Hmm, did it have anything to do with his bloodline?

I would've used Walter White for that role. He would've suited it P-E-R-F-E-C-T-L-Y.

The Flash actor, come on? The fuck is up with this "Jewish" obsession with those people? Assign the proper actor to the proper character, retards!

I would've used a girl to play The Flash. Perhaps, Nozomi Sasaki:



Wonder Woman, here we go again! Another Jew. SMH. I would've used Rachel Brosnahan:



The Plot:

Bruce Wayne's pissed off that Clark and General Zod committed a 9/11 terrorist act upon his city. He wants that motherfucker in his bat cave! He wants his cape so he can fly too — not knowing the cape is just a cape. But mainly, he wants those red laser eyes. He and his geriatric gimp devised the plan. "Bruce, baby," the butler said. "Kidnapping the man of steel, then cutting his eyes out of his head and inserting them into your eye sockets—did you stop taking your medicine again?"

"I want his fucking eyes!" Bruce demanded.

Bruce later investigates the flying dude. Princess Diana is also investigating the man of steel because, well, those eyes! The fuck you think? She, too, wants them.

Meanwhile, Lex Luther is finishing up a batch of Big Blue and decides, "I'm tired of Breaking Bad, I wanna Break Evil." So he gathers together villains, devilish scientists, and computer hackers to find out everything about everything ... including Superman's real identity, along with Batty and Thong Woman's. Wonder Woman's suit is a one-piece thong. Her tits flop out during must-see fights.



Finally, Batty confronts Superman and tells him while holding a pair of pliers, "I want those eyes!" The great battle begins.

Meanwhile, Lex is strapping Lois Lane to a railroad track. He takes a selfie of himself with her in the background. He sends it to Clark along with the message, "Heads up!"

Superman gets the alert from his iPhone 13. He tells Batty, "Hold up, let me see what this is about." The Bat fetish nods and takes a break. He sips from his black water bottle while breathing heavily. Ugh. Old age will do that.

Superman sees Lois's neck over a railroad track. Another image text manifests — the front of a train in the distance, along with the message, "Either her or the Batman, your pick. Ha ha." Then another text, "Ha ha ha ha hahajahsha."

Quickly, he texts Lex back with super speed, "I prefer Jimmy Olsen. Lois is just some annoying coworker."

Lex shakes his head while he reads the reply. He shouts, "Damn it, he's Woke! Why didn't I see that one coming?"

Blah blah blah, Lane is beheaded by Amtrak — Wonder Woman fights a Brazilian hooker as both of their tits flop out — Flash is running on a treadmill at Planet Fitness — Aquaman is tossing a snorkeler out of the water at a beach like dolphins do to baby porpoises — and we see a bubble in the sky. A scene manifests inside that thick glob. It's TV's Flash and Superman's Tom Welling, flying toward us. TO BE CONTINUED.

No Doomsday! He comes last ... ten more movies last.

 

[Deleted member 32485]

They can never outright admit Batman will never have superpowers because they've gone woke. Of course he can't have superman's laser eyes, but if viewers see that, they'll quickly begin drawing analogies and realize the transwave is a scamdemonium!

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

They can never outright admit Batman will never have superpowers because they've gone woke. Of course he can't have superman's laser eyes, but if viewers see that, they'll quickly begin drawing analogies and realize the transwave is a scamdemonium!

The pliers Bruce will use are made of crystal blue kryptonite he had purchased on the DARKEST WEB.

 

[Deleted member 32485]

The pliers Bruce will use are made of crystal blue kryptonite he had purchased on the DARKEST WEB.

Yeah yeah, I've seen the film, I just think it's a cheap plot device. Batman isn't an ocular surgeon, and superman's alien eyes are likely fundementally different from a human's anways.

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

Yeah yeah, I've seen the film, I just think it's a cheap plot device. Batman isn't an ocular surgeon, and superman's alien eyes are likely fundementally different from a human's anways.

But Bruce doesn't know that yet! Superman is still new to the world. He wants to try anyway and perhaps, see what other parts of Clark's body he can remove with his crystal blue pliers and scalpel knives. In theory, he believes he can insert Superman's body parts inside him. Understand, this Bruce Wayne is a heavy drug user and avoids medicines he should take for his bipolar condition. If he was to take his medicine, he wouldn't dress like a bat.

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

Yeah yeah, I've seen the film, I just think it's a cheap plot device. Batman isn't an ocular surgeon, and superman's alien eyes are likely fundementally different from a human's anways.

My vision of Bruce Wayne. He's a billionaire orphan and ends up in Arkham Asylum, thanks to the clever investment group for Wayne Enterprises. He spent most of his life in mental hospitals. THE JOKER mentors him, "You should be a bat! A rich bat." Bruce likes the idea.

For the next year, he trains to be THE BATMAN in the nut ward. He'll practice with a bedsheet acting as a cape and run up and down the hallways, "I am the Bat!"

"Bat shit crazy," Joker assured himself.

Anyway, after he's released he stops taking his medicine and invests billions of dollars into high tech and gear that'll protect him from harm and blah blah blah.

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

My concept is more credible than DC's. Bruce Wayne has this relationship thing with THE JOKER because that was his mentor. He can never kill him because of that kindred connection. Furthermore, he sees the villain, in a way, as a father role. But little does Bruce know that before THE JOKER met him, he'd befriended a time traveler who showed him Bruce Wayne's original timeline. Boring as fuck. The parents were greedy assholes. Bruce later hung himself during a masturbation session.

Joker devised a plan to go back in time and mentor Bruce, but he would have to murder his parents because that was the only way.

The Joker created Batman. But he didn't think Bruce would later jew him in the back. Ah, yes, the conceited Wayne spirit lived on in Bruce. He became so arrogant, he believed he could fight crime and be worshiped by women.

During a late, cloudy night in Gotham, a woman stood near an opened window inside an apartment, pointed a device to the sky, and said, "Please, Batman, come ravish me!" Ah, yes, the Bat Signal was actually multiple devices he handed to women during his escapades. On weekend nights, the sky would be strewn with white bats.

---

Bruce Wayne is a schizophrenic... probably because of The Joker. As a kid, Bruce would catch Joker talking to himself. But little did he know, Joker was practicing his comic acts and roles in films he never got.

Bruce is later prescribed wacky pills. When he takes his medicine, he's a normal boring rich fuck. But when he doesn't ... I am Batman.

Joker's a sick clown who gets off watching people act wacky. So he makes sure Bruce never takes his medication. However, Alfred cares about his master. So it would be his job to roofie Batman to bring Bruce back.

In my story, Alfred doesn't help Batman but helps Bruce. Whenever he's around Batman, he tries sneaking pills into his Bat Juice. Ugh. Sometimes it works, but many times, it fails ... thanks to schizophrenic paranoia.