ranierean
D-9999
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2023
- Posts
- 3,394
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I want her. I don't want anyone else
I posted here a year ago when the girl of my dreams rejected me. I'm a 27 year old trans girl, essentially a trancel femcel and I hate myself beyond belief. The girl in question won't even speak to me anymore after my time on the psych ward. She sent me a whole letter telling me she's cutting contact with me. Even though she rejected me she was still my closest friend, I valued her more than all the money in the world, she was priceless to me. I wanted her as a partner, I had her as a friend now I dont even have that anymore. She was perfect in every possible way. She checked every box. Her laugh, her smile, her interest, personality, mannerisms. Everything. People tell me to get over her. People tell me to try looking for someone else. That someone else isn't Allie though. Trust me, I've tried filling the void by dating other people. I don't get to a second date because the entire time I'm comparing the new person to Allie, hoping in vein I'll find her doppelganger or long lost twin in vein but to no avail. Even my other ex that I actually did like and she was able to atleast partially fill that hole, for a bit I had a false hope we might end back up together but no she found someone else. How do I cope with this? I feel like this has evolved beyond an incel issue, and its taking a toll on me. I think about her daily, and I know deep down I shouldn't. I wish I could find someone else and have that be OK but I know it won't because it won't be Allie. It feels like she died, I haven't spoken to her since November 2023 and she feels as distant as my dead grandfather that's 6 feet under.
I posted here a year ago when the girl of my dreams rejected me. I'm a 27 year old trans girl, essentially a trancel femcel and I hate myself beyond belief. The girl in question won't even speak to me anymore after my time on the psych ward. She sent me a whole letter telling me she's cutting contact with me. Even though she rejected me she was still my closest friend, I valued her more than all the money in the world, she was priceless to me. I wanted her as a partner, I had her as a friend now I dont even have that anymore. She was perfect in every possible way. She checked every box. Her laugh, her smile, her interest, personality, mannerisms. Everything. People tell me to get over her. People tell me to try looking for someone else. That someone else isn't Allie though. Trust me, I've tried filling the void by dating other people. I don't get to a second date because the entire time I'm comparing the new person to Allie, hoping in vein I'll find her doppelganger or long lost twin in vein but to no avail. Even my other ex that I actually did like and she was able to atleast partially fill that hole, for a bit I had a false hope we might end back up together but no she found someone else. How do I cope with this? I feel like this has evolved beyond an incel issue, and its taking a toll on me. I think about her daily, and I know deep down I shouldn't. I wish I could find someone else and have that be OK but I know it won't because it won't be Allie. It feels like she died, I haven't spoken to her since November 2023 and she feels as distant as my dead grandfather that's 6 feet under.
