D
Deleted member 32285
Kraken
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2023
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your 50s. It is the time when you realize you are gonna die soon and the worst is already past you. The worst years of my life were my teenage years, 20s and 30s. As as child I was a happy person, I had friends and good relations with my family but when puberty started I turned into an ugly, short male that was bullied by his peers and despised by older people. As a teenager I talked to noone except my parents. I had complicated relationships both with my father and mother, with my sister from extremely close bond as a child/early teenager my relation turned into something that didnt exist anymore, I honestly dont think if my sister even remember and realizes we were close as kids. I have never rebuilt any relationship with my sister as she turned into evil foid when she was 13 and started ignoring and despising me. I was always a failure. I had no friends in middle school, nor in high school. In fact in high school I was severely bullied by jocks and I even considered carrying out a SS (you know what I mean). In 3rd grade of high school i barely attended classes anymore and I was already disabled by that time.
Then I decided to go to college, I didnt pay for it a cent as Im not american so I didnt take that seriously at all. By that time I already knew I will be lonely for life and I will never find wife, nor will I have kids or even any friends. I acknowledged by then that Im utter failure and social outcast. I had copious amount of negative interactions with foids by that time, I hated them to the core as a 19 year old already. One of my bullies in high school was an insufferable foid that was being pampered by chads that also bullied me. But to the point, I decided to attend this college and everything was going smoothly when I was being forced to visit a psychiatrist whom prescribed me antipsychotics that made me develop akathisia, destroyed my pain nerve in left leg which made it chronic and to this day it still hurts me and after walking over some period of time it gets unbearable. I was forced to take it for half a year until I attempted suicide and they decided that I should stop taking medication altogheter. Because of this I were unable to attend classes and pass anything at all so I dropped out. The next year I enroled to another college and this time I dropped out to because I was extremely suicidal and demotivated. I decided to what you young people call today become a neet.
I spent a whole year wandering in forests around my town and sitting in my room reading various books and watching movies all day. This was the time in my life that I reminisce positively because for the first time of my life since puberty I felt some semblance of happiness and freedom. It was the time when I deepened my spiritual and esoteric knowledge, understood many aspects of how this universe works and what is the true nature of rwality and learned to astral project. But all good things come to an end so again I applied to college and this time after 3 years I finished it without interacting with a single student. I was like a ghost that everyone ignored. By then I was hellbent on acquiring more money and multiplying my wealth. I already had over 50k $ by that time as I inherited it from my deceased grandfather who was rather a weathy individual. Then my life became extremely dull and repetitive as I was only working those years. I already was bored with doing nothing so becoming a worker wasnt as painful and dismayful as I thought it would be. The time has passed overall quite quickly as I was maneuvering between periods of unemplyment and pointless work. I felt like a dead man by then. I had no hope and wanted to die. In my 30s I became so extremely depersonalized and derealized that I wasnt even considering my life to me mine, just a fake, phony and sham experience without any point.
Everything in life is pointless and this pointlessness of life was always permeating me and it still is. I have no depth, Im a blank man, husk of my former self. My 40s and 50s passed quickly because nothing happened during that time. Then I retired and now I am here. I am so thankfull that this joke is already almost over. I wont reincarnate and wont allow archons to trick me into entering the trap. I will destroy the malignant simulation. Now I await ww3 that I know from certain sources will kick off in 2024 and by 2028 nothing will be the same anymore. I have noone. Im all alone, and human emotions are all but distant concept to me. There are times when I feel like an animal driven purely by its instinct. I sleep 14/15 hours daily and on average I eat my dinner for 1/2 hours. I delight in destruction of this cursed race that will happen soon, I cant believe that I have done in in all honestly. I didnt think I will live long enough to see ww3 finally taking place. During my youth everyone was talking about soviet union and how it will destroy the world but deep down everyone knew that there existed delicate balnce that prevented ww3 from starting. Now it isnt the case anymore and elites have changed and their perception of general population too.
The last thing I will mention is how things look now from my perspective. Modern youth is truly cursed from my perspective. Those people dont know life, they wont experience deep relations and connections in their entire life because technogy presents much more short term tempting alternative, but overall destroying over time. Modern culture is soulless and repetitive. Nothing new to discover, truth about world turned much darker than we thought back then. Women nowdays are extremely shallow, even worse than when I was young. I will tell you. They were always quite disgusting sociopathic people, but will all the power social media and internet give them no group of people had ever in history easier lives than modern young females. On the other hand young men have it exceptionally hard, even worse than me in many cases. They are doomed, they dont have even to look forward to anything at all too. Just born to die during the greatest war in human history.
Then I decided to go to college, I didnt pay for it a cent as Im not american so I didnt take that seriously at all. By that time I already knew I will be lonely for life and I will never find wife, nor will I have kids or even any friends. I acknowledged by then that Im utter failure and social outcast. I had copious amount of negative interactions with foids by that time, I hated them to the core as a 19 year old already. One of my bullies in high school was an insufferable foid that was being pampered by chads that also bullied me. But to the point, I decided to attend this college and everything was going smoothly when I was being forced to visit a psychiatrist whom prescribed me antipsychotics that made me develop akathisia, destroyed my pain nerve in left leg which made it chronic and to this day it still hurts me and after walking over some period of time it gets unbearable. I was forced to take it for half a year until I attempted suicide and they decided that I should stop taking medication altogheter. Because of this I were unable to attend classes and pass anything at all so I dropped out. The next year I enroled to another college and this time I dropped out to because I was extremely suicidal and demotivated. I decided to what you young people call today become a neet.
I spent a whole year wandering in forests around my town and sitting in my room reading various books and watching movies all day. This was the time in my life that I reminisce positively because for the first time of my life since puberty I felt some semblance of happiness and freedom. It was the time when I deepened my spiritual and esoteric knowledge, understood many aspects of how this universe works and what is the true nature of rwality and learned to astral project. But all good things come to an end so again I applied to college and this time after 3 years I finished it without interacting with a single student. I was like a ghost that everyone ignored. By then I was hellbent on acquiring more money and multiplying my wealth. I already had over 50k $ by that time as I inherited it from my deceased grandfather who was rather a weathy individual. Then my life became extremely dull and repetitive as I was only working those years. I already was bored with doing nothing so becoming a worker wasnt as painful and dismayful as I thought it would be. The time has passed overall quite quickly as I was maneuvering between periods of unemplyment and pointless work. I felt like a dead man by then. I had no hope and wanted to die. In my 30s I became so extremely depersonalized and derealized that I wasnt even considering my life to me mine, just a fake, phony and sham experience without any point.
Everything in life is pointless and this pointlessness of life was always permeating me and it still is. I have no depth, Im a blank man, husk of my former self. My 40s and 50s passed quickly because nothing happened during that time. Then I retired and now I am here. I am so thankfull that this joke is already almost over. I wont reincarnate and wont allow archons to trick me into entering the trap. I will destroy the malignant simulation. Now I await ww3 that I know from certain sources will kick off in 2024 and by 2028 nothing will be the same anymore. I have noone. Im all alone, and human emotions are all but distant concept to me. There are times when I feel like an animal driven purely by its instinct. I sleep 14/15 hours daily and on average I eat my dinner for 1/2 hours. I delight in destruction of this cursed race that will happen soon, I cant believe that I have done in in all honestly. I didnt think I will live long enough to see ww3 finally taking place. During my youth everyone was talking about soviet union and how it will destroy the world but deep down everyone knew that there existed delicate balnce that prevented ww3 from starting. Now it isnt the case anymore and elites have changed and their perception of general population too.
The last thing I will mention is how things look now from my perspective. Modern youth is truly cursed from my perspective. Those people dont know life, they wont experience deep relations and connections in their entire life because technogy presents much more short term tempting alternative, but overall destroying over time. Modern culture is soulless and repetitive. Nothing new to discover, truth about world turned much darker than we thought back then. Women nowdays are extremely shallow, even worse than when I was young. I will tell you. They were always quite disgusting sociopathic people, but will all the power social media and internet give them no group of people had ever in history easier lives than modern young females. On the other hand young men have it exceptionally hard, even worse than me in many cases. They are doomed, they dont have even to look forward to anything at all too. Just born to die during the greatest war in human history.
