S
stunna
Kraken
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2022
- Posts
- 15,195
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I (26f) am "conventionally attractive". But I fucking hate it. I'm also neurodivergent so I'm weird as fuck. I've never met a person who likes me for who I am. Every fucking guy I've met just likes me so much cause I'm "pretty". All of the guys I've met just want to fuck or date me. And I know that it sounds like such a stupid fucking problem. But it's so lonely. My most recent ex only really dated me because it was "cool". He even told me he didn't like me that much and that he didn't find me attractive, but he'd get so jealous whenever we go out.
It feels like everyone is just nice to me because I'm okay looking. They think I'm popular and a good person. But I suck a lot of the time, i feel like a failure because everyone expects me to be something big, but i cant be. Im so average in everything else apart from university. I feel less confident because i never meet the standard that is set out for me. I feel like im being stared at all the time, in a very creepy way. People talk to me in a creepy way all the time. I'm always being perceived and watched.
Im not a horrible person but i feel like one. All i want is a real connection, but i never have that. Idk what they see in me that's so great. I'm socially awkward but people think I'm "quirky". Nobody cares about my thoughts or ideas, it's just that I'm cute. That's all. It's overwhelming, and I've started to hate myself. I feel like I've let everyone down. I so badly want to be normal. To feel normal. I just disappoint people, and it's not even on purpose. I try so hard to live up to everyone's expectations, but I never can. That's not me.
I'm not a bad person. I'm just really lonely.
So just for added context, i am currently undergoing evaluation for autism. I "passed" the first test so ive been sent to a specialist. I've always had problems in social contexts, i feel very drained after being around people. I try going out once a week and then afterwards I get so exhausted i stay isolated in my room for about a week. I don't even go to the shop. I ask my family to pick up anything for me. I can go days on end without seeing anyone else from outside my house. I don't like being social but I do feel lonely. Growing up I was ostracised a lot. Apparently its very easy to tell when someone is different so people treated me pretty badly, especially the girls in school. Honestly posting on here is pretty scary.
It feels like everyone is just nice to me because I'm okay looking. They think I'm popular and a good person. But I suck a lot of the time, i feel like a failure because everyone expects me to be something big, but i cant be. Im so average in everything else apart from university. I feel less confident because i never meet the standard that is set out for me. I feel like im being stared at all the time, in a very creepy way. People talk to me in a creepy way all the time. I'm always being perceived and watched.
Im not a horrible person but i feel like one. All i want is a real connection, but i never have that. Idk what they see in me that's so great. I'm socially awkward but people think I'm "quirky". Nobody cares about my thoughts or ideas, it's just that I'm cute. That's all. It's overwhelming, and I've started to hate myself. I feel like I've let everyone down. I so badly want to be normal. To feel normal. I just disappoint people, and it's not even on purpose. I try so hard to live up to everyone's expectations, but I never can. That's not me.
I'm not a bad person. I'm just really lonely.
So just for added context, i am currently undergoing evaluation for autism. I "passed" the first test so ive been sent to a specialist. I've always had problems in social contexts, i feel very drained after being around people. I try going out once a week and then afterwards I get so exhausted i stay isolated in my room for about a week. I don't even go to the shop. I ask my family to pick up anything for me. I can go days on end without seeing anyone else from outside my house. I don't like being social but I do feel lonely. Growing up I was ostracised a lot. Apparently its very easy to tell when someone is different so people treated me pretty badly, especially the girls in school. Honestly posting on here is pretty scary.
