BigJimsWornOutTires
Kraken
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During the tenure of Donald Trump's presidency, the government was apprised of the rapid expansion of Chinese influence, which could pose a significant threat to our nation's security, trade routes, and allies. "They're expanding in South America and Africa and will rally the people against those governments and alienate them from us and NATO," a man with a woman's red wig said to a room packed with rich people, Trump at its head. The president immediately pushed for border security. That was 2017.
Meanwhile, the spoiled Demonbrats didn't care and demanded the asshole be removed from the White House. The gov't instructed their Think Tank to think. And that they did.
Minutes later, a solution was reached. War with China! However, weapons aren't free, so they decided China would pay for its own annihilation through sanctions. Furthermore, a stimulus bill may prove beneficial; however, it is imperative to provide adequate justification for such a substantial debt. They will also need more soldiers. To achieve a successful military assault, they must be closer to their border. They stand no chance against the dragon's massive navy, which outnumbers the US. Moving weapons overseas will be detected by CCP satellites and moles within the Demonbrats Party. They needed a place to stockpile the weapons. Putin to the rescue!
During the talks with Europe's puppet master, Vladimir Putin, a strategy evolved. Moving weapons to Russia will be seen as a plot of war against their southern neighbors. Ukraine was selected as the designated safe house. Putin assured with an evil grin, "We can lower our prison population while my soldiers use them for target practice and training." He then winked. "We'll stage a war with our Nazi buddies and give Zelenskyy what he's always wanted -- lots of attention." The top generals high-fived one another as a young Russian diplomat showboated with a Lord of the Dance prance. The room went silent. Sighs were heard. Putin reached inside his jacket and manifested a 9mm. He handed it to the dancing fool. The young man lowered his head and left the room. A gunshot followed shortly later.
Getting more soldiers was also a problem because American zoomers are pussyless gamers that would rather jerk off to girls making eating sounds on microphones than join the fabulous rainbow military. So the Thinkers suggested outsourcing, but that would mean the current construction of Pink Floyd's THE WALL along the Mexican border would have to be abandoned. "A real pickle-dickle," a shady fellow with sunglasses said to another suspicious-looking fellow wearing a YouTube product placement t-shirt.
"I got an idea, and it's so crazy ..." Mr. Shades reacted with a cliffhanger.
In the interim, intelligence informed that the Demonbrats are persisting in their behavior as a group of naughty little thugs and are currently polarizing the black community against their master, Donald Trump. This is being accomplished by utilizing an incident involving a drug addict who overdosed on fentanyl while a Canadian Mountie kneeled on his neck. The Gov't hurried back to the Think Tank and demanded, "Think, gaddam it! Think!" And that they did.
Not much later, the Thinkers reached a solution for the soldier's dilemma. A blue-haired, chubby millennial said to the group, "Let the Demons take the White House for a season of prosperity to shut them up while Trump takes a four-year vacation rallying the black community that can be used as soldiers later on. We will have to make him a criminal and public enemy number one. He will have to become ... THUG LIFE." He crossed one leg over the other and continued, "The Demons will be allowed to choose only a senior government official about to retire. And under no circumstance, Hillary! I will put a bullet in my own head before that happens."
Unexpectedly, behind everyone's backs, sneaky gov't people added the crazy idea. Mr. Shades said to Mr. YouTube, "Let's attack China now with a biological weapon."
His partner volleyed, "Booyah! We do what we want! We don't care." -- Covid One launched inside China.
Ugh, fuck muffins. China was ready. They responded, "Ha ha! We knew you sneaky government people would do that, so we went ahead and attacked you with Covid Nine."
The war of Covid began.
Why else do you think they have so many different vaccinations and boosters? Different virus makers. Duh. Fucking retards.
A Republican elder told the sneaky gov't fellers, "Nnno! Nnnnno! Don't do that again! Bad sneaky gov't people! Bad! Now go to a Third World country. You're punished."
During the Covid battles, drugmakers approached DC. "We got vaccine." A salesperson said while he picked his teeth with a toothpick. "But it will cost you." Ugh. The Thinkers anticipated their predictable serpent nature and already had those plans laid out. The government gave them their overinflated price. Additionally, they would shut everything down that would justify massive stimulus bills to fuel the war machine.
2024-2025: A FUTURE NOW TOLD
Trump takes back the White House. At an undetermined time, not far from that event, he will bring peace between Ukraine and Russia as he stands between them with a hand on each of their shoulders as they shake. All three have one eyebrow raised as Zelenskyy and Putin, still shaking hands, skeptically look around their surroundings.
China becomes furious and prepares for massive biological attacks and blue-beam laser wildfire starters. The gov't immediately imposed sanctions against them, tightened the border, and blocked all Chinese internationals from entering the USA and Russia. Concurrently, war is declared against China, accusing them of numerous violations of treaties. With the stockpile in Ukraine, an attack is launched by the USA, Europe, Ukraine, Russia, Japan (e.g. NATO) against China from the north, west, and south. The BRICS, but now the BICS, respond as all hell breaks loose.
Armageddon has begun. China, India, North Korea, the Sand People, African Tribes, South American Cartels, and notorious violent gang members take on the USA and NATO. Meanwhile, deep in Australia, the aboriginal people's leader wonders out loud while sipping moonshine, "No one called upon us ... again. It feels as if no one cares about us in this world. Fucking Geico Insurance people stained our image for life with their cavemen bigotry. Fuck everyone! I hope they destroy this world."
Three horsemen return to their domain as angels manifest everywhere. Ah, yes, they were here the entire time, watching and patiently waiting.
The ground trembles under my feet. In front of the dark woods, a boulder is erected. There's a sword embedded halfway inside the rock. I say, "Ah, yes, Excalibur!"
Immediately, a voice from the woods proclaims, "Are you really this retarded?"
"Ugh," I react.
"Not Excalibur! That's a fictional weapon. This is the flaming sword, Dipshit."
"Ah, yes, The Flamer!"
"No! That's not what it's called! How the heaven were you even selected for this?"
"The Almighty works in strange ways." A multitude of depressed ughs and disappointed sighs echoed around me and fell into the earth. They traveled for close to two thousand miles leaving one surviving echo that reached Old Hades, the Underworld realm—HELL.
Stephen Hawking, still in a wheelchair, moves closer to THE DEVIL sitting on a throne made of swords. He says in a robotic voice—it appears he still can't speak, and his body can't move—"Oh---Dark--Lord---Arm--ma--ged---don---has---be--gun."
"Why am I the last in this place to learn about these things?"
"Why---am---I--still--in--a--wheel---chair--and--para---lyzed?" sarcastically, Stevo injects.
"Because you're an asshole, Hawking!" He wiggles off his seat and stands tall as his monolithic wings spread out. He roars an announcement: "Let the games begin!"
Meanwhile, the spoiled Demonbrats didn't care and demanded the asshole be removed from the White House. The gov't instructed their Think Tank to think. And that they did.
Minutes later, a solution was reached. War with China! However, weapons aren't free, so they decided China would pay for its own annihilation through sanctions. Furthermore, a stimulus bill may prove beneficial; however, it is imperative to provide adequate justification for such a substantial debt. They will also need more soldiers. To achieve a successful military assault, they must be closer to their border. They stand no chance against the dragon's massive navy, which outnumbers the US. Moving weapons overseas will be detected by CCP satellites and moles within the Demonbrats Party. They needed a place to stockpile the weapons. Putin to the rescue!
During the talks with Europe's puppet master, Vladimir Putin, a strategy evolved. Moving weapons to Russia will be seen as a plot of war against their southern neighbors. Ukraine was selected as the designated safe house. Putin assured with an evil grin, "We can lower our prison population while my soldiers use them for target practice and training." He then winked. "We'll stage a war with our Nazi buddies and give Zelenskyy what he's always wanted -- lots of attention." The top generals high-fived one another as a young Russian diplomat showboated with a Lord of the Dance prance. The room went silent. Sighs were heard. Putin reached inside his jacket and manifested a 9mm. He handed it to the dancing fool. The young man lowered his head and left the room. A gunshot followed shortly later.
Getting more soldiers was also a problem because American zoomers are pussyless gamers that would rather jerk off to girls making eating sounds on microphones than join the fabulous rainbow military. So the Thinkers suggested outsourcing, but that would mean the current construction of Pink Floyd's THE WALL along the Mexican border would have to be abandoned. "A real pickle-dickle," a shady fellow with sunglasses said to another suspicious-looking fellow wearing a YouTube product placement t-shirt.
"I got an idea, and it's so crazy ..." Mr. Shades reacted with a cliffhanger.
In the interim, intelligence informed that the Demonbrats are persisting in their behavior as a group of naughty little thugs and are currently polarizing the black community against their master, Donald Trump. This is being accomplished by utilizing an incident involving a drug addict who overdosed on fentanyl while a Canadian Mountie kneeled on his neck. The Gov't hurried back to the Think Tank and demanded, "Think, gaddam it! Think!" And that they did.
Not much later, the Thinkers reached a solution for the soldier's dilemma. A blue-haired, chubby millennial said to the group, "Let the Demons take the White House for a season of prosperity to shut them up while Trump takes a four-year vacation rallying the black community that can be used as soldiers later on. We will have to make him a criminal and public enemy number one. He will have to become ... THUG LIFE." He crossed one leg over the other and continued, "The Demons will be allowed to choose only a senior government official about to retire. And under no circumstance, Hillary! I will put a bullet in my own head before that happens."
Unexpectedly, behind everyone's backs, sneaky gov't people added the crazy idea. Mr. Shades said to Mr. YouTube, "Let's attack China now with a biological weapon."
His partner volleyed, "Booyah! We do what we want! We don't care." -- Covid One launched inside China.
Ugh, fuck muffins. China was ready. They responded, "Ha ha! We knew you sneaky government people would do that, so we went ahead and attacked you with Covid Nine."
The war of Covid began.
Why else do you think they have so many different vaccinations and boosters? Different virus makers. Duh. Fucking retards.
A Republican elder told the sneaky gov't fellers, "Nnno! Nnnnno! Don't do that again! Bad sneaky gov't people! Bad! Now go to a Third World country. You're punished."
During the Covid battles, drugmakers approached DC. "We got vaccine." A salesperson said while he picked his teeth with a toothpick. "But it will cost you." Ugh. The Thinkers anticipated their predictable serpent nature and already had those plans laid out. The government gave them their overinflated price. Additionally, they would shut everything down that would justify massive stimulus bills to fuel the war machine.
2024-2025: A FUTURE NOW TOLD
Trump takes back the White House. At an undetermined time, not far from that event, he will bring peace between Ukraine and Russia as he stands between them with a hand on each of their shoulders as they shake. All three have one eyebrow raised as Zelenskyy and Putin, still shaking hands, skeptically look around their surroundings.
China becomes furious and prepares for massive biological attacks and blue-beam laser wildfire starters. The gov't immediately imposed sanctions against them, tightened the border, and blocked all Chinese internationals from entering the USA and Russia. Concurrently, war is declared against China, accusing them of numerous violations of treaties. With the stockpile in Ukraine, an attack is launched by the USA, Europe, Ukraine, Russia, Japan (e.g. NATO) against China from the north, west, and south. The BRICS, but now the BICS, respond as all hell breaks loose.
Armageddon has begun. China, India, North Korea, the Sand People, African Tribes, South American Cartels, and notorious violent gang members take on the USA and NATO. Meanwhile, deep in Australia, the aboriginal people's leader wonders out loud while sipping moonshine, "No one called upon us ... again. It feels as if no one cares about us in this world. Fucking Geico Insurance people stained our image for life with their cavemen bigotry. Fuck everyone! I hope they destroy this world."
Three horsemen return to their domain as angels manifest everywhere. Ah, yes, they were here the entire time, watching and patiently waiting.
The ground trembles under my feet. In front of the dark woods, a boulder is erected. There's a sword embedded halfway inside the rock. I say, "Ah, yes, Excalibur!"
Immediately, a voice from the woods proclaims, "Are you really this retarded?"
"Ugh," I react.
"Not Excalibur! That's a fictional weapon. This is the flaming sword, Dipshit."
"Ah, yes, The Flamer!"
"No! That's not what it's called! How the heaven were you even selected for this?"
"The Almighty works in strange ways." A multitude of depressed ughs and disappointed sighs echoed around me and fell into the earth. They traveled for close to two thousand miles leaving one surviving echo that reached Old Hades, the Underworld realm—HELL.
Stephen Hawking, still in a wheelchair, moves closer to THE DEVIL sitting on a throne made of swords. He says in a robotic voice—it appears he still can't speak, and his body can't move—"Oh---Dark--Lord---Arm--ma--ged---don---has---be--gun."
"Why am I the last in this place to learn about these things?"
"Why---am---I--still--in--a--wheel---chair--and--para---lyzed?" sarcastically, Stevo injects.
"Because you're an asshole, Hawking!" He wiggles off his seat and stands tall as his monolithic wings spread out. He roars an announcement: "Let the games begin!"
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