Hardrada
Worship Nature
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2023
- Posts
- 18,862
- Reputation
- 15,708
I've been bullied and picked on my whole life and as much as that dented my happiness, I felt the biggest blow to my ego was by Clavicular. I forget what it was in a response to but he said "and you're deformed, fuck off!"
That really upset me and actually had me upset when I was trying to sleep last night even thought it was multiple days ago. I have come to expect normies will bully me because of my deformity, it's a part of me. When it comes to looksmax.org, I see it as a kind of home. Users may insult me for my "autistic" threads, say I'm low IQ, say "didn't read!" and all that, but I NEVER felt embarrassed about being deformed here ever. My deformity is the thing I am most insecure about. It may seem like I care most about being "high IQ", but if someone called me stupid, and someone mocked me for my deformity, I would be infinitely more hurt by the mockery of my deformity.
It struck a certain way because ever since then I've felt less confident and happy. Reading "and you're deformed fuck off" was almost like a way for the society to tell me "We're all ugly, but your DEFORMED, you're a whole new level of ugly, you aren't one of us, you're below us, YOUR A FREAK". I thought Clavicular wouldn't see me as a freak for being ugly, maybe I'd be seeing as an annoying brother who rambles a lot, but not a disgusting abominable freak. That's why I spend so much time here responding to every thread. I feel like I am surrounded by people who aren't disgusted with me or stare at me with pity. Now I realize I may be so fucking ugly that even looksmax.org would consider me unworthy.
That really upset me and actually had me upset when I was trying to sleep last night even thought it was multiple days ago. I have come to expect normies will bully me because of my deformity, it's a part of me. When it comes to looksmax.org, I see it as a kind of home. Users may insult me for my "autistic" threads, say I'm low IQ, say "didn't read!" and all that, but I NEVER felt embarrassed about being deformed here ever. My deformity is the thing I am most insecure about. It may seem like I care most about being "high IQ", but if someone called me stupid, and someone mocked me for my deformity, I would be infinitely more hurt by the mockery of my deformity.
It struck a certain way because ever since then I've felt less confident and happy. Reading "and you're deformed fuck off" was almost like a way for the society to tell me "We're all ugly, but your DEFORMED, you're a whole new level of ugly, you aren't one of us, you're below us, YOUR A FREAK". I thought Clavicular wouldn't see me as a freak for being ugly, maybe I'd be seeing as an annoying brother who rambles a lot, but not a disgusting abominable freak. That's why I spend so much time here responding to every thread. I feel like I am surrounded by people who aren't disgusted with me or stare at me with pity. Now I realize I may be so fucking ugly that even looksmax.org would consider me unworthy.
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