Michael Myers
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I grabbed 8 feet of toilet paper and a 2 bottles of water, then began my journey. Well, after making sure the toilet paper wasn't used prior-like.
8:20 pm. It's been two hours since i ingested the toilet paper, my stomach it in so
much fucking pain it's unreal. Like I'm being stabbed in the ribs. I called poison
control and after convincing the lady this wasn't a prank, she advised me against
vomiting myself, saying that the toilet paper had most likely expanded and i will
probably choke. This was such a dumb fucking idea.
12:00 pm Saturday. Well I spent most of last night in the hospital with severe
abdominal pain, i have upper GI bleeding. The screw showed up in an x-ray, and is
now in my intestines. I am trying to figure out a way to scan the entire x-ray and post
it. They told me i should be fine for now, but if the screw gets lodged i will need
surgery, then they gave me a script for 500 mg of cipro every twelve hours x 7 days.
2:15 The pain is back, but this time lower. it feels lik someone stuck an ice pick in my
belly button. BUT I did have one good thought on this procedure. Well if I ate that
much toilet paper, and eventually it will come out when i crap, will i need to wipe? I
mean shouldn't eating the toilet paper cut out the middle man. I think im on to
something here. wipeless shit, by eating toilet paper. Dig up Edison ,we got
something to tell him.
5:20 pm It's going to be a long night.
9:40pm Sunday, i passed the screw. it caused less damage than i thought it would ,
and after carefully sifting through my own stool, i have found zero evidence of the
toilet paper ever existing.
Conclusion
On the plus side, i did find out that dry-wall screws are in fact edible.
negative side, i lost all respect anyone may have ever had for me, i lost a perfectly
good goldfish net sifting through my feces, my health insurance will probably drop
me now.
But it was worth it only because i now have a bloody ass, without being anally raped.
keep on truckin my friends, keep on truckin.
8:20 pm. It's been two hours since i ingested the toilet paper, my stomach it in so
much fucking pain it's unreal. Like I'm being stabbed in the ribs. I called poison
control and after convincing the lady this wasn't a prank, she advised me against
vomiting myself, saying that the toilet paper had most likely expanded and i will
probably choke. This was such a dumb fucking idea.
12:00 pm Saturday. Well I spent most of last night in the hospital with severe
abdominal pain, i have upper GI bleeding. The screw showed up in an x-ray, and is
now in my intestines. I am trying to figure out a way to scan the entire x-ray and post
it. They told me i should be fine for now, but if the screw gets lodged i will need
surgery, then they gave me a script for 500 mg of cipro every twelve hours x 7 days.
2:15 The pain is back, but this time lower. it feels lik someone stuck an ice pick in my
belly button. BUT I did have one good thought on this procedure. Well if I ate that
much toilet paper, and eventually it will come out when i crap, will i need to wipe? I
mean shouldn't eating the toilet paper cut out the middle man. I think im on to
something here. wipeless shit, by eating toilet paper. Dig up Edison ,we got
something to tell him.
5:20 pm It's going to be a long night.
9:40pm Sunday, i passed the screw. it caused less damage than i thought it would ,
and after carefully sifting through my own stool, i have found zero evidence of the
toilet paper ever existing.
Conclusion
On the plus side, i did find out that dry-wall screws are in fact edible.
negative side, i lost all respect anyone may have ever had for me, i lost a perfectly
good goldfish net sifting through my feces, my health insurance will probably drop
me now.
But it was worth it only because i now have a bloody ass, without being anally raped.
keep on truckin my friends, keep on truckin.
