Post good painless suicidemaxxing methods (no guns or rope)

DarknLost

DarknLost

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BORN TO DIE/ WORLD IS A FUCK/ Kill Em All 5/23/2014 / I am trash man/ 410757864530 DEAD FOIDS
 
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he wont do it
 
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HowTo:Kill Yourself With A Brick

Stage One: Acquire A Brick

A common garden variety brick. Find one of these and you're home and dry.

Tip
Scousers are useful for stealing bricks, just don't give them any money. They breed like mad with money. The last thing the world needs is more Scousers.
This is the most important stage of killing yourself with a brick. After all, you'd look pretty stupid killing yourself with a brick you don't have, now wouldn't you? Now, acquire a brick. They are quite hard to come by on their own, so you'll either have to employ a Scouser to steal one, or buy a house and knock a brick out of the wall with a sledgehammer. NO YOU CANNOT USE A BRICK FROM YOUR CURRENT HOUSE! This is because that hussy of an ex-wife stole it, remember? That's right.

Have you acquired a brick? No? Then what the hell have you been doing?!? No, actually, I don't want to know.

Here, let me help you. Bricks can be quite easily found. Try consulting a local building site. These places are a positive whorehouse for bricks. Bricks turn up all over these places, usually in neat piles to deceive people into thinking they are one huge brick.

Alternatively, as has been previously stated, every person you meet has a brick somewhere on their person. Why not mug someone going past for all you, or they, are worth and steal their precious brick off them? I mean, how dare they not give you the brick when you ask politely? I mean, you say 'please', right, and 'thankee sir', even when they give you nothing, right? Who died and made them Mr. I-Have-A-Brick-And-You-Don't? WHY DOES EVERYONE CARRY BRICKS AROUND?!?

Ahem.

Once you have found a brick move on to stage two.

Stage Two: Kill Yourself
Tip
You should be, more or less, dead.
Once having acquired a brick from a building site, a tumbledown house, a brickmakers company (make sure you are using a safety hat), or a passer-by's bloodsoaked pocket, follow carefully the method ascribed below.

You should probably take the cat off your head before the bricking.

  • Grasp brick firmly in both hands.
  • Are you sure you're holding the brick properly?
  • Assume 'bricking' stance.
  • The bricking stance denotes that you must stand with your feet slightly further apart than your shoulders, brick grasped firmly in your hands either hanging below you or raised above your head to the fullest extent of your arms.
  • Raise the brick above your head.
  • Check that the brick is still a brick, as bricks have tendencies to metamorphose into lepers without warning. Lepers will not kill you with a solid thwack around the head. More likely you will kill them, and then be charged with murder and locked up.
  • Now, with the brick still raised above your head, it is time for your final words, or thoughts. Make them good ones. Something along the lines of 'I regret nothing' makes you sound like a loser, which patently you must be since you are killing yourself with a brick, but if nothing else this moment should be your life's epitome. Make a good impression on the Lord (or Satan) with some stunning last words in this life and first ones in the next one. If that fails, show them the new brick wound at the base of your skull, that should impress them to no end.
  • Utter your last words.
  • Close your eyes, picture fairies, puppies, and kittens. Picture yourself huffing those fairies, puppies, and kittens.
  • Violently smash the brick directly into the base of your skull. You should hear a swift sudden (satisfying) crack. Take consolation in the warm flow of blood down the nape of your neck, and the swelling blackness on the edges of your vision.
 
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Ritalincel said:
Stage One: Acquire A Brick

A common garden variety brick. Find one of these and you're home and dry.

Tip
Scousers are useful for stealing bricks, just don't give them any money. They breed like mad with money. The last thing the world needs is more Scousers.
This is the most important stage of killing yourself with a brick. After all, you'd look pretty stupid killing yourself with a brick you don't have, now wouldn't you? Now, acquire a brick. They are quite hard to come by on their own, so you'll either have to employ a Scouser to steal one, or buy a house and knock a brick out of the wall with a sledgehammer. NO YOU CANNOT USE A BRICK FROM YOUR CURRENT HOUSE! This is because that hussy of an ex-wife stole it, remember? That's right.

Have you acquired a brick? No? Then what the hell have you been doing?!? No, actually, I don't want to know.

Here, let me help you. Bricks can be quite easily found. Try consulting a local building site. These places are a positive whorehouse for bricks. Bricks turn up all over these places, usually in neat piles to deceive people into thinking they are one huge brick.

Alternatively, as has been previously stated, every person you meet has a brick somewhere on their person. Why not mug someone going past for all you, or they, are worth and steal their precious brick off them? I mean, how dare they not give you the brick when you ask politely? I mean, you say 'please', right, and 'thankee sir', even when they give you nothing, right? Who died and made them Mr. I-Have-A-Brick-And-You-Don't? WHY DOES EVERYONE CARRY BRICKS AROUND?!?

Ahem.

Once you have found a brick move on to stage two.

Stage Two: Kill Yourself
Tip
You should be, more or less, dead.
Once having acquired a brick from a building site, a tumbledown house, a brickmakers company (make sure you are using a safety hat), or a passer-by's bloodsoaked pocket, follow carefully the method ascribed below.

You should probably take the cat off your head before the bricking.

  • Grasp brick firmly in both hands.
  • Are you sure you're holding the brick properly?
  • Assume 'bricking' stance.
  • The bricking stance denotes that you must stand with your feet slightly further apart than your shoulders, brick grasped firmly in your hands either hanging below you or raised above your head to the fullest extent of your arms.
  • Raise the brick above your head.
  • Check that the brick is still a brick, as bricks have tendencies to metamorphose into lepers without warning. Lepers will not kill you with a solid thwack around the head. More likely you will kill them, and then be charged with murder and locked up.
  • Now, with the brick still raised above your head, it is time for your final words, or thoughts. Make them good ones. Something along the lines of 'I regret nothing' makes you sound like a loser, which patently you must be since you are killing yourself with a brick, but if nothing else this moment should be your life's epitome. Make a good impression on the Lord (or Satan) with some stunning last words in this life and first ones in the next one. If that fails, show them the new brick wound at the base of your skull, that should impress them to no end.
  • Utter your last words.
  • Close your eyes, picture fairies, puppies, and kittens. Picture yourself huffing those fairies, puppies, and kittens.
  • Violently smash the brick directly into the base of your skull. You should hear a swift sudden (satisfying) crack. Take consolation in the warm flow of blood down the nape of your neck, and the swelling blackness on the edges of your vision.
Click to expand...
Sounds painful
 
its over

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just jump head first off a building ded srs
 
If it’s curiosity, the internet has better answers then the replies will. If you’re planning don’t do it my guy. PM me if you want to chat.
 
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"IN ORDER TO SHINE LIKE A STAR U MUST FIRST BURN LIKE ONE" - Adolf Hitler
carbon monoxide poisoning in a tent is legit also
 
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ChoSeungHui said:
just jump head first off a building ded srs
Click to expand...
Alot of people survive jumping off buildings
I need a method that is painless and has no chance of survival
 
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Sleep pills + hang on a window

Nitrogen
 
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get sat on by blackoutwhitein
 
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heroin overdose
 
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Suicides me.
 
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taking too many warm showers
 
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