ranierean
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Not sure if this is appropriate for this sub, and sorry for the length. I am in Austin, Texas, USA.
TL,DR; kissed by a Nazi
, praying this isn't a common thing?
I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, nor is this necessarily my community, as I (22, MtF, Jewish/White) am a mostly straight trans woman, but wasn't really sure where else to post this. I went out for drinks and dancing at Rain (a gay club) in Austin TX over the weekend and was introduced by a 'friend' to a guy named "M" (Chinese, 24). I normally wouldn't mention race but it feels relevant in this scenario. M, honestly, seemed like a pretty normal person; well-dressed, enjoys Star Trek, etc....
M and I, initially, hit it off and had a good night talking about our school lives and some of the people we both know. I'm new to the city and don't really know many people here, so I was excited to go out with these guys, and had a good time. M and I traded phone numbers and kissed at the end of the night. After sobering up I drove him home early the next morning.
Later, M invited me out for dinner & drinks, which was going enjoyably until we got to his politics, which are kinda crappy - he said he was Republican, but I had assumed that this was more a hate taxes thing than a literal Nazi way, but who knows? And, we're in Texas, so I was ready to accept that a non-insignificant amount of people might be conservative.
The only other part that was particularly relevant was talking about religion; I am Jewish, and had mentioned this, and he is agnostic, which didn't seem like a big deal at the time.
But, boy, was I wrong.
We walk to his apartment and open a bottle of wine, and as I sit down at the desk in his living room, I see the book Mein Kampf included in his displayed reading material; this wouldn't necessarily be a huge red flag, he's a poly sci student. I ask him about it and he starts explaining that its a "collectors item" and that its a first edition and he has enjoyed studying it the last few years. Not for any particular project / report, just for fun ig?
At this point, about every alarm I have in my mind starts going off. I walk through his bedroom now to 'use the bathroom' (text my friend that I need an excuse to leave, preferably now-ish) and he has a dagger with a swastika and eagle on the hilt sitting on his bedside table.
I turn on the faucet, close the door, and tell my friend she I need to GTFO. Because, honestly, wtf?
She tells me to feign sickness and she'll call me in a few minutes to make sure I get out okay, I leave the bathroom and he's taken off his shirt and has a Fasces (the bundle of sticks with an axe) on his upper arm and the Nazi Eagle tattoo across his lower stomach / pubic region. These were both hidden that last few nights. He had some other tattoos, but none I recognized as fascist / alt-right calling cards, not that I'm totally aware of the all the dog-whistles.
I am at this point super terrified that he's going to stab me with what I'm pretty sure is a Hitler Youth knife sitting what now feel like dangerously close, and tell him that I'm not feeling well and should leave. I just start grabbing my things and getting ready to walk out but not turning my back to him, and he just lies down on his bed and keeps talking about the most normal things without addressing the fact that he is a NAZI.
I was, and frankly still am, kinda terrified. I blocked his number and reached out to the 'friend' to figure out if he knew he was hanging out with a Nazi, because fuck that.
This is in no way normal, right? I feel like I should crawl back into the closet and cry myself to death. This is one of the first queer 'relationships' (not that I would call it that?) I've been in since I came out last year; most of my prior relationships were with women beards and I'm terrified of the implications about my taste in men. I don't even know what to do about M, like I feel like I should send his picture to Rain and see if they'll ban him because I don't feel safe sharing spaces with Nazis, especially spaces that are supposed to be safe. I frankly don't feel safe going out at all right now, I felt anxious as fuck just leaving for work this morning. I have a short video of his book shelf that I can post in the comments, but I don't have one of the dagger / his tattoos.
This is not something I should have to worry about, right? Like there aren't really that many Nazis in queer spaces? This is just one shitty person that I happened to meet? I guess this is more of a vent than an actual question, but I am so scared right now. I get that being a republican should have been enough of a red flag, but come on? Literal Nazis in gay clubs? I can't believe I moved away from friends and family to be here, I can't believe I let him kiss me, and I can feel my ancestors rolling in their graves. Why did this guy pursue me? I stand for all the things he literally hates!
TL,DR; kissed by a Nazi
, praying this isn't a common thing?I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, nor is this necessarily my community, as I (22, MtF, Jewish/White) am a mostly straight trans woman, but wasn't really sure where else to post this. I went out for drinks and dancing at Rain (a gay club) in Austin TX over the weekend and was introduced by a 'friend' to a guy named "M" (Chinese, 24). I normally wouldn't mention race but it feels relevant in this scenario. M, honestly, seemed like a pretty normal person; well-dressed, enjoys Star Trek, etc....
M and I, initially, hit it off and had a good night talking about our school lives and some of the people we both know. I'm new to the city and don't really know many people here, so I was excited to go out with these guys, and had a good time. M and I traded phone numbers and kissed at the end of the night. After sobering up I drove him home early the next morning.
Later, M invited me out for dinner & drinks, which was going enjoyably until we got to his politics, which are kinda crappy - he said he was Republican, but I had assumed that this was more a hate taxes thing than a literal Nazi way, but who knows? And, we're in Texas, so I was ready to accept that a non-insignificant amount of people might be conservative.
The only other part that was particularly relevant was talking about religion; I am Jewish, and had mentioned this, and he is agnostic, which didn't seem like a big deal at the time.
But, boy, was I wrong.
We walk to his apartment and open a bottle of wine, and as I sit down at the desk in his living room, I see the book Mein Kampf included in his displayed reading material; this wouldn't necessarily be a huge red flag, he's a poly sci student. I ask him about it and he starts explaining that its a "collectors item" and that its a first edition and he has enjoyed studying it the last few years. Not for any particular project / report, just for fun ig?
At this point, about every alarm I have in my mind starts going off. I walk through his bedroom now to 'use the bathroom' (text my friend that I need an excuse to leave, preferably now-ish) and he has a dagger with a swastika and eagle on the hilt sitting on his bedside table.
I turn on the faucet, close the door, and tell my friend she I need to GTFO. Because, honestly, wtf?
She tells me to feign sickness and she'll call me in a few minutes to make sure I get out okay, I leave the bathroom and he's taken off his shirt and has a Fasces (the bundle of sticks with an axe) on his upper arm and the Nazi Eagle tattoo across his lower stomach / pubic region. These were both hidden that last few nights. He had some other tattoos, but none I recognized as fascist / alt-right calling cards, not that I'm totally aware of the all the dog-whistles.
I am at this point super terrified that he's going to stab me with what I'm pretty sure is a Hitler Youth knife sitting what now feel like dangerously close, and tell him that I'm not feeling well and should leave. I just start grabbing my things and getting ready to walk out but not turning my back to him, and he just lies down on his bed and keeps talking about the most normal things without addressing the fact that he is a NAZI.
I was, and frankly still am, kinda terrified. I blocked his number and reached out to the 'friend' to figure out if he knew he was hanging out with a Nazi, because fuck that.
This is in no way normal, right? I feel like I should crawl back into the closet and cry myself to death. This is one of the first queer 'relationships' (not that I would call it that?) I've been in since I came out last year; most of my prior relationships were with women beards and I'm terrified of the implications about my taste in men. I don't even know what to do about M, like I feel like I should send his picture to Rain and see if they'll ban him because I don't feel safe sharing spaces with Nazis, especially spaces that are supposed to be safe. I frankly don't feel safe going out at all right now, I felt anxious as fuck just leaving for work this morning. I have a short video of his book shelf that I can post in the comments, but I don't have one of the dagger / his tattoos.
This is not something I should have to worry about, right? Like there aren't really that many Nazis in queer spaces? This is just one shitty person that I happened to meet? I guess this is more of a vent than an actual question, but I am so scared right now. I get that being a republican should have been enough of a red flag, but come on? Literal Nazis in gay clubs? I can't believe I moved away from friends and family to be here, I can't believe I let him kiss me, and I can feel my ancestors rolling in their graves. Why did this guy pursue me? I stand for all the things he literally hates!
