Socialization

[hoeseeker111]

i prefer to not go to social gatherings because i envision it boring in the sense that i will just have to hear them talk and be bored, or no one will talk to me and i will be bored too, i need brain stimulation and i think i dont go to social gatherings fearing the terrible feeling of being "bored" or just like standing there like an npc, the thing is that i hate having to fake smile and fake laugh when they are talking while having to think about an intersting response in a topic that i dont care about. its very rare but, when people talk to me about interesting topics i actually know how to naturally socialize cause its easy and it simulates my brain, but these topics are niche like basket, philosophy, shows or anything related to entretainment. These never get brought up in social gatherings like in dinners, they just talk about superficial stuff like girls (i am not gay, its just that they talk about girls on our zone that i dont even know so its just me hearing bout them thirsting over girls i dont know, and it even feels like they force the topic cause they dont know what to say), clothes (quick topic that leads no where), and boring stuff like this, which i get it thats what we are supposed to talk about and i dont hate it, its just boring. i have friends and they generally like me, but they know i hate social gatherings like parties and dinners.
I am retarded?