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Deleted member 22354
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I met a few days ago with a women I dated for 5 months 4 years ago. At that time I lived in another city for 6 months, then I had to leave this place again and was 500km away from her, which unfortunately led to the end of the relationship.
It was my fault, I wanted it that way, I thought I can not live for a long time without sex and that she will cheat on me anyway in the meantime, because we both have sexual needs.
She was my looksmatch at that time, very good looking (high class HTB), very good body and especially character wise she was very sweet, very nice, very innocent and she loved me more than anything and showed it, she was 19 years while we were together and I was her second boyfriend. We had a perfect relationship during that time, I was never happier than at that time and yet I left her then. I never felt the same for anyone else as I did for her, when I left her for logistical reasons it destroyed me mentally.
I then a few days ago when I was back in her city for work. I haven't even talked to her in the last 3 years and her instagram name/number/snap is different now, which means I had no way to contact her. I looked through all the pictures in the hotel because all the feelings came up again and by chance I read a different username in a chat of us back then and entered it on instagram and it was indeed her new account. I followed her and she followed me right back and messaged me directly.
We wrote a bit with each other, facetimed and the same day in the evening I met with her. She had tears in her eyes when we met again, so did I, but I was able to suppress that on the outside, I missed her very much but it was not the same. And now comes the big problem: the person I always had in my head, the person I was with, the person I loved so much, who looked so sweet, so innocent, no longer existed. It wasn't like it was back then. It was completely different.
Although she is still very beautiful, but she had made lip filler and rhino, she never wore makeup then and now her face was full of it even though she has clear skin, overall she looked so artificial, before she was a natural beauty. She also looked older now and more used up. While I look much younger than I did then and much better, I still feel like a boy, not a man. Although I look very masculine. I want to feel the way I did then, I want to do the same things I did then, I just want that time back.
She also acted different to me, more grown up, more colder and kinda "damaged"
. She is different now and I can't change that, she has experienced a lot in the meantime, probably had a lot of fwb/boyfriends (haven't really talked about it), a lot of trauma, etc. The beautiful memories I had were destroyed.
Time has advanced, but I do not want to accept that. I look back to the time, to the person I once loved, the time we once spent. It was my fault, I should have committed to her, I should have stayed with her, job wise I would be at the same point now.
I don't know now if I should get back together with her, we didn't have sex after the meeting a few days ago, but if I had pushed that would have happened. Today we meet again, in less than 2 hours. What would you do? Would you try to rekindle the old fire? Or move on and find a new one?
It was my fault, I wanted it that way, I thought I can not live for a long time without sex and that she will cheat on me anyway in the meantime, because we both have sexual needs.She was my looksmatch at that time, very good looking (high class HTB), very good body and especially character wise she was very sweet, very nice, very innocent and she loved me more than anything and showed it
, she was 19 years while we were together and I was her second boyfriend. We had a perfect relationship during that time, I was never happier than at that time and yet I left her then. I never felt the same for anyone else as I did for her, when I left her for logistical reasons it destroyed me mentally.I then a few days ago when I was back in her city for work. I haven't even talked to her in the last 3 years and her instagram name/number/snap is different now, which means I had no way to contact her. I looked through all the pictures in the hotel because all the feelings came up again and by chance I read a different username in a chat of us back then and entered it on instagram and it was indeed her new account.
I followed her and she followed me right back and messaged me directly.We wrote a bit with each other, facetimed and the same day in the evening I met with her
. She had tears in her eyes when we met again, so did I, but I was able to suppress that on the outside, I missed her very much but it was not the same. And now comes the big problem: the person I always had in my head, the person I was with, the person I loved so much, who looked so sweet, so innocent, no longer existed. It wasn't like it was back then. It was completely different.Although she is still very beautiful, but she had made lip filler and rhino, she never wore makeup then and now her face was full of it even though she has clear skin, overall she looked so artificial, before she was a natural beauty. She also looked older now and more used up. While I look much younger than I did then and much better, I still feel like a boy, not a man. Although I look very masculine. I want to feel the way I did then, I want to do the same things I did then, I just want that time back.
She also acted different to me, more grown up, more colder and kinda "damaged"
. She is different now and I can't change that, she has experienced a lot in the meantime, probably had a lot of fwb/boyfriends (haven't really talked about it), a lot of trauma, etc. The beautiful memories I had were destroyed.Time has advanced, but I do not want to accept that. I look back to the time, to the person I once loved, the time we once spent. It was my fault, I should have committed to her, I should have stayed with her, job wise I would be at the same point now.
I don't know now if I should get back together with her, we didn't have sex after the meeting a few days ago, but if I had pushed that would have happened. Today we meet again, in less than 2 hours. What would you do? Would you try to rekindle the old fire? Or move on and find a new one?
I defiantly want to get back into a relationship with her no matter what, I will find out many things today, including bodycount, but I still have feelings for her, more than any other woman, even though she has changed.
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